The same insulting problem.?

Question

My parents still think it's good that insulting is the best way to dicipline kids.I think one of the reasons why because my dad says im disrespectful because just awhile ago i was talking about my school work. He was talking to me about how i forget alot. i thought he said if i was his daughter and then forget about him, he wouldnt mind. Then i said ''that didnt make sense''. he got angry and called me a crazy girl. Anyway, can you help me talk to my dad so i dont make him angry all the time.

My dad is under alot of stress because he lost his job abuout 8 months ago. i try so hard not to make him angry. Maybe that's why

Answer 1

GEEE thats called verbal abuse. instead of walking on eggshells around him why dont u get some books about the subject so you can stop blaming yourself and start seeing the wrongdoings your father is doing to you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your situation. I have always let my 17 yr old daughter choose what she thinks is best for herself, but to just let me add my advice before she acts on that. Even when it was moving back with her father not too long ago. I was hurt, depressed, angry that she would choose him over me. I kept praying for her, though, hoping that she would try to restore the relationship I thought I had with her.

She wanted a tattoo and I told her to wait until she was legally aged to get that sort of thing (even though I have one.) She went off and started yelling that this isn't the home where she can succeed and how she can never do anything. (I set a midnight curfew for her, which is more than lenient, its breaking the law allready.)

Anyways, she confessed after moving in with her dad and living there these few months now, that she has so many responsibilites and how she doesn't know how she can go on with all the rules. She was sobbing and instead of saying "I told you so..." I just comforted her.

Insulting her intelligence was out of the question and never a good way to teach someone about life. I instead held my tongue about my ex and told her that the only way for her to learn about life is to let her go and hope that what I have taught her was adequate for her to make good decisions in the future.

I hope you can somehow disregard taking the insults personally and still love and cherish your family, because even though it doesn't seem right for you at the time, they have your best interest in mind. When you are at the age to move out I hope you have the love and committment to your family to stay in contact, ask for advice or help, and to accept their love.

ps I am not the emotionally mom, I was a single mom for seven years so I had to be everything for my children. Sometimes how you express love to children is not how they take it as, and vice versa. Show your parents your love by trying to work with them, they are "probably" doing the best they can, and if that doesn't work, then tell them that the insults really distance the relationship that you have with them, and that you would like it to be so much better that what it is now.

I hope this helps, and good luck to you....

Answer 3

Any help will require a long-term effort that is best received from a counselor.

That said, I will share my experience.

My father constantly insulted me, my brother, and sister whenever we had company over. It got so bad that my brother took off for California where he continues a successful life with his wife and daughter. He knew something wasn't right and made his choices. He admits that he was lucky and does not recommend running away as a solution.

Our parents were born in the 1930's and at that time, psychiatric counseling was not openly accepted, even looked down upon. That attitude continues to this day despite the fact that all three of us children continue to seek counseling.

Through all of my counseling and reading, I have come to terms with the abuse that I was exposed to. I have learned that my grandfather was a lot more meaner to my father and my uncles than I ever experienced, and while that doesn't excuse what I went through, it certainly dispels any confusion as to why my father demeaned us when we were kids.

To this day, Dad is a very negative person. He exists in a little world of intolerance, fear, hatred, anger, agression, apathy, bereft of surrender. He will never change to the point of near perfection but has softened with age.

My advice is to accept that you aren't going to change your father. But you have a lot to do with how your relationship with him continues. Try to develop an attitude of diplomacy when your feelings are being affected by what he says. As you become adept at this, you will be able to communicate to him that his comments are hurtful and that you want him to stop saying such things. If he truly loves you, he will try, but don't expect perfection and allow him some mistakes as long as he seems to be trying.

I wish the best for you.

Answer 4

You might not be able to change him. Talk to him and tell him what's bothering you and that you would like to come to a compromise with him. If he doesn't change just grow a thick skin and let things roll off your back because there's nothing you can do. Try not to care so it doesn't affect you. My dad yelled and got angry so much and I was scared to death of him and he screwed me up emotionally which affected all sorts of areas of my life. So you need to be strong now for this can affect you the rest of your life. If I had the strength then that I do now it wouldn't have affected me so much. It is not your fault he doesn't know how to parent, even feel sorry for him. I'm sure he's doing the best he knows how to do, kids don't come with parenting instructions so he does what he knows which is what he lived when he was young. I know my dad loves us and I'm not angry at him. See if you can't talk to a counselor or a teacher at school.

Answer 5

Try to resolve any problems you have with your dad. I bet he have more problems than you. Do you know what day today is ? It is almost the end of the month. That means the rent is due, car payments are due, utilities are due. I bet you have Internet and cable and cell phone. Also, the most important part is grocery. Don't forget savings to buy you a birthday present.

It is not bad to be called crazy !
This is a crazy word.
By the way, how many crazy songs do you know ?

Make that your strength instead your weakness.

Maybe he wants you to be stronger. You are still learning.

Answer 6

Just remember that parents aren't always right and insulting and degrading children is NOT dicipline. Sometimes when people are depressed they say things to lash out at people they love. An adult should never do this to their child, but you might have to realize that you are not at fault here, and forgive your father for his "disrespectful" and "crazy" comments.
Just remember,,,It's not you.

Answer 7

sounds like my dad at when I was young. that is verbal abuse if it is continual. Not much you can do. He can't control you. You can't stop him from being grumpy. I'll save you ten to fifteen years though and tell you what i learned many many years later. Those things he said and those labels he puts on you are not true, they are used to control you.... don't believe what he says about you... he obviously is not nuturing you to be all you can be, he is tearing you down. don't believe what he says about you... let nice people label you, or just label yourself... believe in you.

Answer 8

sometimes writing a letter can help. with the right words he's sure to understand. be sure to stress that your intention is not to anger him but to keep the communication lines clear.

Answer 9

Stop being a jerk to your parents. Be a good child. It's not that difficult, unless you're a crappy person.

Answer 10

Think before you speak. Speak as you would wish to be spoken to. When in doubt, say nothing.