Atheists: if others in your family believe, what conflicts has it caused?

Question

I am an atheist, but my two older sisters are devout Catholics (they were brought up Protestant, but married Catholics). My oldest sister has practically cut me off, while the other one privately concedes (to me) her doubts about her own religion. Subsequently, her oldest son - who is now in college - approached me about 6 months ago to say he had decided he no longer believed and was seeking moral support from me, the family's most notorious non-believer.

wow! these are great. i see a lot of my own experiences here. this is going to be a very difficult "best answer" choice!

Answer 1

I've been an atheist pretty much since I was old enough to read science books - perhaps 10 or 11 yrs old. That's about 30 years.

My mother taught religious education. At one point she wanted me to become an alter boy. I was forced to go to catechism, church every Sunday, I made my holy communion, confirmation, and had to study the bible quite often. When I was about 13 she forced me to go to attend some sort of community "be a better Christian" crap, basically guaranteeing I'd have no social life in Jr. High School. It was around this point that my cork finally popped, and I told he I stopped believing in her deluded god beliefs years ago. To this day, I'm not entirely sure how much her guilt laden religious influence on my upbringing stifled my progress as an adult. It definitely messed me up as a kid.

I'd say she's probably never forgiven me for my, in her words "rejection of god." Twelve years ago, my sister became pregnant out of wedlock, and my mother coerced our entire family (with the exception of me and my other sister) to not attend her wedding.

I basically wrote her off as a nut job after that.

In an unrelated argument, we stopped speaking about ten years ago. I feel really sorry for her. I hope she takes comfort in her god, because she won't be getting any from me.

(Godless, if I could give you ten thumbs up for that story, I would.)

Answer 2

My family was fairly understanding about it. When I told them, they said that they figured that would be the case.

My ex-wife is a devout christian. When we dated, she promised it would not be an issue. After we were married, it started becoming an issue. I won't say it is the reason we divorced, but it sure didn't help things out.

Even now, she has tried to insist that on the weekends I have the children, they must go to church. Of course they do not. But, they are too young to even understand what christianity is all about anyways(4 and 1).

But, it hasn't really caused a whole lot of problems, as the people I associate with are very tolerant people, as I am.

At work, the know it as well, and most of the people I work with are very devout christians as well. But, they self admittedly concede I know much more about history and christian history than they do. Even one of their spouses is a baptist minister. We have talked a lot, and he is even surprised at my knowledge of the bible, other religious texts, and religious history.

If you can always make a sound argument, most people will really be surprised. Many assume that I have no knowledge of the bible. They are very surprised when I start quoting passages, and telling them of the inconsistencies within the text.

But, I don't really dwell on those who have a problem with my beliefs, or lack thereof. The people who's opinions of me I care about are understanding and accepting of the choice I have made.

Answer 3

My mother went absolutely mental.

She was a pretty rabid Catholic and believed in using God as a psychological weapon; in other words, she felt that God was her henchman and that she could throw the fear of God into you to get you to do what she wanted. She was emotionally abusive and physically violent the whole time we were growing up, especially with me because I was the oldest. When I rejected Catholicism, in which I'd been totally immersed from birth, she took it personally. I told her over the phone, and after harassing me on the phone for a couple of weeks, she drove about two hundred miles to make her point, which consisted of trying to slap me all over my house in front of my kids.

I smacked her right back, for the first time, and called the police, who arrested her and took her away. That was the last time we saw her. We'll never see her again. I managed to get free of God, and free of her, on the same day, and I have felt like a new woman ever since.

Answer 4

Ah, fellow atheist...Hi!
I have a very conservative, born-again religious brother. He and his wife send me extremely religious emails now and again. I finally asked them to stop in a nice way. Another potential conflict is that I can be made fun of and teased during family get togethers. I ignore it or go along and feed it right back at them. (Stand your ground!) My brother is the only one of my family that has gotten real serious about his beliefs. The others are pretty casual observers.
I've never been mistreated or disrespected though. Outside the family is another matter.
Just buck up and continue to ask questions! Good luck!

Answer 5

My brother's a devout Catholic. I'm a devout atheist...we don't talk about it. It's been an issue three times. When I visit him on the west coast, he insists that my girlfriend of 7 years and me stay in an overpriced motel so that his daughters are not corrupted by us. He chose an alcoholic cousin of my sister-in-law to be my nieces' godfather instead of me. He buried my parents' ashes in a Catholic cemetery even though neither one was Catholic. Basically, he's a jerk, but hey, he's family.

Answer 6

When I told my mother, she said, "Apologize, or God will punish you." My dad said, "You don't believe in God?"

After that, all our conversations that came close to beliefs were swiftly steered away. Things became awkward for a while, until they just didn't care anymore.

I still go to church with them, though, because
A. I can't exactly say, "Hey, I'm an atheist! I don't want to!"
B. Church can also be about family. It's actually quite pleasant in there.

But in the end I became agnostic.

I didn't even tell my elderly grand-uncle. He used to make his children wear veils to church, just in the 1960s. He's very strict about God. No way could I tell him.

People, if they change, shouldn't share it with their parents. It'll hurt them. Religon, a touchy subject, caused Kareem's family to disown him, just because he was an atheist.

He spoke out against the Islamic religon on a blog and is now on trial.

Does that give you an idea about how touchy religon is?

But if there is someone out there with an open-minded family, go ahead and share it with them.

Answer 7

My sister foud out and didn't really care. But she's one of theose people who likes to share good gossip. So she told my mom. My mom acted like she didn't care at first. Then she started in with the slick comments. Then she got it in her mind my boss ( a non-believer) talked me into being atheist. She refused to believe I'd been atheist most of my life and just kept it secret,

We got into it over that but haven't brought it up since. I don't know if she's told the rest of the family. I really don't care.

Answer 8

Not much. They are tolerant (at least to my face) and I am tolerant of them. I partake in christmas activities just like anyone else. I love my family. I too had a niece that came to me in her mid-20's for support. It can be a very lonely place, especially if you were brought up in a hyper-religious home. But generally I make it a practice to keep it to myself. In other words, don't try to convert me and I won't try to convert you.

Answer 9

My father disowned me. That's been 28 years now, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him in all those years, and our "conversations" consist of about 3 sentences each. It's at that point we realize we have nothing to say to each other. We don't know a thing about each other's lives.

My dad's 80 years old, in poor health and suffering dementia. I missed out on a relationship with him. I have gone nearly my entire life without a father figure and it has affected me deeply. All because I became an atheist.

Answer 10

My wife is a believer. She overlooks my beliefs and looks how I interact with people. The in-laws think I am reproachable. I always make sure to give my father-in-law a kiss on the cheek in front of relatives because he is so homophobic. I am an instigator ; )