I have been married before but i think i only did that as i thought that was the thing to do , i realised afterwards that i didnt love the girl as you should love a wife, sex etc.
I am now in a relationship and engaged again after 2 years i love her to death and she would do anything for me but i find the same warning signs are showing their ugly head again, e.g. drinking too much not caring , sex life non existant .
I had a very volatile relationship when i was younger that hurt me very much and am wondering am i just not built for a long term relationship , i keep thinking back an found myself happiest when i was single bu then missed having a proper gf.
I dont want to hurt this girl as she is wonderful but i am gradually making her life a misery and fear that i will end up really hurting heraand i dont know what to do .
Do i really try and sort myself out or just be single .
Oh by the way im 38 have no kids and own my own home and advice would be gratefully recieved.
2007-02-20 19:49:51 · 17 answers · asked by denny m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you need to take charge of yourself. IT sounds like you may have some relationship anxiety. I would suggest if you are having problems with her or her behaviour, you talk to her about them in an open way, and be ready for her complaints as well so that the two of you can work it out together. If these are more internal signs maybe you should talk to a counciler either with her, or alone so that you can sort out your problems and find the answers.
2007-02-20 19:55:16 · answer #1 · answered by nemsethcszardescu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your past has really hurt you a lot. Maybe you should think of conserling to see where the the problem lies, this could help you get over this slight problem you have about relationships.
I sorry but i dont have the answer you are looking for you need to sort this one out on your own, single life is great fun and no worries as such in life. While settling down can make life better in ways you have someone there who loves and cares for you 24/7 no matter what happens to you. I love spending time with my hubby we do a lot together and have two lovely boys. Age does not matter when it comes to settling down you just need to be ready for it.
I wish you good luck for the future.
2007-02-21 04:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Denny,
Life is all about relationships. You may notice that whenever our relationships are bad we have a miserable time and suffer very much. One thing I must congratulate you for.. that is you have realised that there seems to be a pattern in your life which seems to repeat itself over and over again. But take heart!!! You are a diamond like every other soul is. The You that you think you are is not the real you, the real you is very very pure and can only radiate light.
I can tell you that at this time of your posting your question you have entered th realms of spirituality fo good. Your life is going to change. You may ask how i know this. The beginning of awareness of who you are and what you are doing is very important and you have done it well my friend. Next step is to accept that there is a problem but let not you think that you are the problem. You are not the problem.
I want you to sit in a quiet place for some time and think back on the childhood volatile relationship first. Look at it without any judgement and acknowledge this fully but dont attach any guilt of any kind to the same. Guilt is destructive. Regret is redeeming.Look at the times like you are watching a movie where there are only characters acting roles. Look at it squarely in the face and face the feeling that comes with it. It may be uncomfortable at first. Say to your self, I no longer am attached to that part of my life and that it is over and long gone. Cry if you want to to your hearts content. Finally ask the God you believe in just one thing and surrender that situation (which comes back to you time and again to torment you time and again) Tell God that you have understood that it is only an old happening and that you know it no longer exists and ask his help to remove that pattern completely. In a week let me know what happened.
Remember that all of us human beings are bundles of childhood traumas, that raise their ugly head all the time when put into a similar situation. We can literally predict how a person will react in a similar situation all through his life. You are very fortunate to know what it is that is the basis of your present and past problems with wives. When you see your wife you are reminded of that childhood incident during which you made some fundamentally illogical chilhood decisions about the female gender and this decision and concept and belief lives through you all the while .
Face the past without fear but in love and I assure you that your life will change and you will see your present wife with a different pair of glasses. She will wonder at the change.
Once again remember that life is all about Relationships.
I wish you all my very best.
Vishy
PS: all these past incidents are negative charge within us. it remains in our sub conscious for life, until we see it fully some day. Otherwise these dormant negative charges get even more charge when faced with a similar situation like our past time and again.
2007-02-21 04:23:33 · answer #3 · answered by vishy62 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look dude, I'm like 18 so whatever i say there really is no, how should i say it, degree behind it. My advice is to analyze yourself and find why this keeps happening. she obviously loves you or she would've left you. That being said anything you do can and might hurt as in you breaking it off, continue down this path, etc; You need to seek someone like a relationship counselor and talk with them. The problem could be a psychological obstacle or maybe you've lost interest and need to focus more on the relationship. Your choice, your life, you decide whats best for you and her. Good luck.
2007-02-21 03:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by The Dark One 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sure that u have honest feelings and that u love this girl a lot but what u have is something which need to be fixed ...maybe something from the past and u must sort this out ... its not bad to ask for help ...u can only get over it if u find the root of it !
talk to ur girlfriend and maybe u can see an specialist , sometimes its just a simple thing but we never can find it out on our own !
i wish u all the best !
2007-02-21 04:12:04 · answer #5 · answered by athina68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People evelove by living and learning, we need to learn from our mistakes. You say you love this women, and have identified your failings with in the relationship, well time to face up and deal with them, in a way it seems you are still trying to hold on to the single life, drinking not caring etc, whilst at the same time wanting the relationship...! May be you are scared of commitment with her? So things went worng in the past, thats the past, take the lessons you learned there and put right the mistakes. At the end of it all you have one life and one chance so make the most of it, and make her happy
2007-02-21 04:01:40 · answer #6 · answered by djp6314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that your behaviour is wrong and that is a good sign. You need to have a serious chat with this girl and work through it together. You may have to drag up some painful memories but if you don't get this sorted out now, it will happen again and again. I wish you all the best.
2007-02-21 04:22:35 · answer #7 · answered by monkienutz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you haven't met the girl you really love or you haven;t been in love yet, as in really love. coz if you do, you will love her more than yourself. i think that is what love is. whatever happened in the past, leave it there. not all people are the same. you deserve some happiness-be it with someone or alone. it depends upon you. you can be alone but not lonely. you can be with someone and be miserable. your choice. make your own happiness.good luck.
2007-02-21 03:56:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest with this lady and tell her exactly what you are feeling.. she must of picked up on how unhappy you are and that your sex life has dwindled. she may also feel that this relationship has ran its course but also does not want to hurt you.
i think you would be better off ending the relationship, and being single again. good luck
2007-02-21 03:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by Raine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should seek counselling as i think some elements from your past are affecting you now.
perhaps talk to your gf and tell her how you are feeling without hurting her. You may find she wants to support you and may give you some space too.
2007-02-21 04:35:06 · answer #10 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋