We have been off and on for 4 years. There was one episode of physical abuse when he put his hand on my neck but didn't squeeze, just threated. I called the cops and he hasn't done it since, but still is verbally abusive. Recently I told him I loved him after breaking up with him and telling him that I just wanted to be friends and he wouldn't say it back. How can I breakup with him in a way that he will take me seriously and I will stick with it. He calls me and tells me how much he misses me and I'm such a sucker.
2007-02-20 21:35:56 · 10 answers · asked by juniper 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
From what you've written, I don't think this relationship is healthy for you. You have to be strong and firm once you've made your decision to break up. Cut off all forms of communication. Don't pick up the phone when he calls. Don't meet.
It will be very difficult in the beginning. But do other things like meet up with friends, take up new interests to occupy yourself. Once you get used to singlehood, you'll realise how much better off you are then in an abusive relationship.
Time is precious, don't waste it on someone who doesn't love and respect you. Have confidence in yourself. All the Best!!
2007-02-20 21:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by an_an 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think the good part is that you know he is abusive and you are not making large excuses. If someone is spewing anger at you, or touching you in a threatening manner that is not love. It is not logical that someone we would profess to love, we would insult, and control. However it is very difficult to just leave these types of relationships and frankly he will not allow it. Part of the control believe me has a bit of an obsessive quality to it. You may need some professional help. I would say to this guy, let's go to a therapist. You certainly would not be the first, nor will you be the last to be in an abusive situation...and you may not just be able to extricate yourself from it...it has been 4 years correct of this back and forth stuff. I think even if he does not go to therapy with you, perhaps you could get to the bottom of what is going on inside of you, that feels compelled to keep hanging in there. See it is really hard to break a pattern of behavior that even baffles you without an impartial observer. That is why I mention the therapist. I think it will help you a great deal.
2007-02-21 06:02:44 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we all try and believe it if it's what we really want to hear...especially if this is an abusive relationship (physically or mentally) you really need to put your foot down and be serious about this or it could end up in a very bad way.....sounds like you are just scared to be without him and after 4 years who wouldn't be.....it is scary and it will hurt and you will want to run back.....you need to think about what it is about him that really makes you happy and what he does that really hurts you....weigh out your answers and see if there really is still anything there for you to even keep runnning back to....chances are there probably isn't.....chances are you just keep running back because its comfortable and it's what you're used to.....CHANGE IS GOOD!! once you call it off for the last time though that's it....dont answer when he calls dont go see him.....it has to be that way or you will always go back...good luck!
2007-02-21 05:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by Amy Hizzle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - stay away from him, move states, and when he comes to your house just lock the door and tell him to p*ss off. You are as much to blame as him if you keep going back to him too. Put some space between you both and forget about him. History will only keep repeating its self otherwise.
2007-02-21 06:01:13 · answer #4 · answered by Eve M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy's a FRACKING @SSHOLE just get out don't say a damn thing to him, ignore anything he says if he tries to force you call the cops, and if he even touches you charge his sorry @ss with sexual abuse
2007-02-21 05:46:24 · answer #5 · answered by Clayton B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to just do it.
Giving a kid candy, isn't the way to get him to stop.
Shoving drugs in front of an addict, doesn't help them to stop.
Buying beer for an alcoholic doesn't help them stop.
To stop, you have to be a doer, not hearer only.
2007-02-21 05:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find stories of women who've been murdered or otherwise made miserable from that kind of starting point. Refer back to them when needed.
2007-02-21 05:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl any man that put his hands on you aint worth your time. you need to kick him to the curb 4 good. u can do better....he is just using you coz u acting week. move to another state!!!
2007-02-21 05:44:55 · answer #8 · answered by puzzled 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first u make up your mind what do u want to do. dont create mess everyday.its your problem that u cant stick with him.he has all the right to move on.
2007-02-21 05:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by sonubhaiofindia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change your phone number(s), delete his emails unread, refuse to have any contact with him whatsoever.
2007-02-21 06:06:09 · answer #10 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋