I stay at home and help take care of my paralized husband. We have a 3yr. old boy and he gets to the point where he drives me up the wall when I'm trying to do my daily routine with helping out my husband. Plus I mean, he's a 3 yr. old (you moms have gotta know what i'm talking about)! My parents are in love with there first grandchild and they spoil him to death. They offer to watch him 4-5 hours everyday and we take them up on the offer. However, our son is obssesed with his grandpa. I feel like he loves him more than me. He ALWAYS wants to go to papa's, even when he just gets home from papa's. I love the break everyday, but I want him to want 2 be at home with his family. I can't take him away from his grandparents cuz not only would my son freak out, but my dad whould have a heart attack. Is it wrong that he sees them everyday? Should I be concerned about how attached he is 2 his papa? I know he is supposed 2 love his grandparents but, am I supposed 2 feel like he wants them more?
2007-02-20 14:03:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First off.....YOU are so normal it's scary!
In regard to your sons attachment to his grandfather...I know exactly how you feel and what you mean. Except...I have five sons. My youngest who is 5 now...is extremely attached to his grandfather. If his grandfather isn't here every day (after school now...) or my son's not over there he gets upset. And by he I mean either one of them!
My father-in-law is very attached to his youngest grandson...he's been 'helping' with him since the day he came home from the hospital! I can't tell you how many times I've needed his help and then, there are those times when I wish it were different.....
BUT_ I keep in mind all of the kids now a days that don't even know who their grandparents are nor do they get to spend time with someone so much older and calmer (at least more than I am)
I've gotten to where I plan around their time together. Use it productively either to get back in touch with me or get things done that I couldn't with a youngster underfoot.
I've also come to see that the time my son spends with his grandfather is benificial to both of them...it has given my son independant thinking, and my father-in-law a reason to smile all the time! He gets to do what he couldn't with his own children---spoil a kid rotten and send them home! Instead of always having to set and stick to rules...in other words be the 'bad' guy...he gets to be the greatest friend a little boy could ever have.
Your son doesn't want them more....not at all....so don't worry so much on that. For him? It's a diversion kind of like sending him to soccer practice, or piano lessons without having to fork out the dough on that! And without the noise!
Your son has a best friend in his grandfather...one that's real instead of make believe...and trust me? Those invisible friends can be sneaky!
As for whether you should feel the way you do? As if he likes them more? Well, MOM you wouldn't be a good mom if you didn't! It's your job to wonder and worry and worry some more....the trick to surviving...is realizing that as your son gets older...his wants and needs will change and he won't want to be away as often as he does now. And? Pretty soon you'll be wishing he wanted to go more often!
They grow up so fast....and pretty quickly school, new friends, and new activities will take the place that his grandparents and parents hold for now...be happy and enjoy their relationship while you can.
2007-02-20 14:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Lynn D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that your husband is paralized - that must be really tough. I can not imagine dealing with that and a 3 year old. It is great that you have such a wonderful support system. A lot of parents, like myself wish we had help like that. What you are feeling is a lot of guilt, guilt that you can not be superwoman. You can not expect to do it all - and if you have help you would be insane not to take it. Kids always love their grandparents a lot. Grandparents are parents that do not make you do any crappy stuff - they are just 100% fun. Him wanting to be with the grandparents more is normal. My kids do the same thing all the time. They just have my grandma - who I always wanted more than my parents. Because it is my grandma too, I know exactly why they want to be there. She puts sprinkles on their oatmeal, lets them eat a cookie 10 minutes before dinner, stay up late, play in the mud and watch a lot of tv. I am sure your parents are doing something similar. They are not treating him the same way that they treated you. They had to "raise you right" they just have to cherish him. When your son looks back on this when he is older he is not going to say "My mother neglected me and stuck me with my grandparents". No he is going to have warm fuzzy memories of how he loved his time with his grandparents. As he gets older it will be easier for you to have him home more during the day. You may even be able to incorporate him into the routine. Like give him a chore to do everyday to help his dad. No one can replace you - so do not feel bad. Enjoy the time with your husband.
2007-02-20 14:27:59 · answer #2 · answered by chanajane3 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are just feeling a little guilty and then a little resentful at the same time...this is normal. But there is no one better for your son than his grandparents. Strangers will not love him and only see him as a dollar sign. Your son has the right to be happy and enjoy the grandparents. If his father is ill and needs extra help, how can a baby understand it all? This way he get to go have some fun...perhaps you could allow the grandparents to spend the day with you and his father at his own home too. Then everybody wins, don't you think? Remember one day the grandparents will be gone and your son will have missed out on such a special relationship. My son and his wife are far away and my grandchildren miss out on me, and I missout on them.
2007-02-20 14:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by teri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your husband.
No wonder your son wants to stay with his grandparents. They are seeing him more than you everyday. Five hours a day. He would probably get up at 7am, they pick him up say at 9am, he comes home at 2pm, has a nap till say 3pm, then off to bed at 7pm. Not much time really to be with his mum and dad..
Does he stay indoors at his grandparents. Are they taking him to play-school, the park, meet other children?
I have a grandaughter who lives on a farm away from civilisation. She is 8 months and doesn't meet anyone. When she comes here to our house she cowers and screams. This is because I've only seen her three times and she doesn't know me.
Try having your son every second day ... for the whole day before he really gets tied to his grandparents and gets into a real bad routine.
2007-02-20 14:18:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to ask for help. You need it. Right now he's having fun at papa's and so papa is is favorite person. I wouldn't be concerned about the attachment. I'm mom to 3 and aunt to 12 and one of my nephews is that way with my dad. He'd rather be with him than anywhere. I'd ask your parents to remind him when he's with them that mom and dad love him very much. You also need to make at least one day a week when it's all about your son. Just so he knows he still matters. Besides you need the break too.
2007-02-20 14:12:30 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie A 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, don't feel like he wants them more. He is just having such a good time with them. You need to ask your parents to watch your husband for a couple of hours and take your son out for a special treat, or a special trip with mom. Kids go where the attention is, and if he isn't getting enough from you, that is why he loves being with his grandparents so much. I have 5 children myself, and when they grow up and have kids, I will quit my job just to babysit and teach their kids so that they don't have to be in some cruel daycare center with rotten teachers!
2007-02-20 14:09:35 · answer #6 · answered by Mother of 5/Madre de 5 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i think of you opt for for a hug staggering now. i do no longer think of there is something incorrect with you, you have basically had to positioned up with lots on your life. it relatively is a organic reaction to emotionally pull far off from issues that harm you. you may also have a sort of autism, considering which you suggested approximately no longer awareness thoughts. i'm like that. i do no longer understand somebody's offended and once I do discern it out I usually do no longer understand why. little ones are very sympathetic with their buddy, to the factor the place they cry whilst human beings cry (such as you suggested you used to) yet as quickly as we become older we discover ways to no longer do this. you would be randomly crying simply by fact there is a lot stress on your life. i'm getting like that too, i would be high quality, then some thing little will ensue, and that i will finally end up crying. Then 0.5 hour later I at times cry at some thing prevalent and unrelated. i wish I helped and which you're feeling extra desirable quickly :)
2016-10-02 11:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think grandparent time is great for all involved. I used to feel like my kids loved grandma more than me, but I got over that. Think about this....it won't be long before your child will grow out of thinking it is the best thing in the world to hang out with grandparents. They will still love them, but they tend to grow out of it a little. So definitely let him enjoy all the grandparent time he can so that he will have that memory to live with for the rest of his life.
I just lost my grandmother (who watched me everyday as a child) this past year and that was very tough, but I cherish the time I did have with her. But I don't think that will be nearly as tough as if I were to (or when I do) lose my mother.
2007-02-20 14:16:28 · answer #8 · answered by Angel D 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its not wrong for him to see his granparents.Remeber the child is yours. The gradparent had already raised you leave them alone to relax even if they offer to watch.Dont seperate them just give them some space so your son dont call his grandmother mom in the future and so that if his grand parents dies soon he wont stress to much. Your dad is probably getting heart attacks from sugar or stress. So just let him realx. Let him and ur mom go some where nice like the beach for the day then u and ur kid can spend time together.
2007-02-20 14:12:03 · answer #9 · answered by empressbebet 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
first sorry about ur hubby...and i think its great they want to watch him everyday(i'm sure they know ur stressed) and i don't think taking him away would help at all it would make everyone upset. my kids get to see their grandparents everyday. (we are neighbors for now) and ya know kids do pick favorites at this age... i know i was not always the favorite as the rule setter... and i bet papa lets him get away with stuff (my dad lets her get away with everything i'm not sure if he knows the word no....hmmm but he sure did with me..lol. but i wouldn't worry about his attachment..pap's are get fun grama's to and like someone else said this is the time to build the relationship with them...he loves you...but i would try to make some time for just him... with my daughter we do a little arts and crafts...nothing major...but stamps...stickers glue sticking pictures and he could make everyone a picture..he'll take great pride if the fact mommy helped make everyone pictures...plus i find it my most calming part of my crazy day taking care of baby and hyper child...and my fur babies ..lol
i like doing stickers on construction paper its cheap and a quick fun thing for them to do plus it not a big mess.dollar stores carry them...and i know big lots have cheap stickers as well and sam's club had a big book over 5000 for $10 i think..is what i paid.
2007-02-20 14:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by dragonwolf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋