My girlfriend, whom I've known since early childhood, has been staying with me for a couple of weeks now. She's been having night terrors lately so I end up sleeping in the guest room with her, comforting her whenever she has a night terror. She's 23 and I'm 27. We started making out and that developed into more. When I entered her I was extremely shocked, to find out she was a virgin. I mean she is soooo dam gorgeous! So, since I thought she was experience I didn't take my time... I drove home fast, all the way, and I'm NOT a small guy. There was a lot of blood and she was sobbing in pain, asking me,
"W-hy are you hurt-ing m-e?" She was extremely tight. I was shocked but I think she was even more shocked. Now every time I touch her she jerks as if I’m going to hurt her. After wards I asked her why she didn't tell me she was a virgin, and she just shrugged her shoulder and said in a low voice, she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm confused… Why didn't she tell me she was a virgin? How can I get her to trust me again?
2007-02-20 14:56:40 · 17 answers · asked by amesB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I did stop when she aked me why I was hurting her.
2007-02-20 15:05:02 · update #1
I know how this sounds, however immediately after she asked me why I was hurting her I STOPED! I'm not that kind of guy.
2007-02-20 15:14:13 · update #2
Well I think she should have told you she was a virgin. I mean she was taking part in this just as much as you were. She had plenty of time to mention that she was a virgin before you entered her. You should have stopped though if she was saying that you were hurting her. I was confused as to if she was saying that while you were having sex or after. I'm not saying that you did anything that you shouldn't have. You just need to tell her that you are sorry that if you had known she was a virgin that you would have taken your time and been easier with her. Give her space to deal with the fact tat she lost her virginity. That is all you can do. She will talk to you when she is ready. There could possibly be some other issues involved with her. Just seems like that there was a point that it went from just making out to having sex that she knew it was about to happen and she could have said something. I really didn't mean to imply that you did anything wrong. The whole thing is rather confusing to me.
Now that you made that clear. You didn't do anything wrong if you stopped when she said it hurt. She should have told you she was a virgin. Just apologize. I still think there might be some underlying problem with her.
2007-02-20 15:11:03 · answer #1 · answered by gasnshngrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if she told you she was, would you have sex with her? it looks to me that she just wanted to get it over with and since she's known you for a long time, she might as well do it with you. many people have different views on virginity. she may feel embarrassed that she's 23 and still a virgin since in society people lose their virginity at a very young age. All you can do is be a friend to her and be there for her. Let her know that you really care for her and that you won't be judgemental. if she does open up and tell you, don't act awkward or different when your with her.
2007-02-20 23:50:43 · answer #2 · answered by truth hurts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some girls don't like to admit that when things are heating up. It can be embarassing if they're unaccustomed to talking about sex or anything sexual in their past.
If you stopped, like you said that you did, then you did the right thing because you were hurting her. Did she not think that it would be painful?
I think this shows an unfortunate lack of communication in your relationship. She didn't tell you about this pretty important fact. I mean, that's pretty significant. What else can she be hiding? A history of abuse? If she is someone you love and care about and can see yourself marrying one day, you need to get to the bottom of it.
2007-02-20 23:31:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
um okay, I think id ask her to stay somewhere else AND ITS NOT because of anything you did wrong or her BUT she sounds like she might have emotional problems or been abused in the past sexually.
Doesnt matter how gorgeous someone is, some people still have morals to a degree in this country,lol.
When she said why are you hurting me, why didnt you stop? ( NOT implying rape ) right then that wouldve sent up a red flag like wtf is this? I mean does she not understand sexual intercourse?
I dont know how to tell you to get her to trust again, sounds like something on her end
2007-02-20 23:01:36 · answer #4 · answered by BoTToms UP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to explain to her that it will hurt at first and because you didn't know she was a virgin you weren't gentle as you should / would have been so it hurt more, then give her a bit of space let, her come to terms with what happend - it was probably a shock at the time and now she sees you as the person that hurt her. thats all you can really doand hope she comes round to you.
2007-02-21 03:59:10 · answer #5 · answered by Soul Reason 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why didnt you stop??? thats what bothers me the most havent you ever heard no means no? she is terrified of you right now cause she told you that she was in pain and you didnt seem to care i wouldnt want you to touch me either she didnt tell you she was a virgin for her own reasons most likely abuse she didnt want to broadcast no matter what though your still a jerk but to make things right talk to her without touching
2007-02-20 23:10:02 · answer #6 · answered by jinx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what is she going to do, just blurted it out like that as you were lowering your pants?
okay, now that it HAD happened, there's nothing you can do about it except sitting with her, and have a heart to heart talk. others may laugh, but it works! she may think that she's embarrassed to tell you that she is a virgin.. and you should've asked her, i think.. girls never blurted things out just like that..
sit with her with a nice cup of tea, and a calm environment, and just simply make her feel good.. afterwards, start talking to her and if she still refused to talk to you about it, you'll have to make her realised that you loved her, and you just wanted things back to normal, and you really don't want to hurt her..
good luck.. ^^
2007-02-20 23:20:13 · answer #7 · answered by kisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you are gorgeous does not mean you have sex. i am considered to be very attractive and i am still a virgin cuz i believe in having sex after marriage. as to what transpired between you and her; you need to explain to her how u feel and that ur intention was never to hurt her but just to be with her. and let her know that you are here when she is ready to open up. wow, u really messed this one up, dude.
2007-02-20 23:11:45 · answer #8 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is this for real ? Sounds like a lunchtime USA movie drama and you're the bad guy.
2007-02-20 23:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by Narky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she obviously has had some bad sexual experiences which she will reveal to you if and when she is ready, you cant rush her. You have to decide if you can cope, if not, leave sooner rather than late so she doesnt get to hurt
2007-02-21 15:03:58 · answer #10 · answered by helen b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋