If this is you, I know that feeling you have of the "missing" piece in your life. I had an alcoholic abusive father beyond belief. I know the fear you have about becoming a parent yourself and I'd like to share with you what I have learned. The secret is to give your children what we didn't get, you love them lavishly without stopping, love them with crazy love, I promise you it will be returned 1000x over. GIVE them what we so wanted, not money, your time and devotion. I had those same fears, I've raised 3 children and they walked in pure love everyday of their lives, I was never abusive 1 second in their lives. They all three are normal healthy, productive adults. The key is to give exactly where we wanted to be given, you know that place.
You know what to give, it's in you...it's the thing we never got but longed for. Never fear that you may pass this to the next generation, you can do this if YOU decide to turn this around and stop the cycle...we decide!!
do you agree??
2007-02-20 10:30:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I can relate and whole heartedly agree
we should learn from our past and teach our children in light of that
I even thank both my father and step father for their mistakes that have helped me become a wonderful parent to my 3 girls
p.s this is a lovely post
2007-02-20 10:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by Peace 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any kids, and despite my lack of a family as a child, I am not at all afraid of having kids. The only reason I havent yet is that I'm still working on finding them a mom.
I would caution you not to give them everything you wanted as a kid. that is a very common mistake, and one which is ruining a generation of kids as we speak.
My advice is to make sure that they always know that they are loved and treasured. But do not let that translate into giving them everything they want, not enforcing rules, and failing to instill them with values.
Your job as a parent is to mold them into a fully functional human being, prepared to face the real world. This requires that they have discipline, morals, intelligence, skills, and numerous other things which often must be taught to them at an early age against their will. Kids will not develop character on their own.
And don't be afraid to push them. Too many parents do not challenge their kids (not to say that many don't overdue it) or to let them take risks. Some of the most valuable lessons and experiences a kid can have come while pushing themselves to their limits, and often failing. A kid won't learn to ride a bike without falling once or twice, and dealing with the failure is far more important than the ability to ride the bike.
They should know they are loved, and when they grow up, they will understand that all the things that you did that they hated, were actually done for them out of love.
2007-02-20 10:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. But you must understand that all children grow up in families that are less than perfect. No one grows up without SOME sense of unmet needs.
You have found a way to break the cycle, and that's good. I'd like to put forth that you undoubtedly had other male role models & father-figures in your life that you learned to emulate.
When the scriptures tell us that we "all fall short of God's glory," that means our parents, as well as ourselves.
Expectations disappointed?
Find man's perfect role model, Jesus Christ.
2007-02-20 10:47:58 · answer #3 · answered by Bobby Jim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. You love them, protect them, and stand by them, and they'll never wind up clinging to an imaginary father in the sky. You also have to live by example though, and not go getting drunk and stupid around them, or mean and violent. Breaking the chain is not easy, but it's very possible, as two great men once said, "all you need is love."
I know what I needed, and I didn't get it, but I found it later. Not up in the sky...right here on Earth, in this lifetime. I turned around and gave that to my kids. Not spoiling them, we don't have a lot of money and they've learned to be smart about financial matters, but they're very happy and they'll never experience what I did.
2007-02-20 10:37:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I dont.
I was raised by an abusive alcoholic mother. I dont have kids, but my twin sister does. She is doing what you suggest - and her children have turned out to be spoiled little brats.
The secret is moderation. You give in to ever desire of theirs, and they will be spoiled.
2007-02-20 10:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by YDoncha_Blowme 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree that you should love children unconditionally,but not spoil them or give into their every material desire.Growing up,I didn't care whether I got a new toy,book,whatever.I just wanted to know that my father loved me.
2007-02-20 10:38:13 · answer #6 · answered by Serena 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Mine was the opposite. Never hit me, never hugged me. Made it clear he would have rather had a son. Rejected. I have one healthy happy daughter.
2007-02-20 10:40:37 · answer #7 · answered by shermynewstart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It works like a charm doesn't it.
Love and blessings Don
2007-02-20 10:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are very sweet. ;)
2007-02-20 10:48:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋