Why does my daughter respect her Dad more than me, I'm the one that is always there?

Question

Her Dad has the right to see her every other weekend, but he doesn't. He will pick her up and leave her with his parents. He will only spend one day a month on average with her. When he does have her he does fun stuff, my fun stuff gets forgotten about. But she tells every one that she loves her Dad more than her Mom. He never goes to her parent teacher conferances or school anything. She wants to live with him and that hurts me alot. I love her with all of my heart and I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to her with out bashing her father but she won't ever give me a straight answer that is going on in her head. PLEASE HELP!!

Answer 1

I can relate to your daughter a little, so I hope my answer will help you.

I'm a daughter who didn't see her father often during childhood. Whenever I saw my father, it was one of my most precious memories. I always thought that my dad was more special or more important because he was never around to spend time with me. My father also carried around a sense of authority when he was with me. He never catered to me, never thought about being with me. For this reason, I believe I yearned for his attention and his affection.

One thing that particularly got me to distance myself from giving my mother affection was her constant nagging and bashing of my father. She would never say anything good about him, which really upset me. Inside my heart, I knew that my father had problems, but at the same time, it made me angry that my mother always thought so lowly of my father. Hearing those words have really hurt me when I was a child...because even though she doesn't mean to hurt me, all the bashing and negative words she said about my father can well be translated to: "He's a Liar, Cheater, and doesn't love you because he's never around to care about you." Despite what she thought and how she felt, the fact that he is my father will never change. Children don't want to hear negative things about either one of their parents, even when the parents are divorced.

As a child, I appreciated my mother's affections and love, but I always felt that it was only natural that I should be loved and served by my mom. Seeing her always next to me everyday was the familiar, which became the mundane. I, basically, took her for granted.

But...it's been many years since then, and now as I look back, I realize there are children out there who would never know what it's like to have a loving mother like mine. There are children who have abusive mothers, while mine was loving...always by my side even when I was being a child-nightmare.

When I look back, my mother was a wonderful mother. Of course, there are times when I feel that my mother was not so perfect...but then, I will never be that perfect daughter either.

You don't have to ask her questions to know what's in her head. I feel that like me, she doesn't really understand why she yearns for her father so much. She probably won't understand for awhile...but someday she'll turn around and tell you just how much she loved you then...and just how much she loves you now.

Just continue to love her. Trust me...she loves you too. She really really does love you. Keep being the loving mother you are. Have a wonderful day.

Answer 2

Depending on her age she might be going through a phase.Sometimes with girls,they yarn for that father and daughter relationship and when they don't get it they tend to look to the person near them which is you into this situation and blame you.Try to spend some extra one on one time with her ,without competing with her dad.You are absolutely right you are there at the conferences or soccer games cheering her on and being the disciplinary figure in her life right now,My concern is there might also be something deep rooted that she isn't talking about ,but she will in her own time don't force it.She will realize that you were always there.So I give you your pat on the back, keep being her positive role model under her tough skin she is still watching.Don't give up!

Answer 3

Maybe she thinks your to suffocating and that when she's with her dad he doesn't judge her or make her do much cuz he rarely sees her. She probably also likes more cuz she doesn't see him as often. You know what they say "Seperation makes the heart grow fonder". I think it has to do with her seeing you almost every day and she never sees her dad so as far as she can tell he's a great guy. Don't worry about it. Just keep trying to talk to her about. Come out forward and ask "Why do you love your dad more than me? I won't be mad I just want to know why."

Answer 4

Maybe she loving for the love from her father. She might think that if she lives with him that she'll get more of his time. Just remember that she loves you but you sound like the only parent that is a parent and not trying to be a friend.

Answer 5

Since you see her more often you are the bad mom.
You punish and are responsible for discipline.
Moreover, daughters are alway in competition with their mom.
Maybe spend some fun time with her?

Answer 6

Don't you ever watch Maurry or Oprah??

Haven't you ever watched divorce court? Please go to a good

counselor with your daughter and for sessions for yourself. This

is not an insult, emotions are running high now, and both you and

your child need support to help get through this hard time!

Answer 7

Come on dont be so sensitive. it is just that she gets one day with her dad and in that one day her dad is all free for her no works he takes up for that single day but whereas you are always with her she takes you for granted. if she is that excited say her to go and spend few days with her dad (i know it wud b hard for you) but to bring her back with you try this for once and see the result.

Answer 8

YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS ALWAYS THE CASE. ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT SEE IT NOW, HANG IN THERE BECAUSE YOU WILL REAP THE REWARDS IN THE LONG RUN.