My fiance has a habit of placing his idle hand (the left) on the table by resting his wrist on the edge of the table and slightly clenching his fist. It sort of looks like he's using his spare hand to balance or something - ive brought this up to him and mentioned that he should really keep any hand that's not being used (like for cutting food) in his lap - ive heard that its not impolite to rest your wrists only on the edge of the table while food is not in front of you... such as would be the case during conversation, or while between courses. To me, when i see this crenched fist on the table and his fork in the other, it reminds me of a truck driver hovering over his bowl of chili at a lunch counter.... i love him soooo much but this habit has to go. Am i wrong?? is he correct?
2007-02-20 15:38:06 · 20 answers · asked by Juju 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
And also, so it's clear - this guy is awesome - im not trying to nit pick its just that we're in a lot of social situations and to me, i feel like, this looks bad. Im even ok with elbows on the table after the meal, when coffee is being served if your with good friends that is fine - so im not trying to be a priss about it - im not perfect either... if this were never to change, so be it - not a huge deal... its just that we were talking about it tonight and he really believes that its ok and i really believe its not the "proper" way to place your hand- purely from an etiquette standpoint and we posted it here to find out what others think - there's a backrub on the line!
2007-02-20 15:51:57 · update #1
- also, not a tightly clenched fist, a loose one... he's very comfortable with it - it's a lot like a Bob Dole fist really...
2007-02-20 16:20:42 · update #2
That is just way to petty for me. Leave the guy alone and let him enjoy his meal. Who cares if his hand is on the table or in his lap. If you're going to nag him about something, at least make sure it's something really worth it.
2007-02-20 15:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Speedy 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I was taught not to put your hands out of sight of your dining companions. He is perfectly fine in resting his wrist on the edge of the table. He's probably not clenching his fist as much as he is just letting his hand fall into a naturally closed position. A truck driver hovering over his bowl of chili at a lunch counter would have both elbows on the table with his face well over the bowl. I would have to side with the fiance on this one.
2007-02-20 15:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by Vakari 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends where you are from and what your parents taught. In America, it is common for the hand not doing the cutting or eating to be in your lap or otherwise off the table. In Europe, particularly in france, the American with a hand in the lap brings raised eyebrows and curious questions like , "What are you doing with your hand?" This occurred to me, personally, on more than one occasion as a student in France many years ago.
Generally, the American rule is not to rest your whole arm - including your elbow - on the table. The elbow is the only part of your arm that is objectionable. Per dining etiquette, that is.
2007-02-20 17:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by amishpantry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
According to my understanding, keeping your other hand on the table is okay, as long as the elbow's not on there. The clenched fist could get uncomfortable after a while, I would think.
2007-02-20 15:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well , i am a bit surprised , that you would be annoyed by this little detail ? as a matter of fact ? i just do not get it ?
it all depends where he was educated and how ?
in Europe , it is very RUDE to have your empty hand anywhere else but on the table .for, we use our fork and knife at all times .......we do not cut the meat and put the knife back down .
you are very wrong , to try to impose your ruling on this matter , and why ? # this habit has to go #?
not sure you are very tolerant here ..?
let the man in peace , and besides ? what difference does it make ?
okay here is the answer : YOU are wrong ;and HE is correct ........smile ?:-)
2007-02-20 21:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by HJW 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
According to this web site I just found on table etiquette, you are correct. Find the heading called "General Etiquette Rules" and scroll down about halfway. There it says, "Keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it."
Enjoy your backrub!
2007-02-20 16:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're nit picking. And you're trying to change him already. Not a good sign.
Update:
OK, so, in view of your additional details, I retract my answer. Sorry for being snippity. I'm with you. I think an arm, wrist, or any part of your body against the table is poor etiquette. His left hand should rest in his lap when he's not using it for drinking, eating, cutting food, or using the napkin. I hope he gives you a good back rub. :)
2007-02-20 15:43:16 · answer #7 · answered by lostjane 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I agree!!!A clenched fist is not proper at the table.It might give off the impression he has some pent up anger.Because a clenched fist is associated with hostility or anger towards a person or a situation.
2007-02-20 16:14:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
His free hand should be in his lap.
However, I often rest my elbow on table (big no no) during coffee and after dinner conversation. The rules have relaxed at bit...maybe too much.
Anyway, if it really bothers you he would ant to change it if he really cared about your feelings. Good pre-marital test.
2007-02-20 15:44:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
He should use both his hands to hold the knife and fork. Leaving the left hand free seems lazy.
2007-02-21 21:07:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋