I cant even explain the pain that I am going through right now, I have a tear to my eye while writing this. I am finding it VERY hard to move on. I met this guy 8 months ago, me 24 he 28. We gelled RIGHT FROM THE START. We were like best buddies as well as lovers, he said to me at the time that he wasn't looking for a relationship right now, but if anything changes he will tell me etc. So we got closer and closer, and got to a point where he wouldn't get intimate with me anymore after 1 0r 2 occasions as he didn't want to hurt me ot lead me on which use to frustrate me!! but I didn't understand. Then over the months we started getting even closer so we started talking about starting something but taking it slow. But then he would go through a fase of not acting like the perfect boyfriend, probably because he just WASN'T in the frame of mind. So we would argue and then the final break up was in december where he would say lets be friends for now temporarly as it is not fair on you.
2007-02-20 23:36:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
guess that it was my fault for still sticking around, but then he was during the time very indecisive as to what he wanted. It was like he was in a catch 22 situation, he wanted me, but he didn't want any ties or to settle down. But during this time I have falling in love with him. I haven't told him this. and over the break up he did say that I was perfect for him I have intellect,vivaciousness and a great sense of homour and if he was looking for someone then I would be the one, but he won't lead me on right now!! I am trying so hard to move on and it is killing me! He called me the other day to see how my new job was going etc. It is like he is still keeping in contact as he does still like me, but will not be forced to commit as he doesn't want a relationship. I just feel like in the furture that I couldn't be with him if he wanted as he has really hurt me bad!!
2007-02-20 23:36:56 · update #1
It is just so hard to move on as we were like best friends!! he still calls me, but I feel like i could never get together with him, due to the fact that he let me go, or risked loosing me just because he couldn't commit. He even told me I was perfect for him, so why would he have let me go. I think he feels that something could still happen in the future when he feels ready, but I am not gonna let it!! as he shouldn't have risked loosing me in the 1st place! I am so hurt!
2007-02-20 23:40:15 · update #2
JO...I feel your pain. My best advice is "move on." What you want is only half of what you've got. If you stay "stuck," you might miss what you are looking for, completion of yourself. The pain is a desire unfulfilled and there will always be a vacancy in this relationship. By moving on, you'll discover your true love and the pain you feel now will be minimized by the love and joy you'll dance in later. You never have to leave your feelings behind, they belong to you and grow with you on your journey.
2007-02-20 23:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by jill s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I found myself in the same situation about a year ago. I see that in some of the comments they blamed you for getting closer to the guy, but I understand you perfectly. When we met, we just we great together, we had similar interests and were just really compatable. He had been divorced before and had a terrible relationship with his ex-wife. Some days were great and others he would really distance himself from me, no calls or anything. It really hurt, because I really loved him. Long story short, you HAVE to find a way to move on. If you continue this relationship, you will never have what you deserve. Everyone deserve someone to love them properly. He's not being fair to you. Try going out with your girl friends, find a new hobby, take a vacation away, whatever you need to do. You're going to have to stop taking his calls, don't go visit him, do let him visit you and I know all of this is hard because I've been there. It's been 7 months since I decided I deserved better and it wasn't easy to get to this point. I wish you luck and happiness.
2007-02-21 07:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by Cocoa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes, pple can be so selfish, so insensitive.
perhaps, he doesnt want any hatred between the both of u... so he still calls u, to chat with u... forgetting that u need time to heal the wound he so scarred.
dont get things wrong.
if he really likes u, no matter how hurtful the past has been... he would be able to let go slowly but it has been 8 months!
perhaps he is telling u so much, that u are the perfect one cause he doesnt know how to react... doesnt want to hurt u. think this is the best way out, [to let u forget about him, taking him just as a friend] not realizing how frustrating it can be.
if i were u, i wouldnt allow myself to be led on by him again and again, then allowing him to break my hurt times and times..
i would tell him straight in the face that i have no idea why he sounds so contratiding and i would think that i need him to be out of my life for the time being while i cool things myself.
meanwhile, go ahead with a new life...
i am sure u deserve much better.
2007-02-21 07:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by alibaba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy this is tough. It is difficult to reason with our hearts. Our head tells us that we should move on..but try to convince your heart... And many of us have been where you are at. Is there another woman that he was involved with before you that he has not emotionally let go of? Is it possible you do not know about it?
You know it is important for you to do two things. If you really think he is the "one" you could exercise patience and give him time to come around but it is crucial to distance yourself a bit emotionally from him. Energetically you are very tied into him and on some level he knows this, and it is scaring the heck out of him. You need to do some sort of exercise symbolically to release this to God, the universe or whatever you believe in. It is true, very true in fact, that if he is meant to be with you he will be eventually, and if not he will not. Unfortunately you cannot make your wish, the wish of another. Love truly is about patience, kindness, and acceptance. I guess I am saying you need to love him unconditionally, regardless of the outcome. It will help you heal and detach a bit so you can move along in your life, and by creating that space, you will feel more in control and fulfilled.
2007-02-21 07:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During the eight months did you ever check him out? Honey, I strongly suspect that he is married that is why even though he is 28 years he made it clear to you right from the start that he was not interested in a relationship. I am sorry sweetheart but this guy only wanted sex so he gave you hope that things could change and you thought like we all do that we will win him over with our sincerity and unconditional love. Please don't shed another tear for him, try to pull yourself together. Don't give him the satisfaction of breaking you, come out of this stronger...and it won't be long before you find the man with your heart written all over him.
2007-02-21 08:13:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something tells me this guy is a playa. I have a guy friend like this also. We are the best of mates, and we can talk about anything. We often go out and party together and people always think we are partners. And although I often get the feeling he wants to be with me he never follows through. I think some guys are truely scared of commitment. They are so scared that if they are with you they will have no other women. It even gets to the point where when we go out he says im ruining his chances of picking up chicks! Natural instinct for guys is to spread their "seeds" I guess. I wouldnt even know what to say to you, because you already know this is bad for you and you should get out. Alot easier said than done. Too true. But slowly wean yourself off him. You dont want a guy like that. You want commitment he can cant and never will give it to you. He may marry you one day (out of pressure or coz it's the thing to do) but he will never change and he may even have an affair. And I think you already know this. Just take it easy and look out for yourself, however hard it may be.
2007-02-21 07:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by chickyboo222 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to tell you (no, Im not) but YOU hurt YOURSELF. He told you from the get go that he wasn't interested in a commited relationship. You CHOSE to stay and hang around and sleep with him. You felt he would change his mind and you gambled and lost. I commend his honesty because he could have continued to sleep with you and use you, but he was man enough to say no, I dont want to hurt you. You can't control who you love or when you love but when you have the FACTS up front but choosr to ignore it....YOU run the risk of being in the predictiment your in now. THIS is not his fault. He calls you because he cares, if you would prefer he not call you, then you need to tell him its too hard for you to talk to him. G'luck!
2007-02-21 09:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN to him. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Believe him.
You don't have to worry about him sending mixed signals. It sounds like he wants to be friends with benefits, or maybe he is a genuinely nice guy who only wants to be friends. Either way, you'll never have a relationship.
You have to let it go. You are only hurting yourself holding on to some hope when it will never happen other than in your own head. In other words, 'he's just not into you.'
Sorry honey. It happens to all of us.
2007-02-21 07:41:24 · answer #8 · answered by Wiseyngsoul 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, women sometimes do this......he told you he didn't want a commitment or a relationship and you thought you'd change him. You will get over him, and remember the lesson for the next guy you meet, this guy was honest and up front about it....your pain will subside, part of what you are experiencing is anger at yourself for not listening, anger at yourself for not changing him....when in fact the only person you have control over is yourself. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with it...be glad it was only 8 months.....
2007-02-21 07:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
some guys are OBNOXIOUS. believe me, i have gon thru the same. plzzzzzzzzzzz forget him, for your own good. when a nice thing is served to them on a platter, they dnt want to appreciate it. he may have some family responsibilities or issues he hasnt confided in with you.
take his memories in ur palm, like rose petals and blow them away to the winds. take a whiff of the wind sometimes,remember the gud things, not the bad. YOU DESERVE SUM1 ONE WHO CAN MAINTAIN A SMILE ON UR LIPS, nt sum1 who makes u cry.
pls appreciate his honesty. he could have misused a vulnerable you.
love n respect urself, the world will respect you.
we come to this earth to learn some lessons. try reading "many lives, many masters" by dr brian weiss.
i think you already know its over, u were just pouring ur heart out, rite?
get over him COMPLETELY, go thru thr agony of pain n seperation completely, THEN GO IN FOR ANOTHER GUY WHO WILL KEEP U H.A.P.P.Y. dont find someone else on the rebound.
in order to survive in this world, one has to be v.brave. be brave, okay?
you made me cry too...do something POSITIVE, go out with friends, take up a new job/hobby. immerse urselves in some activities, dont go to sleep in ur room till ur tired.
try to pray some. it really helps.
god bless you
2007-02-21 08:02:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋