Can he change?

Question

My brother is 22 and I am 18 we live one mile from each other. We have not talked in 4 years. and now he is trying to talk to me and tell me he loves me. When he lived at home he stole my money, stole my smokes, and hit me. After all of that do you think he is changing. Or do it all to me. or worse could he just be trying to do it all to my other brother (21 year and a little on the slow side). I could not let it happen agian or to my brother(21).

For all that can't do math

22 - 4 = 18
18 - 4 = 14

I'm in the army I'm not scared of what he will do to me. I can beat the Sh!t out of him. I scared of my brother if something happens when I'm not there. I leave money in a jar for him if he needs it. and he has a credit card just in case and my bestfriend trys to come down to check on him. But someone can be there all the time.

Answer 1

4 years ago he was 14 and going through the start of many changes, not to mention what was going on the experiential side of his life.

I do believe that people can and do change through time.

Okay, okay 18. He was still a punk and so was I at that age, but at least I didn't have a smart @ss sister to deal with.

I've done all right. So what makes you the greatest gift to the world?

~

Answer 2

I wouldn't let him back into your life completely go slow he is going to have to earn your trust again. Be cautious you are going to have to get to know this person all over again explain to him you just can make a fresh start because he really hurt you in the past. Even if your relationship isn't ever as close as a brother and sisters could be its better then not having him in your life at all and always wondering if he really changed 4 yrs is a long time and i am a strong believer that people change hope for the best expect the worst keep your guard up Good luck!

Answer 3

For 4 years you have no idea what happened w/ him. You better have an idea of your brother's character w/in the last 4 years. Siblings do fought and take stuff from one another at younger age as we get older we mature and cling to our family but when you have no idea what happen with your brother within the last 4 years better asked around that you can trust before giving back your trust to your brother. He's your brother alright but you can always love each other at a distance without hurting yourself.

Answer 4

If you think your other brother is vulnerable, you have an added responsibility to be careful about letting your estranged brother back into your life.
It is possible he has changed, many do during these years, but you can't assume it.
These are some signs that show he might have changed:
He confesses his specific wrongdoings, and takes responsibility.
He apologizes for specific things he did wrong.
He tries to make amends. (For instance, he returns the money he stole, with interest.)
He understands that you don't trust him, and does not reproach you for this.
He willingly agrees to any limits you set.
Is this the way he is acting? If not, don't trust him and keep him away from your other brother.
You know him pretty well, so I expect you will make the right decision.

Answer 5

I agree that you could try having a guarded relationship. However, if you are worried about the other brother who is a little slow, I say listen to your gut.

If it's bothering you that much, you need to figure out how to protect your "slow" brother from being used. Have you talked to your folks about this, especially regarding the "slow" brother?

You are a great sister-they both should be proud that you are part of their family.

Answer 6

My sister is 22 I'm 21 she beat the snot out of me, stole from me and my family destroyed my things, everything under the sun- I slept in the living room for 4 years beacause we shared a room and I was afraid to sleep in there.
She moved out when she was 16 and we barely spoke to each other for quite a few years, More recently we've gotten closer and I visit her when ever I get the chance. I still don't trust her with money but she is my friend and she treats me with respect. She genuanly feels bad for treating me badly when we were younger and she's apologised on many occasions for it.
I definatly thing he could change, just don't lend him money.

Answer 7

Well it is possible for him to change....think about why he did those things to you before, was he on drugs are hanging out with the wrong crowd? Who are some of his friends now? Does he have a job? Or could he just be needing money, if he has no job. I would talk to him but kind of keep him at a distance for awhile, see if the other side of him does reveal itself....but it is good that you are watching out for you and your other brother.

Answer 8

It would not hurt to talk to your brother and decide for youself if he has changed. A good sign he's changed would be if he acknowledges his thieving, abuse and viollence. If he admits to this, tries to explain why he thinks he was like that and says sorry you might just have gained a new brother to help look after the younger one. If he avoids talking about these hurtful things then there is a good chance he's just the same.

Answer 9

if you really are that worried then i think you should maybe get a restraining order against your brother until he proves to you that he has changed. or maybe get a house sitter...but you also have to remember it is very hard for people to change especially from a person that your brother was, to who he claims to be now..without professional help.

Answer 10

have a relationship but be VERY careful of ur money and if he hits you maybe take some self defense classes or tell him that u will call the police