I have a grandfather who is mean, grumpy, and downright cold. Now the issue is... My stepmom a, wonderful person, has two children both from different relationships, one, the youngest son whom my father has adopted, has no contact with his biological father and for this reason does not have any grandparents from that side. My dad now has a little girl, two years old, from my stepmom. My grandfather wants to see his granduaghter, but he does not want to be a part of my little brothers life or my stepmoms, this is tearing the family apart, how can we all be involved happily without having one child feel unwanted?
2007-02-20 15:28:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I see that you care deeply about your family and want them to be happy and healthy.
The grandfather seems to be manipulative and controlling. I would not allow my two year old child to be alone with him.
I would make it clear that we are a family and will gladly visit him as a family. We would visit the grandfather at his house or at a neutral public place. If the grandfather becomes belligerant, abusive, or disrespectful, I wouldn't argue or tell him to stop. I would simply say something like: "It sounds like you are in a bad mood or are looking for a confrontation. We are here to enjoy each others company. If you choose to continue in this manner, we will leave."
If he persists or starts to become defensive, then we'd get up and leave without further discussion.
This teaches the children how to set good boundaries and how to keep themselves safe. It also teaches grandfather that his disrespectful behavior is unwelcome and fails to control other people.
I am sorry that this problem is tearing your family apart. Grandfather has learned that manipulation gets him what he thinks he wants, yet happiness eludes him. Now he must learn that respect is the only way to receive and give love and through love true happiness comes.
It is difficult to enforce boundaries at first, but with practice it gets easier and the children will learn a lot about self-respect and love.
Kind regards
2007-02-20 16:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you probably won't be able to. But to even try your father will have to stand up to his father. Not an easy thing to do at any age. You father will have to let your grandfather know that you are ALL a family and he can't pick and choose the ones he wants to have a relationship with. Either he treats every one with love and respect or he does not get to see anyone.
For some odd reason once a person reaches a certain age, usually over 55, they start feeling like they can be mean and grumpy that just by getting old they are entitled to make everyone else around them miserable.
2007-02-20 23:44:38 · answer #2 · answered by Laura B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your grandfather is mean, grumpy, and downright cold, I hope your sister won't be seeing him too much, and your stepbrother will not be missing much; maybe he's even better off. Your grandfather isn't a very nice man.
Lots of children don't have 2 full sets of grandparents, for various reasons.
Your dad and stepmom obviously want the boy; that is the main thing.
2007-02-20 23:38:00 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your dad and your grandfather need to have a heart to heart. Your dad will need to find out from your pap why he wont accept the young one even though your dad has adopted him. Your dad needs to take your stepmoms side while continuing to honor his dad. He does not have to agree with him, or like his decision to be the way he is, but he does have to honor him ( if that is his father...you didnt mention if it was his father or your mom's). Your dad's obligation lies with you, your step mom and the other two children. Regardless of your grandfather's participation. Understand that he may just not.
2007-02-20 23:40:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't put the children in a position to deal with the crotchety old man. If he can't accept everyone as part of his family, well I guess he dies a lonely mean grump and downright cold old man. Sorry - But thats how I feel. Blood does not make you family - its opening your heart, and he might be to set in his ways.
2007-02-20 23:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by MommaSchmitt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Omit the grandfather and be a happy family without him. As a parent, I wouldn't want him around any of my kids.
2007-02-21 00:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it clear to Grandfather that it is all or none. Your family will not tolerate him cutting one or two people out of his life and if he chooses to do so, he will have no one in the family visiting and spending time, and he'll have no one to blame but himself.
2007-02-20 23:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by kiera70 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
PRAY how can you make anyone do anything? you can't
you can't make anyone do anything - the only thing you can do is pray. That's all. He's a grown man, he makes his own decisions.
If he wants to make everybody's life miserable that's what he does.
My dad did the same kind of thing for many years, and I prayed and prayed for years for things to change, and finally they did. It took
24 years. Did you think it was going to be easy?
2007-02-20 23:33:53 · answer #8 · answered by art_flood 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grandpa wants to control things. Your dad needs to put his foot down and tell grandpa all my family or nothing.
Personally you would be better off without grandpa in your lives.
2007-02-20 23:55:46 · answer #9 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋