It was a coworker; the relationship started as friends, turned physical; both have told me it was a friendship, with no feelings involved; the girl told me she knew he loved me/etc. and that he never had feelings for her, although she fell for him; he has recently quit his job where she works, changed his number so she does not have it, and is doing numerous other things to rectify his position in the situation. I have a lot invested in this relationship, and do believe his regret, but due to the length of the infidelity (Aug-Dec. 06) I am unsure if I will ever truly forgive and forget. Any help would be MUCH appreciated.
2007-02-20 21:06:31 · 14 answers · asked by las7343 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
once a cheater always a cheater !
2007-02-20 21:10:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may forgive but you will never forget. MY wife cheated and if I did not have to kids it would have been over. Ever since she cheated it is not the same. I wish I could get out but with the house and kids I would be poor. I would say if you can get out. It takes a very big person to except this has happened and you will always have it in the back of your head when they do not come home on time.
2007-02-20 21:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by doughboy0022000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheat, always a cheat!! Dump him and forget about him. And, yes, forgive him, it will help you move on with your life and then when the right person comes along, you won't have any hang-ups about a guy that has wasted your precious time and made you feel like a fool! No guy is worth your self-respect! You deserve better!
2007-02-20 21:23:31 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as quickly as a cheater constantly a cheater is approximately ninety% maximum appropriate. each physique might want to play the opportunities and want they're interior the ten%, yet they could't all be, can they. you have little ones, which bind you mutually for existence, yet no longer inevitably in marriage. flow to be sure a counselor, if he can open up be honest and choose why he cheated, perchance you could be sure it. If he's unwilling to alter the area and you could no longer discover it in your self to have confidence him back, then you definately could desire to have confidence your emotions and harm loose. I went by using this a at an analogous time as decrease back, spouse cheated, counseling, worked by using it, had young little ones, spouse cheated back. until eventually you could be sure why the cheating occured and be sure that concern, that's amazingly probably to happen back.
2016-09-29 10:06:29 · answer #4 · answered by husted 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I dont think I could see my way clear to forgive and forget on that one! It doesnt make any difference if they had "no feelings for each other" if anything it makes things worse (by my logic) because it was like a concious decision for them to do it.... Not because he was torn between two loves. Ditch him Babe and get someone who has some RESPECT for you!!!
2007-02-20 21:24:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what your heart tells you to do! You can forgive him but it will be difficult to forget this, you will think about it all the time and that also can ruin your relationship, so if you are capable of handling this I will say give one last chance! as you say he regret it, and hopefully he learned his lesson!
2007-02-20 21:24:18 · answer #6 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better than this. HE JUST ISN'T THAT INTO YOU.
God closes one door and opens another one. Trust that there is something better in store for you. Don't waste your pearls on swine.
2007-02-20 21:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by Alea S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
let it go. Just cause she dont have his number doesnt mean that they will not bump into each other sometime. Also what if those feelings came back?? move on he will do it again (for sure)
2007-02-20 21:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi las,
What a horrible thing to be going through!.
I don't want to judge your situation too readily here, but I have to agree that five months of anything that could have been stopped
at any given moment, continued to allow your partner to do what
he was doing.
This has done some damage and your trust in him is going to
be inevitably shaken quite a lot, but there is going to have to be a part of you that is also going to have to be in a small amount of denial about it if you are going to even continue to have a relationship with him.
What you have invested into this relationship is something that is balancing on very unstable ground no matter how good you are together or how great a guy he is at all other times. You have to have trust above anything else for anything to work out. I have been cheated on by a partner in the past, but they were usually one night stands but I put up with it for five years until I eventually left him and because I realized that I wanted a lot more than this.
My boyfriend was an intelligent and educated man who was also
very loving and romantic and so it was hard for me to turn my back but I wasn't going to be treated this way and he did cheat again even after he said that he never saw anyone again, he did.
Your partner knew what he was doing and to have kept on seeing this woman even though he knew that nothing was going to come of it, still, did what he did building up this other woman's hopes and dreams no matter how it ended.
I am sure that your partner is sorry for what he has done to you, but assumes that you will forgive him and trust him again now that he is changing jobs etc. If he was easily succumbed to this woman once, then he will be to another again is guaranteed and because of the way he kept it going on for the length of time he did. A man has to use a different persona in an affair to protect the affair from exposure and why, your boyfriend has the capacity and potential to switch and change according to the needs of others quite quickly and why he was good at hiding the affair from you in the first place.
Your self worth and esteem are going to be seriously knocked by this experience and it is going to take some time to re-build that and not just the relationship. It is ultimately your choice, but I would have to agree that if he has done it once, he is likely and at risk of doing it again. Why run away from his job and change his number if he is ready to face up to what he has done?. If he can't be trusted around one woman he has ended an affair, how can he be trusted around ones he is going to possibly be tempted by?
I know this sounds horrid and it is, but there is also a lot of truth to this to. You don't run away to change yourself and It is unheard of that people don't have feelings for each other when they get as close as to making love or sharing one another's bodies and emotions.however briefly. There was definitely some courtship in this romance whichever way it is looked at and your partner and this woman must have spent some amount of time appealing to the attentions of one another and were protecting themselves by telling you what you wanted to hear. You don't have attraction without there being any feelings involved.
Did you discover them out or did he tell you?. This is what is going to make your decision more than anything because if he didn't tell you and you found out yourself, then this clearly says it all and that your partner would have continued for some time with this woman if you had not have found out. I would run a mile!.
Don't invest in anything that has not proved it's worth of value and because you are going to be disappointed with the outcome and because he has already proved to you that he has no regard for your feelings to do something quite as bad as this to you. It's not like he accidently bumped into a woman and didn't know she was there, knocked her down but apologized and moved on. He took it upon himself to share his feelings; his body with someone other than you.
Forgiving or forgetting, is the same thing and we never forget if we don't forgive is very true. Do what you can to make it work from here, but don't expect that he will be faithful to you or share your dreams and hopes. I feel sad for you but you also sound like a strong woman who can cope without a man who cheats
on her. It is not impossible to re-trust someone, but it is not possible to move on from someone who hurt us very badly.
I wish you so much luck and that you make a decision that is right for you. x
2007-02-20 22:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u loved him truly and if ur relationship is 3 yr old, then i think u should give him one chance.i m sure everything will go the right way
2007-02-20 21:12:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well it depends on you...3 yrs...how much do you really know him...if you do then you should forgive but if you just discover you dont really know him deep down and it still hurts knowing he lied to you all this time.....then you should know the answer
2007-02-20 21:12:22 · answer #11 · answered by nursaffiyyah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋