Mother Abandoned Me?

Question

Hi, I'm 30 years old. I have built a successful life for myself. I am single, own two homes, work full-time, have earned two bachelor's degrees and two master's degrees. Yet, I still feel extrememely depressed due to my mother abandoning me when I was 3 years old. I still remember waking up in the middle of the night as a toddler and looking around the house for her, thinking she was only hiding. By the time I got to kindergarten, it had sunk in that she was never coming back for me. How can I get over this pain? I think it affects my dating relationships. I've had several long-term (3+ years) relationships with men but I always sabotage them by breaking up, often for no good reason. I always feel restless, like I have to constantly change my environment (shopping, moving, breaking up, going back to college, etc.). I can not afford professional therapy (too busy paying for the houses and student loans -- LOL!!!) but I'm crying my eyes out, so any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

To "youizbaby": Dr. Laura is a ****h. The only "advice" she knows how to give is, grow up and get over it! That's insensitive and ignorant. She is not a therapist -- she is a charletain (look it up, honey). Obviously, I have tried to get over it. I do not rely on anyone to support me and I do not go through life as a "victim". At least I am smart enough to realize I have a problem dealing with this issue.

Answer 1

you should be very proud of your self...and you have got to let go of this and here is why, You haven't done nothing wrong your Mother did , and you are filling how she should be feeling, The only way to get over this is to except that you did nothing wrong, and let these feelings go so she can have these feelings,and get the effect of what She has caused,it is called cause and effect, no one cant get the effect of their cause if someone else is getting the effect, you are tormenting your self for something you did not cause, God bless you and remember this, A positive attitude is a magnet for positive results,And you should be very proud of your accomplishments...And You have to forgive her to get over it...

Answer 2

Have you ever tried contacting her and having a serious one on one meeting/conversation with her, it seems like you have all of these things and is still empty which is normal. I would want my biological parent(s) to be there with me to share my life, gains, and etc. I think that time can heal wounds but at the same time facing things can help alleviate the pain. I would strongly suggest that you deeply consider the fact that she may never have certain feelings for you, the feelings that a mother is suppose to feel towards her child. I would not cry or if so I would not cry too long, when a parent leaves a child they are not only missing out on a GREAT person but are probably hurting just as much or worse just make sure that when you have children that you do not consciously and unconsciously repeat the same behaviors. I would weigh out the pros and cons of confronting my parent. I would definitely take of this matter because as you stated it is affecting other relationships and you would not want to miss out on the love of your life. Hope this Helps!

Answer 3

You are obviously very successful and talented. I say start a family of your own and then you will feel part of something. Right now, you are not even giving it a chance. You are destroying your male relationships when they get serious for fear that they may abandon you again. And if they do, so what? It happens even to people that have had moms. Success is family and friends, not homes. You need to define what success is for you, because you aren't happy. Just because you don't have a mom, does not mean you don't have family, create your own. She would be very proud of you though I'm sure. Find someone and talk it out.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are dealing with detachment problems...The only way to get through this is to seek help sorry to say that but you seem to be following a pattern of 3 yrs..From what you wrote that you mom left you at 3 yrs old and now you do not dare to have a relationship past that 3 yr mark..You could start by writing down your feeling or maybe even writing a letter I know this sounds weird to you,but sometimes it helps to write how you feel and write a letter as if you were going to send it to her..This may help you get past the 3 yr Pattern with your relationships..When you write the letter or your thoughts make sure you write it the way you are feeling at that time..Even ask question why writing.. Try this it may help you I know that this has helped a lot of people..

Answer 5

Imagine yourself at fifty and single without your beauty and figure to aid you in finding the right one. Give it a good thinking over and you might realize that the twenties were for jumping around in relationships and the thirties , you need to settle a bit and find someone for your future because it is only going to be harder as time goes by.
As for mom, It was probably a mental illness and not you. A rational person would not do that. You cannot blame your parents for how you act now, so buck up and get on with it.

Answer 6

Hi. Abandonment at a young age causes tremendous mental health issues that affect all walks of life as you get older.

You really need to find a GOOD therapist that can help you work through your feelings of abandonment and the issues that this affects. This was a trauma that you need to heal from.

Look for therapists that specialize in abandonment or PTSD issues. And good luck.

Answer 7

Clsoe your eyes. Take three deeep breaths in count to 3. hold breath count to 3 and exhale count to three. then open your eyes. You have a beautiful life. Maybe to fill a gap in your life you fill it with something else. When some love is missing you put more love in its place. Maybe it is time to get back together with one of those long term relationships and enjoy. For the restlessness take yoga or pilates or even one of those fun exercising dance tapes. Bring joy into your life. YOU WILL LOVE IT! Good luck and may God be with you!



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Answer 8

You do need some psychiatric help. Abandonment by a parent is one of the worst things that could ever happen as you feel rejection. You must remember, however, that you were probably abandoned, not because you weren't liked or anything like that, but because of the circumstances. Was your mother a teen-aged mom? Was she able to afford to have you? it has nothing to do with you. It all has to do with her. if anything she was the bad person, not you. We will be praying for you to get out of this depressed period of your life. notice I said period, because we know you will get out of it. Chins up and we love you.

Answer 9

One thing where did she go,another thing did the state take you away. I know this almost happen to me. I wanted to die because they was going to take my two boys away. Thank God they don't .
Even when my mother in law did her best to call them on me.
I feel so sorry for you. But I really believe you mother love you
and she much be crying as well. Believe this if a woman carry a child for 9 months the baby is part of her heart.

Answer 10

Who raised you since you were 3?? You can't help that your real mom was crap. It's not personal!!!! She may have given birth to you, but that doesn't mean she was fit to be a mom. She didn't suck you into a sink at least.....so she at least cared about you. She gave you life, and hopefully some good people adopted you and loved you as their own. Stop looking back sweetie. The people who raised you and took care of you deserve more than that. Go to drlaura.com and find a station in your area that carries her. Listen!!!! Call her if you need to. Stop looking back and cherish what you DO have. The good things and the GOOD people in your life!!! I wish you well.