i love my ex, he wants me back after he ended it with me out the blue, i just feel so confused, i keep defending him, hanging on to every last bit of hope that we can still make it work, my family and friends say i should forget about him, which i know is what i should do but its not what i want to do! the problem is even after we split he's still managed to hurt me, he said he'd made mistake and wanted me back, then wen i agreed to try but he had a lot of groveling to do first he went all distant again, he told me he felt pressured by the rules i was putting on him, anyway now hes back and second time and saying he will do whatever it takes and will prove himself and wait for me, im just so confused can anyone help shed some light?
2007-02-20 20:31:35 · 20 answers · asked by sweetness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like he doesnt know what he wants, so maybe you should have some time apart at least then you can bother sort out your feelings for each other. But dont make him grovel and dont put too many rules on the relationship, you need to find out why he broke up with you and from there you might be able to start again.
2007-02-21 04:10:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing how he treated you in the relationship, I would say proceed with caution. Even though he claims to you want you back, his behavior and efforts are erratic, which does not bode well for a successful reunion. I went through a very similar situation with my ex - boyfriend. We would break up - three years later, I still couldn't give you a clear answer as to why - and he would beg for forgiveness, which I would give without questions. Inevitably, he was not worth it and all it ended in heartache.
You were absolutely right to to say that he needs to prove himself, as you DO need some sort of reassurance that he is genuine and that he is worth your trust. A real man that's worth your time will appreciate this, and will do whatever it takes to prove himself.
Ultimately, I think that the mind listens to the heart, but also that (almost) everyone deserves a second chance. It sounds like you want to do that, and there is nothing wrong with that; just make sure you do it the right way. Hope it all works out.
2007-02-20 20:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by MARIANNA S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you what this is. Your boyfriend is very insecure and is deliberately playing with your emotions to try and manipulate you into submission. The idea is to bully you and make you see that if you don't let him have his own way, there's a risk of being dumped again.
He's basically punishing you with emotional blackmail and getting an ego boost when you're upset as it makes him feel in control.
If you give in and take him back now, he'll just continue to use your feelings as a tool for his selfish desires. You'll fear upsetting him and eventually you'll go through the same set of events and have the same feelings that you're feeling now.
Don't put up with this or you'll regret it.
Be strong & make a stand. Tell him you've had enough and unless he sorts himself out & fulfils your needs in the relationship, it's over. Show you're worth more than he currently offers you
He'll be shocked, but will probably come crawling back in a few days.
If he doesn't come back, then you're better off without him.
Good luck!!
2007-02-20 21:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by Cracker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to speak the truth and it may hurt, but I think you need to know.
He is an insecure attention-seeker and is very confused as to what he wants in life and is dragging you down with him. Your friends and family are right in what they say.
He's dumped you once, then come back grovelling, then went distant again, and now he's back again. Are you really going to trust him with your feelings? Can you put up with this all your life? Do you even need to put up with this all your life?
You are 22 years of age with your whole life ahead of you, don't even waste another second of your time on this person.
I don't know if you will listen to what I say, but I do hope you do the best thing for yourself, not him.
Hope you feel better soon :)
2007-02-20 20:54:34 · answer #4 · answered by delmontebanana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you he wouldnt have left you twice(?) already!
Sorry to put it bluntly but you obviously aren't over him which is creating these feelings of wanting him so much. feelings are confusing things. I ran back to my partner many times and was constantly hurt or confused and when i realised the reason was simply because i didn't want him not with me, being with other girls and i was too shy to move on, i felt stupid and humiliated.
It could be different with you. maybe you really do love him but you do need to think about how he makes you feel in the long run. will it be ok for a bit then end up with him hurting you again? whats it worth to go through all that again when you can be happy and single and open for someone who will treat you better.
My personal opinion is to let him go and listen to your friends. It's funny how 99% of the times your friends and family are right but you never listen to them until its too late. listen now before it is.
2007-02-20 20:39:27 · answer #5 · answered by ppl_tell_me_im_insane 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
obviously what you want to hear is make another go at it. i think that sometimes you have to to be sure that you aren't letting something really special dissapear.
if you think that getting back with him is the right thing to do then go for it. you might end up getting hurt again i'm sure people have already said told you so before. it's your decision and our life.
if you think that he will treat you better than go for it but the minute that he stops treating you well get out of their and you be the one to walk. if he walks out on you again then you will always feel that he has a hold over you so, if you feel unhappy with him again then walk away and don't give him another chance. but just do what your heart tells you to as nobody else knows how he makes you feel. people judge relationships too easily. if they are true friends and they rerally care then they will be there to pik up the peices noi matter how many times you make the same mistake.
2007-02-20 20:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by confused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is move on, find someone new who treats you with respect and forget about him. I was in a similar situation before, and now I'm with someone else and couldn't be happier. Your ex needs to know you're not a walkover, if you take him back he'll just do the same thing over and over again and believe you will keep taking him back.
2007-02-20 21:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by Laura Lou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to move on nothing he can say will make the pain go away completely i think you are just scared to move beacuse you dont know what around the corner im in the same position with my girlfriend tell him you need some space then think about what you want out of life and i dont think the answer is a lying boyfriend is it move no one know what around the corner that why life is worth living good luck coz this is the hardest thing u might have to do but it will be worth it
2007-02-21 03:02:51 · answer #8 · answered by kezz247 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all i want to say is - you can do better.... once someone has hurt you, it can be really hard to forgive and impossible to forget.. its always going to affect your relationship..
He's left twice already, don't let him do it again, show him you are better than that and that you don't need him to have an amazing life - once is his mistake, twice is yours...
You have dealt with the hurt form the last time he broke up with you please don't put yourself in the vulnerable position of him being able to do it again.. find a guy who is worthy of you and treats you right.
it's hard to let go of something you know so well even if you know its bad for you and its even harder having the courage to reach out and take something new even when your sure its the best thing for you..
and please remember the old saying -love like you've never been hurt- when you find him! don't let your previous relationships mistakes affect your new one
2007-02-20 20:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by StockRdHappy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face it he's a losser! he didnt want you then so why would he want you now have you asked him that?. You deserve better tell him to **** off he had his chance if you take him back thats you more or less letting him know that its ok for him to dump you and get you back whenever he likes. Why not find a guy who thinks the world of you im sure you deserve that Babe.
2007-02-21 01:05:27 · answer #10 · answered by suzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋