I really love him. We have been on and off now for years. But he won't stop looking for other women.?

Question

We are supposedly giving it "one more try." And he is up to it again. This time he is using online "hookup" services and giving out his number and calling himself single. He is denying it's anything but he acts different now--like he usually acts when he's cheating or looking around. He doesn't know I can view his online activity which I know is deceptive--but I had to know. I know I should dump him--the sex isn't even what it was before this started. But I don't want a huge fight; I don't want him to know how I know what he's up to; I don't want to lose him---but I know he obviously really isn't mine. Help!

Answer 1

Oh, God where do all you women come from? I could never pull any of this crap on any girls I had. Drop him immediately, or you will come home with your future kids someday and find another women there with her mouth full.

You really need to look at yourself. Why do you latch onto such an obvious looser and hang on for dear life? Break up and don't date until you can answer that question.
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Answer 2

It might be difficult but forget about him and go on with your own life. Get more involved with activities you enjoy, spend more time with friends, etc.
Let's face it, you can't be truly happy with this guy so why waste your time and energy on him.
You don't have to tell him you are aware of his on-line activities. Tell him you don't feel as though he wants a monogamous relationship, which is what you want.
It may be a difficult process in trying to get over him but, believe me, in the end you will feel much better and happier.
You never know, your new attitude just might cause him to be more interested in you. If that is the case and you want the relationship to work, take it slowly and cautiously. Just don't jump back into the same old "trap" again.

Answer 3

If u want any good chance with him, I feel u should stop acting needy with him, reduce contact and let him go. Get busy in your life. Even become silent. He will come to u himself wanting to talk to u. He shd miss u when u r not around. When u r always available, he takes u for granted. The best advise for right now would be to loosen ur grip and let him go. If he pushes u for answers, tell him straight up what u expect from the relationship. Tell him once he is ready to get serious with u, he can contact u.
One and off for a few years is a long time. He should know by now? If he is not sure, then, it's best to let him go until he is sure. If it happens, it was meant to be, and if it doesn't, it simply was not meant to be. I am sorry, u must be hurting, but u do deserve someone who wants u exclusively. Ultimately, u know deep inside what u shd be doing....but that's my 2 cents.

Answer 4

i've been going through the same thing, although i'm coming from his point of view, not yours. i've come to some pretty disappointing realizations in the last few years of my life. one is love is not enough to keep two people together. neither is a strong physical connection. and neither is a strong energy connection. when two people have chemistry and are obviously attracted to each other, it's entirely possible that while they are meant to be together in some fashion, it's not always in a romantic relationship... even though all chemistry seems to point that way. the energy could be for some other purpose but i think we miss that frequently and maybe some people miss it their entire lives and never get it.

you owe it to yourself and to him to get out of that situation. you've been through this enough as it is and you don't trust him and while he has feelings for you, he's going through something entirely different than you are. there's really no point in beating a dead horse. and if you can salvage a friendship out of this, then you should try. there may be something else between you that you are meant to do. maybe not... maybe your entire purpose together was to enjoy each other at the height of your relationship, whenever that was. but it's certainly not now.

and the only answer here is to talk to him. be honest with him as you'd expect him to be honest with you. don't attack him about his online dating search because the talk isn't really about that. it's about you and he and where you're going to go from here.

be strong. good luck.

Answer 5

You cant trust him so the relationship cant blossom or be productive. You gotta ask yourself what is it about him that you like? You could be going through the familiar thing us women go through and that's the fear of being alone. It's always hard break up at first but you should start preparing yourself for it mentally. Its coming whether you do it or him so you may as well not get real emotional and distressed because you already know how he is. It sucks, but you can do it. Just love yourself more than you love him.

Answer 6

Gross! Who knows what/who he's doing! And you're still letting him climb into your bed? I can't believ you even posted this, are you really pathetic or is he abusive controlling? Get out, don't look back, don't return his calls, move in with a girlfriend, leave while he's not looking, and block his phone number. If not for yourself, do it for the next girl this a@#hole gets involved with. Maybe he will take a look at his behavior before hurting the next girlfriend.

Answer 7

If u r still concerned with losing him then u r dillusional. He's already gone and has been that way since the first time that he cheated on u. U need to find someone who wants to be with u. Forget trying to salvage the relationship and move on with your life. It's not even worth it.

Answer 8

YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. HE IS NEVER GOING TO STOP BECAUSE YOU HAVE TAKEN HIM BACK TOO MANY TIMES AND I KNOW I'M RIGHT. WHEN YOU DO THAT THEY NEVER STOP CHEATING BECAUSE AT THIS POINT HE FEELS HE GOT YOU AND YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. THE REASON I KNOW THIS IS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THERE , THE GUY I DATED FOR YEARS I TOOKED HIM BACK ABOUT 100 TIMES AND HE WOULD NOT STOP. HE WOULD TELL ME I COULD NOT LEAVE HIM BECAUSE HE WAS IN MY BLOOD. HE WAS HURTING ME SO MUCH I HAD TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT ME AND WHEN I ASKED MYSELF,"DO I LOVE THIS MAN MORE THEN ME?" I REALIZED I HAD TO LET HIM GO TO BE HAPPY, REALLY HAPPY. WHEN I DID HE DID BELIEVE IT WAS OVER HE KEPT TRYING AND I SAID NO MORE YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE AND YOU HAVE PROVEN IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN. I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM AND I KNOW HOW MUCH, I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS HE WILL NEVER CHANGE AND DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW IT TO. MOVE ON FIND SOME ONE WHO WILL RESPECT YOU AND TREAT YOU RIGHT.

Answer 9

Get rid of him NOW... you deserve better. What do you have to look forward to? A marriage of him always running around with other women? You CAN find someone else that cares only for you. Move on, and quickly.

Answer 10

No, he is not yours now and he never was, nor will ever be. There are men out there that are NEVER satisfied and will continue to look around FOREVER. Unfortunately you have found one of them. It can cause you nothing but sorry. Get out now for your sake.