My MIL is putting a stress on my marriage. She has been nothing but trouble since we had our daughter 4 years ago. We have rules that she will not follow and she is quite rude. When ever we tell her of her rules she starts to cry and bad mouths us to the rest of the family. When my daughter was a baby she use to grab her out of my hands while I feeding her. She use to pinch my daughter to wake her up so she could hold her. She would be at our house every single day. We resolved that issue since we moved 25 minutes away, now she tells the rest of the family that we are taking her grandchild away from her. I found out through another family member that she was trying to find an apartment big enough for our daughter to move in with her. When I confronted her she told me that my daughter was her baby and should be living with her. If I tell her not to come over anymore it will cause a rift with the rest of the family. Please help me any advice will be greatly appreciated.
2007-02-21 01:01:14 · 3 answers · asked by snugglesrn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First talk to your spouse so they are aware exactly what is going on and see if they would like to address the situation.
If your spouse won't, then you will have to. Make it painfully clear to this woman, that this child is NOT her child. It is YOUR child. She sounds incredibly controlling and manipulative (telling the family that you are taking her grandchild away from her).
This woman has some real issues and does not sound entirely mentally sound. Personally, I would not leave my child alone with her. She seems to be living out some perverted fantasy of having a new baby all her own.
My MIL was much the same and I had to deal with it on my own....she is NOT welcome in our home without advance warning. My daughter (who is now 15) is NOT "required" to go spend time with her by herself (her dad used to make her go over for the afternoon for "quality time" which always seemed to have a very negative impact on her emotionally when she got home, but she wouldn't talk about it). In fact, if the MIL does not "behave" herself, then she is not welcome in our home until she can start to act like a decent human being, both to me and my child....and this has had to be imposed for a couple of 1 month sessions so she finally got the point. I quit tolerating her behavior and didn't care who was there to hear it....i.e. "do not pinch her to wake her up - that is considered child abuse", "do not talk to her like that, she is just a child and still learning how to make choices" (my daughter was ridiculed for an outfit that she had carefully picked out - colors did not go together, but we were not going anywhere and she was only 3 or 4 at the time so who cares?).
It takes a lot of work to run interference, by my MIL has no right to run my child's life, or mine.
2007-02-21 02:10:07 · answer #1 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she just sounded like a regular proud G'ma, until the part about getting an apartment and your daughter should be living with her. However, it really does sound as if she truly loves your daughter, and to tell her not to come over would not only cause a rift, but it would be an injustice to the G'ma and your daughter. She obviously thinks the world of her grandchild. Maybe, you could write a nice letter, explaining that you understand that she loves your daughter very much, and how it's important for her to be in her in life, as well as yours and your husband's. Tell her, however, that you of course love your daughter and are quite capable of taking care of all of her needs and wants. Tell her it is natural for a G'ma to love their grandchildren, but that they are not the primary caretakers, and she should just enjoy the time she has with her and continue loving her. However, you feel that she's going a little overboard when she thinks your daughter should live with her. Tell her she's more than welcome in your home anytime, but that you and your husband feel a little hurt and confused over the issue of your daughter living with her. She is after all your child, ask her to please think about how she would feel if someone wanted to take one of her children away from her when they were little. Good luck...best of wishes.
2007-02-21 01:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is not your place to handle this situation it is your husbands he needs to be upfront with his mother and explain that the two of you have rules for the health and safety of your daughter and she needs to grow up a little. hope this helps
2007-02-21 01:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by atbkkj 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋