well my boy friend wanted me to do something with him last night and I did and didn't want to do it. He thought it was his fault and that he did something wrong. He did not want to make me do it but he felt like he had done something wrong to make me not want to get close to him?
What was the feeling that I had to make me not want to do something and what should i tell me boy friend to let him know it wasn't his fault?
Do you think I should have done it or not??
2007-02-20 13:41:15 · 28 answers · asked by FairyPrincess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
wow what a vague question it depends on what you did
2007-02-20 13:43:42 · answer #1 · answered by cgim05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically there was a part of you that wanted to. The part that didn't is the part that is afraid of what parents and others would think. Girls just have a way of rubbing salt in the wounds by feeling bad.
When it all comes down to it, if you said yes but meant no then you did it out of fear. Fear that he would leave you maybe? You can't expect guys to read your mind. In the future just say no. If the guy pushes it the walk out of the room and talk about it later.
It is good to know that the guy feels bad it means he does care. But you definately shouldn't use sex as a way to hurt him. Deal with the feelings you have about the choice you made without making him pay for it. And don't make any more dramatic desisions if you don't mean them.
2007-02-20 13:49:59 · answer #2 · answered by Amanda G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off you should have went with you gut feeling. Your body and conscience always lets you know when something isn't right. If you weren't comfortable doing this don't do it again. You boyfriend might have been saying things like why don't you want to. Don't you love me all of these things are ways to trick you into doing something you don't want so if he said something then he should feel guilty and it is his fault but you didn't have to give in either. So next time go with your gut feeling. p.s. I was kind of confused by the way you worded things so please don't be offended if i got it all wrong.
2007-02-20 13:51:46 · answer #3 · answered by mlssa_mllr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should never do anything you don't want too. whatever the reason is. if you upset your boyfriend, tell him why, or just tell him it makes you uncomfortable. if he doesn't understand, I don't think he's all that great a boyfriend. if you're nervous about it, talk to him and find out why. if he really really wants it, I'm sure it will come up again and maybe by then you would feel better about it.
Basically, don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want too. you would have felt bad either way, so next time, stay true to yourself and don't do it if you don't want to.
2007-02-20 13:47:55 · answer #4 · answered by MentalCaseMaggot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that it's not because you don't like him or that you don't want to be close with him, but you're just not ready. Make sure you're clear that you mean you as an individual not you as in your relationship with him. Tell him that you made a bad decision and he had nothing to do with it. If you're uncomfortable with what ever you did then you shouldn't have done it but it's too late now. Just don't do it again until your sure you're ready. Good Luck!
2007-02-20 13:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by huhyftcgbjhu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that whatever it is that he wanted to do, you felt that you weren't ready to do that yet. Tell him you're not ready yet, but you'll let him know when you are. It sounds like he's a good guy if he not only didn't try to force you to do something, but wondered what he had done wrong instead of being mad at you.
2007-02-20 13:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by LovesToCook 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should let him know what makes you feel uncomfortable. That's part of having trust with one another, If you trust one another there should be communication, And that means talking about things that make you feel uncomfortable; that does not mean that is his fault, That's just simply the way you feel and he should respect that not feel guilty.
2007-02-20 13:51:21 · answer #7 · answered by mexlavanderlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you did, but the fact that you don't say implicitly reveals it wasn't anything to be proud of or very personal.
You want to strive for a healthy relationship--if one of you does not want to do something, then the other shouldn't pressure too hard. Every couple has to have fairness--take it or leave it.
2007-02-20 13:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by Jeff W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you did it because you wanted to make him happy, and it was your own decision, which it was. Whether you should have or not is really only for you to say. People do things they don't feel like doing everyday, and it's okay to make compromises in relationships. But if it was awful, and you don't like how you feel doing it, then don't ever do it again. There are plenty of other things you guys can do to have fun.
2007-02-20 13:45:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. And he should respect how you feel and not put you in a weird position you know what i mean? Let him know you like and you want to be with him but you just want to take it slow. and if he sticks around I'm sure he's worth your time...if he leaves....he's probably only wanting that "something" you didn't give him.
2007-02-20 13:46:54 · answer #10 · answered by David M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
something was holding you back and that was the feeling you felt, maybe you didnt know what you were doing/maybe you were raised to not do it/maybe it is your bf and other issues you have with him...he always gets his way/maybe you were resenting him for something..etc..etc...but basically something about what you felt was a signal that you should rethink if he's/its/really worth it and what you really want. you can always choose...dont start any bad habits now that can affect this and future relationships. (when it comes to making decisions)
2007-02-20 13:57:59 · answer #11 · answered by gem05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋