Wedding is turning into a mess, in need of serious response.?

Question

Here's the info:
Bride, raised by her mother, good home, helped her at every turn.
Father of the Bride, paid no child support, so very not in the picture
only when he wanted to cause trouble.
Seperated and divorced because of verbal and mental abuse, cheated every chance he could.
complained any time he was asked to help, and got none.

Now years later he's willing to pay for wedding, has married the women he was cheating with, still Bi***ing.
The Bride has decided to get dressed @ the father's new home
and all pictures are to be taken there.
needless to say devistation, to say the least, best of all bride wants her mother to go there and get ready and have pictures taken, mother refuses , walah....Bride pissed, mother hurt by inconciderate bride.................there you have it.

ANY THOUGHTS

Answer 1

I'm pretty sure that the bride should have known that this would upset her mother. SO not a good choice. Her mom was there for her through everything. NOW, on the bride's big day, the dad just gets to swoop in and be daddy all of the sudden since he's paying for the wedding? NO WAY! The bride should feel really bad. I hope she's not letting her dad walk her down the aisle. I hope her mother is walking her and that the step mother is not sitting where the parents usually sit. She needs to be a row or two behind there.
Just my opinion though. I'm a single mom and even though my child isn't old enough to get married yet...I would be extremely hurt if this happened to me.

Answer 2

Of course it is the bride's day, but it's also a huge day for the mother of the bride - especially if they are really close. I think the bride needs to rethink this and consider her mom's feelings. I'm sure it won't be hard to find somewhere else to get dressed and have pictures. It's actually quite wrong of her to even ask her mom to do something like this. It may be that the mom and dad could eventually work out a relationship that doesn't involve hostility, but throwing them into a situation that they aren't ready for isn't going to make that happen. Let the mom deal with it on her own time while the bride respects that. Again, it is her day and she should want everybody to be happy - because if they aren't than she won't be either and the pictures will show it. It's not worth the hurt feelings for anybodies sake.

Answer 3

It sounds like everyone involved needs to grow up. We have a Bridezilla, a mother who is playing the victim, and a creep of a father.

Let dad foot the bill. If the bride wants to get dressed at his house, that's her choice, and she can take all the pictures she wants. The bride should recognize that her mother might be uncomfortable going to his house, and so should take the family pictures somewhere unrelated to anyone. The mother should be mature and understand that her daughter wants her father to be a part of the day, and be happy that he's finally paying for something. And the father should make sure that everyone is happy and comfortable, and so should insist that the pictures are taken elsewhere.

Unfortunately, it seems as though we are talking to three very immature people. I just hope that this doesn't turn into one of those feuds that people hold grudges over for years, and that after the stress of the wedding they all get over it.

Answer 4

Bottom line, for whatever reason, is that this is where the bride wants to be. Perhaps there's more room there, perhaps the place is more photogenic, perhaps its a condition of the finances. Whatever, the reason doesn't matter. The bride, naturally, wants her mother with her.

But it's the mother who is stirring up problems here, not any one else. All of this business happened years ago, and it's time for the mother to let go long enough to make her daughter's wedding day one of her happiest. The mother shouldn't spoil this day for her daughter by holding on to past grievances.

Answer 5

I have no clue how my wedding is getting paid for but I still wouldn't except help from someone like this girls father. It sounds like he just wants to be in charge and have his "bragging rights". If she cared at all about her mother in the first place she would have never had the wedding this way so you know what, that's the brides problem if her own mother doesn't want to go over there for pictures. She should have shown a little consideration for others besides her self so i say, serves her right. She made her bed now she gets to lye in it.

Answer 6

Honey,

Let the fastard pay for the wedding. Is the least he can do and it can really relieve you financially. This is about your daughter and not about YOU. How many years are you going to hold the grudge... 15 more years? Get a grip of yourself, is your daughter's wedding and if the cheating pig is paying... well let him! More for you.

You daughter is the child, but is you the one behaving childish. Get over it quick before you ruin your daughter's wedding with your behavior. Be the better person and the adult here, throwing a guilt trip tantrum is going to make your daughter resent you.

Answer 7

I can't believe that the bride actually expects her mother to go overthere. That's gotta be uncomfortable for her, the dad, and stepmon. Especially since he was abusive to the mom, not to mention he's married to his one time mistress. The bride needs to get off her high horse, I know it's her day but it shouldn'y be at her mother's emotional expense.

Answer 8

WHAT??? This is crazy, why in the world would the bride even remotely think that the decision to get dressed and take pictures at this mans house would be ok with her mother?

How incredibly inconsiderate of the bride to do that, and might I also add, dumb of her. Personally, I would think she has some major daddy issues, but doing this incosiderate stuff to her mom isnt going to mend her relationship with him. He will only disappoint her again and then she will have to live with what she did to her mother as well as what her father did, yet again, to her.

Answer 9

My best guess would be that because of the abandonment the bride is still trying to make her father love her by going to the father (because at childhood she felt that it was her fault and it has carried into adulthood, though she may not be aware).

She needs to understand that her mother is her true hero and needs to be treated as such. It is okay to love her father, but she needs to understand and deal with the reality of the situation and pledge her loyalties to the hearts that matter.

Perhaps they could find a neutral, and more appropriate, place to have the photos taken.

Answer 10

If Dad finally wants to do something and pay for something let him. If the bride wants to do picture and get ready there her mom should be old enough and mature enough to be able to handle it. Mother sounds like a baby and needs to grow up..... she needs to be there for her daughter and keep her drama to herself. It's one day out of her whole freaken life.... suck it up and just let the bride do what she wants.