I'm 21 now, but I had my first boyfriend at the age of 20, so last year. He was older, 26 and we both go to the same university. He was much more experienced w/ girls, while he was my first bf & kiss. We dated for a short while, then HE ended it. It was a very innocent relationship, never went past kissing cuz he knew I wanna save myself for marriage. Neways, once he dumped me of course my self esteem went down, BUT, even while we were dating, he was very concerned w/ looks. Don't get me wrong, people always tell me I'm beautiful & I have a great figure, some even say I look like Angelina Jolie, but my ex would say little things that would bug me. He liked playboy types who looked fake. Also, near the end of the relationship, he was sort of ignoring me, so I called him one night to say goodnight since HE would always do that, & he said something very mean.
2007-02-20 12:38:18 · 15 answers · asked by Hottie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He was coming home from a party & when I asked how the party was he said: "Oh, u know there were so many hot girls there, u know the type that look like strippers & look really dirty”. I was shocked & just said bye quickly. I was REALLY hurt & couldn’t believe he said that to me, cuz I know I’m beautiful & he would always give me compliments before. I knew the relationship was over once he said that. Neways, I now feel like he ruined my self-image. I’ve dated other guys after him, & many guys give me compliments but b/c he was my first bf, I think his comment & his attitude on beauty have scarred me somehow. Because of him, I always feel like I’m never pretty enough or good enough. How do I get over this feeling?
2007-02-20 12:38:46 · update #1
By the way, people said I was way better than him. He's Chinese, 5'7 and he's chubby with a belly. I just don't understand how someone not that hot at all, had such high standards of beauty, while I AM beautiful?
2007-02-20 12:39:19 · update #2
Nobody can ruin your self image except you. Hence the word "self" image. That said, when a guy tells you things to tear you down, he is doing that because of his OWN negative self-image. He likely KNOWS you are beautiful and that he was darned lucky to have you. He likely knows he couldn't get past kissing with you, so out of his frustration with you, he likes to rub it in your face that he is hanging out with girls who will "put out". That's his way of trying to get even with you for not doing what he wanted you to do. Girl, he is NOT EVEN WORTH YOUR TIME and energy fretting about him. You ARE beautiful. You said so yourself, and you say others notice this about you. Believe that. I have a niece that is stunningly beautiful. She is married to a guy who is not all that good-looking himself, but he tells her that she looks dumpy sometimes, when she is so incredibly beautiful. She couldn't look dumpy if she tried. She actually BELIEVES her husband when he says this. It makes me so mad.
Don't believe this guy. Believe what you know in your gut. Yes, he was your first boyfriend. Take your experience from him as a learning experience for what you want to STAY AWAY FROM in a relationship with a man. He is an emotionally abusive man. He himself feels so low about himself that he has to put you down so he will feel better. That is simply pathetic. You deserve better. You are beautiful. You are smart (college is not easy). Believe in yourself and in your attractiveness. Relax and walk with your head held high. There will be plenty of guys who will notice and appreciate you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Please don't allow some stupid fool's comments to you affect how you feel about yourself. You deserve better than that.
2007-02-20 12:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it happens all the time; you're dating someone who isn't that attractive themselves, and they know it, and they start to resent the relationship figuring that you're into it for the physical, which you may or may not be. well at least that's how it is for men when they're dating a girl who isn't that great looking. he's upset becuase he can't get what he wants, so he sabotages it with what he can get. think about it; the age difference, why couldn't he get a girl closer in age to him, like 23 or 24. why can't he get those girls who are slutty looking, as he says. those girls probably don't want him because he's broke or he's not hot, and quite honestly, those types of girls, even if he did have something to offer, would just take it from him and move on. and he'd fall for it everytime because he needs that type of girl to make him feel better about himself and to reassure him. we all do it, there's that girl who is attractive but isn't dripping in sex or whatever and we f* up the good relationships we have for the fantasy. but the fantasy will never treat us right, so we never put our heart and soul into going after it and we never get it. but we don't know if that is the case or not but it's that much easier to assume, whatever.
he was more experienced with girls, and then again he probably wasn't. he was probably just more experienced than what you were used to dealing with. just be glad that you didn't go there with him and you at least have your dignity intact becuase you would have regreted doing so if you had, regardless of your morals ...
2007-02-20 12:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forget he exists. Really, it shouldn't be too hard. Hypocrites should be hung on sight; however, since the law says that's a bad thing, just refuse to acknowledge him. Find another BF, or another friend at least, and go your own way. You know how you look, and what you're good at; take those thoughts with you, and you'll get along just fine. Okay? Just be yourself, and relax.
2007-02-20 12:44:04 · answer #3 · answered by knight2001us 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend didn't ruin your self-image, your low self-esteem and insecurities did. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The guy sounds like he was a jerk, but you fed right into his abusive ways. The important thing isn't what others think about your looks, it's how you feel about yourself. Take control of your own life and let go of the short loser.
2007-02-20 12:43:47 · answer #4 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the way you described him and yourself, I can't see you having any self image problem.
As you asked, I would say it's the fact that you won't have sex. He wanted it, and when you didn't supply it, he struck back at you. Telling you all about those other lovely women who were all over him. I would say that's all in his mind. His fantasies.
You are well rid of him.
Sadly there aren't too many men, who are willing to wait for marriage to have sex. There are men who will be willing, but don't be surprised, if you have to date lots of them, to find one who is right.
]That's your choice, it's your body, and you have the right to do what you want with it. Just realize, there are consquences in what you do. If you are happy with you choice, then stick to it. Don't give it up, because some guy, isn't willing to wait for you.
2007-02-20 12:47:14 · answer #5 · answered by johnb693 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what he said was pretty hurtful im sure, but you shouldnt be scarred for life about this, it will just take some time and you will be over it, once you start going out with some guys that treat you well, dont let one person's opinions or words ruin how you think about yourself, you truly believe that you are beautiful and thats all that matters.
2007-02-20 12:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by yauh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I understand that this is your first boyfriend so anything he says "might matter" but you don't have to put up with his crap. He is trying to make you feel bad because you didnot give him your virginity. You are young and very fortunate to "still be a virgin", you are PRICELESS!!!! Get over him..........He is a sad case!!! You will find someone who will love you for you and not just for what's between your legs. I will urge you to continue to save yourself..........Your husband will respect you down to the very ground you walk on..........
LOse the LOSER!!!
2007-02-20 12:50:48 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok classic example of a moron...one, hes obviously immature and is looking for something he'll never get. two, you are beautiful and if an idiot like him tells you youre not, then just think about where thats coming from. three, you should never ever lower youre standards, and im glad you didnt try to look like a hooker for him. four, its a good thing he's not in your life because he wasnt worth it - for your sake im happy he's gone.
2007-02-20 12:48:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like u should kick him to the curve dont worry about what he said what he said was the outside and you should even pay no anttenion what people say on the outside look for what they say and how they treat you on the inside dont let that bring you down your a better person then that wish you the best
2007-02-20 12:47:22 · answer #9 · answered by AMBG 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well some thing like dat happened 2 me i felt not good bout my self cuz he wanted me 2 give it up 2 him i said no made me feel not good enough n made me cry but then i said 2 my self who is he 2 judge i am my self n dats all i need
2007-02-20 13:02:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋