am i right in leaving him right now?

Question

i've been with my boyfriend for around 10 months,including a 2 month break.He promised me he would change and so we got back together.we've been really happy for another 3 months,until one weekend when he tried to stop me seeing my guy friend,sore and shouted at me,cut himself with a penknife and broke my friend's cupboard because he was angry.He does have some anger issues but he is a really nice genuine guy.He has promised to take anger management classes to get himself fixed and promises he will change,and has begged for on more chance.I wish i could,but my gut feeling is screaming no.He has apologised a million times,but he even said he can't change straight away,therefore cannot promise it wont happen again.I wish i could forgive him but i feel like i can't.He even said to my friend he's getting to the point where he cant go on without meShould i tell him i want to end it for now,and i want him to get help to show he can change?What should i do?

Answer 1

leave him be4 ur face ends up like ur friend cupboard

Answer 2

Not one time in your question did you write the word 'love'
That says more than enough about what you need to do.

He has anger issues.
1) Next time maybe he won't be breaking a cupboard he may be breaking you.
2) He'll apologize 20,000 times, will you take him back then?
3) He cut himself with a pen knife? Does that seem normal?

You already know this is not a healthy relationship however, if you are the type that likes drama, problems, then by all means stay. But if you want someone you can turn like into love, this is not the one for you. Don't wait for this to get worse. Leave. RUN!

Answer 3

"Some anger issues"?! A LOT of anger issues is more like it. He is using his anger to control you and your actions. His "genuine nice guy" image is probably a face he puts on so he doesn't let people see the real thing.

Ok, so your gut is saying no? I learned a saying a few years ago, "Always trust your gut because it doesn't have enough brain cells to second guess itself." These are words I have lived by ever since.

My advice......call it quits and DO NOT go back, EVER. He cut himself to keep you around. He is using his violent tendencies to keep you around. Instead of physically abusing you, he abuses himself. You should also be aware that he is still abusing you, whether it's physical or not....he has his techniques to keep you around whether he's aware that he's doing it or not.

If there's even a remote possibility that you can seek professional help, by all means, DO IT! It'll be the best thing for you and I think it will help you see where I am coming from.

Also, you cannot change people who do not want to change. They certainly may say they want to change, but SAYING and DOING are two completely different things.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Stick to your guns. Anger management won't fix a broken emotional life and he's very damaged goods. I disagree with your assessment because no "realy nice genuine guy" would break a cupboard, stop you from seeing a friend and cut himself. He can promise till the cows come home AND hell freezes over but until he gets counseling or therapy of a pertty serious nature, he's going to be in danger of going off when things don't go his way. Listen to your gut feeling. BTW, his crappy comment to your friend about not being able to go on without you is manipulation of the worst kind. Don't get seriously involved with the guy until a professional is able to guarantee you that he has become a different person. If he can harm himself and a cupboard you are next.

Answer 5

Seems pretty tense...but basically, you're just more or less worried about his anger problems and his/your welfare?

I've always said to myself and to my other friends to follow your gut instincts - they're always right. But in this case, it seems like your boyfriend is EXTREMELY desperate in keeping you...but that's a judgement you have to make. Has he ever hurt you physically? Because if that's the case, you should definitely break it off before it gets worse.

On the other hand, if he hasn't, I would suggest actually helping him with those anger management problems. Enroll him yourself in those classes/treatment centers or whatever they are, he's going to need all the support he can get, and with you as his girlfriend, it can only strengthen your relationship. Tell him it's only in his best interest that he does. If he doesn't change, then leave him...but it seems like you two might be able to pull it back together. Good luck - hope this helps!

Answer 6

Honey! when they actually say they are going to change...it's at that point when you run away. He sounds too messed up. If he has an anger problem it won't be long before he uses you as a punching bag. This whole situation sounds too unhealthy. Don't continue in this relationship!

Answer 7

you should tell him that you want him to change now, and if he doesn't in a month or to, cut it, if you don't then it will not be a happy relationship.
you should also keep saying what you like in a guy, so he can follow to make you happy, make sure to put in sensitive!!!

Answer 8

You either have to accept him as he is or leave. He is not going to change and you should not expect him to. Get on with your life, he isn't worth your time.

Answer 9

Dont take him back he will just keep doing it over and over again.
I know this because ive seen this issue.
He will just say he will change and keep doing the same crap.
But if you think that you should end it and thats how you feel go for your instinct.
good luck!
: ]]
please choose my answer!

Answer 10

Help him first. Make sure he gets help. If nothing happens, it'll get you sure that you need to leave this guy for good.