"It takes a village to raise a child." Do you believe in this statement?

Question

I read this disturbing article on yahoo news this morning (and sadly it was no surprise as this is obvious to all):

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/070220/national/problem_children

"The studies looked at poverty, peers, parenting, schooling, media, personality, genetics and communities.".....and basically they are all to blame.

If this is the case, what can be done to counteract this?

It's interesting to see that everyone has a very different interpretation of what a "village" is.

What I interepret this to mean is that everyone has a role and a responsibility to society. This use to be the case in days gone by where neighbours "looked out" for one another's children. If one misbehaved it was reported to the parents, and likely they got a good licking. It would have been shocking to have profanity and nudity on TV and in fact there was one "Baby Blue" station on at midnight once a week that had smut on it and that was it.

This is what has eroded and people stopped parenting, looking out for one another, stopped censoring everything, and so now anything goes, and with everything seemingly "without rules" these days everyone says it's a parent's responsbility, which it is, but when a decent parent lacks (which they do for many a child) these kids become society's (the village's) kids to look after in juvey hall or prison and we all pay for it regardless.

Answer 1

I very much agree that it is disturbing. I do agree with much that it says. One thing that stuck out in my mind was the "feminism" portion. I personally feel feminism has gone to far. I think it's great that I can do any job just as well if not better then a man can do it but I don't emphasize superiority. I find many mothers do--in the work place, at home, and even at the grocery store. We don’t nurture anymore--we provide. This is a total flop from where it stood twenty years ago. It is human nature that a woman nurtures their children. I mean look at all of the other mammals out there--they nature their kids all day long. I find many mothers lack time and understanding for their children. Fathers do have an important role too but I feel it comes harder for them.

The US [I don’t live in Canada so I don’t know] is too competitive now days. Everyone wants to be the “best”--individually. So we teach ourselves that asking for help or needing help is wrong. Neighbors don’t care to tell you what’s going on at your own house--most of the time if you do they will look as if you are invading their privacy. We aren’t friendly to each other so why would we want to watch out for other people?

People have turned everything that was well meant [telling a neighbor that you saw their daughter drinking] into just being nosey. People love their privacy a little too much.

In order to counter-act this I think parents should be more involved in their kids life. I’m talking back to the way things used to be--sitting down and eating dinner together, playing sports after work/school, taking time just to talk, and putting their KIDS first sometimes. I think parents need to be aware of this epidemic. They need to be realistic and know that the chances of their kids ending up taking the “wrong” path is more likely then not. They need to realize that they do need to be a part of that.

The next thing we all need to look out for one another. We should feel free to tell our neighbors what’s going on. We should all be involved in our community. Goodness knows, there are so many negative influences in a child’s life but we should be trying our hardest to participate in positive influences.

And lastly, parents need to set a good example. If our children see us being defiant towards a law then they will feel it’s okay. If kids see us talk rudely to a sales person they’ll think it’s okay. If our kids see us bully or talk behinds a friends back they’ll think it’s okay. Kids learn from EXAMPLE not from word.

Being a parent is a full time job. We all should start acting like it. Gone are the days when we all can just think of ourselves--we have to realize that everything we say or do can positively or negatively effect our child.

There are many factors into children being the way they are but it’s not only parents. We all need to start from home with our kids and hopefully after reading this article some people will think about what they need to do to insure their children aren’t part of the bad crowd.

Sorry I wrote so much! I just got fired up!

Answer 2

Well, I'm with my kids all the time and even during school I volunteer a lot, eat lunch with them frequently etc... so far they haven't needed a *village* to help raise them. That said, they have learned a lot through other family members and teachers and activity instructors that I can't offer them. They learn so much from their father and I that others can't offer- so in a sense , I think the village thing holds some truth. It's beneficial if everyone in the community takes an active role in children's lives. I have met other children in their school that NEED a village to pitch in. Children with not a lot of opportunities and attention and I definitely see parents and myself stepping up when we are around to help, comfort, be silly and offer attention to those kids. some kids benefit more from teachers, school, other parents and their neighborhood than they do at home. That might be sad and unfair- but it is what it is. The world would be better if everyone helped each other out. all you can do is your own part and hope others do the same.

Answer 3

I do agree w this but I think I interpreted what the "village" is differently that you did.
I see the village as your community & family.
In the past we all lived in tight knit communities where everyone knew each other and each other's famalies. You had generations attending the same churches and living near each other. The parents actually knew the teachers at thier children's schools and the parents of the other students. Teachers actually talked to parents and parents to each other.
Now children grow up and move far away from thier famalies for work and start thier own famalies in an area where they have no hisotry and limited ties. Often thier spouse is not native to the area as well.
We- the adults- used to be members of communites now we live apart from our nieghbors and rarely even know thier names due to work schedules etc. This is what has caused the decline - the death of the "village" and the advent of each house being an island unto itself.

Answer 4

I believe that parents must act as the go-between for their child and the "village"; ultimately preparing them for a meaningful life within society. This becomes overwhelming at times but instead of asking for help (mostly for fear of rejection or being labeled a bad parent) from the "village", many parents simply stop parenting. The "village" as it were is not very forgiving and increasingly hard to please. As parents in the eyes of society we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Our hardest job is keeping our focus on our child and what he or she can do to grow into a good, happy and law abiding individual.

Answer 5

I really don't agree with this. I think it takes a family to raise a child. Parenting should be done by parents, not by schools, major media, the community, or peers. That is what is happening though, and parents are abdicating their influence with their children to schools and the like. If the parents don't like the results, do a better job, don't try to find who is to blame.

Answer 6

You cant really counteract society. You can train your own child to be a better part of society, but you cant change the issues that are created by generations of poor parenting.

Mothers change the world one child at at time. And not always for the best.

Answer 7

Well, according to your findings, the "Village" is half baked at best! As a parent, all you can do is learn from your childhood, do everything in your power to make your child's life better than yours, and just pour all your love into him. That's all you can do. (and the necessary "No!" and "Don't you dare!" must be added at the appropriate times)

Answer 8

It takes parents to RAISE a child, but to care for one takes a whole VILLAGE.
Everyday tasks
bottle feeding- 2 people( none getting bottle, one entertaining baby
carseat- three people ( One entertaining, onw gathering stuff, one getting baby)
Diaper- One person

See?

Answer 9

It takes a parent to raise a child. Parents: watch your kids, because I WILL DISIPLINE THEM if they are rude. It is not my responsibility, but yours. A mall or a tv is not parenting.