Redundancy?

Question

Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down numbers of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current year, via retirement, will be placed into effect.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy

An employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure younger employees who remain that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SH!T). We take pride in the amount of SH!T our employees receive. We have given our employees more SH!T than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SH!T on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SH!T you can stand.

Once again, thanks for all your years of service.

Answer 1

omg too funny......my water spurted out of my nose i laughed so hard.....lol

Answer 2

Hey! Have you been Ninja sneaking around my office!! That`s on my wall!!!!

Loved it

10/10 an a* for ya.

Tink x ; )

Answer 3

Gooooooooood one!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah
ahahahahaahahahaha..............................
im spending time to write all these hahas, so u better gimme 10 points!!!!!!!!!! Getit?
NO, but srslee it was 2222222gud !
bye! Rockk on!!!!!!,
oooooops, i mean---- Sh!t on!!!!!!

Answer 4

Good one

Answer 5

I wish i'd thought of that one, it's priceless

Answer 6

this was the best today. thnx v v v v v much..

Answer 7

I liked it !

Answer 8

it was long - but well worth it!! made me laugh!!!! 100/10!!!!!!

Answer 9

I like it - it's so ture

Answer 10

Funny!!!!!!!