***Should I be upset about this???***?

Question

My "boyfriend" & I've been seeing each other about a year and a half. I am 27 and he was my first true love. Things are rocky sometimes but we both have continued to love each other. A couple weeks ago he told me he wanted some space because of the problems in our relationship. He said he hoped we could be together but was confused.
I backed off, didn't see him for about a week but talked to him through email every so often. Last Friday I asked if he would like to get dinner with me. He told me not that night cause he was tired and just wanted rest. I asked if he had a date with someone else (gut feeling) and he said no. So when we saw each other the next day, things were great. He told me he wanted to rebuild our relationship, didn't want me dating anyone else. I asked if he had gone on a date with someone else and he swore he hadn't. I found out from him that he was on the date. He finally admitted itafter lying repeatedly. Do I have a right to be upset and feel betrayed?

Answer 1

I fully understand why you'd feel upset about this..honestly..its a girl thing..:-)..it's just how our bodies react to these things...but u need to look at the bigger picture..even though he denied it..he did come clean after a bit...he didn't have to, but he did...Guys are a strange bunch, and unlike women sometimes they need more than just those butterflies in the tummy to know if 'she's the one', commitment is a bid deal for a guy and it always will be. He was upfront with saying that he needed the distance. Is was just probably his way of taking a look into his relationship with you, and allowing himself to fully realize that this is what he want. Even if he went on a date with someone else, it does not change how he feels about you. He came back to you..didn't he? What you might like to try, is showing him that he can be more open with you without expecting criticism or you shutting him down. So the net time, he can be honest upfront with you instead of u prying it out of him. Guys always feel comfortable with knowing they can come to their girl with anything. Let him kno u are there for him. Give him another chance! I'm sure he;s not too proud of himself either..so don't be so tuff on him..he loves ya..they just have messed up ways of dealing with their emotion..Let him buy u some ice cream..:-)

Answer 2

Yes You should be upset. It depends tho.. was it a break? Did you both agree you werent a couple for only a little while to see what you guys wanted. If it was a break then don't feel too bad, Yes it hurts but just think you both have been together for a year and a half and you had some rocky times. You both were getting serious and because of the problems he probably got commitment phobic and decided to take a break to see where he is going in life. He took a step out to see if this was what he wanted and look, een after being kinda single going on a date with someone BRAND new which is always exciteing he came crawling back to you. He realized you were the one he wanted. Be happy he was out on his own and still wants you. He must really love you. You let him go and he came back. it was just a mid-life crisis and he found what it was he wanted.. YOU! I would celebrate!!

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

There are two ways that should have happened. First, he could have said I want some time apart to see other people, in which you wouldn't really be upset about. Second, if he said he wants time apart because of your relationship, and that he wants to further pursue the relationship later. I think what he did was wrong, the fact that you didn't date anyone and kept true is the right thing to do, but what he did is made that excuse to possibly see what else is out there. I hope I am wrong, but I don't think so, it tells me that is why he lied. I would be upset, my ex g/f and I separated for about a year or so, then go back together. Biggest mistake I made. I would take some time to really think, dwell and pray on this situation. It seems like you are his rebound girl, he knows you will be there to accept him back when he "takes a break."

Answer 4

dejavu is all I have to say... I am pretty much going through something nearly identical. It's not fun and I am not happy. we were never rocky... he has problems with commitment. We have never had a fight and get along great so he's doing this space thing and having a fling and whatever... anyway, I'm not hanging around but in the process of getting over him (he thinks he is going to get me back when he finishes with his fling), I keep thinking about him and unfortunately emotionally I am sort of at his beck and call even though I know I will tell him to buzz off when he calls again -- and he will call. I know him. Sigh. It would be easier if we were never best friends to begin with...

So... to answer your question, he's an idiot and yes you should feel betrayed because he told you not to date others. You shouldn't be at his beck and call. It's just wrong no matter how you dice it. He knows he was in the wrong otherwise he would not have lied.

What should you do? I guess follow your head and your heart and make sure they are both in agreement.

Good luck. Always remember that time heals all wounds.

KK

Answer 5

hi
well in a way yes u should feel betrayed cause u guys were together for a long time and he lied to u he couldnt even tell u the truth so if u think about it what eles could he be lying to u about think about it. if u guys were on a break and if hes already met some one eles then where does that leave u. alos if he really loved u he wouldnt have done that. im sorry i know it hard to except and i know u r hurting but look im sure u can meet some one eles better than him who will treat u right.
he could be playing u both at the same time too.
look i dont know him but if hes going on dates with other chicks and lying to u then u tell me what kinda of guy is that.and i can see u really love him but he doesnt but hey that my 2 cents.
good luck with every thing
but if i was u i would let him go u diserve better

Answer 6

Lets just say for the moment that he is looking and you are not. OK so you get back into the relationship. But nothing has changed. So in a few weeks he says, "I need some space." Then he lies about dating another girl, but says he wants to get back together with you. Sounds like what you just described works like a merry-go-round. Might be a good invention but not good for a lasting relationship. Have him get some counselling. If he won't go, then you go.

Answer 7

I see you have have a few choices. 1. Stay with the boyfriend hoping he'll feel the same way as you one day. (wishful thinking). 2. Take a learning curve and move on.
If he is lying to you now about this what else will he lie about. Yes you have a right to be upset and feel betrayed. But only if you choose to. You could choose to be happy, joyful and thankful that you found out now what he is like and move on with your life.

Answer 8

yes of course you have the right to see upset and betrayed and you really need to tell him how you feel about the whole situations too that way he knows that he hurt you and he might stop the lying and just tell the truth. If you tell him how you feel that might help your relatyionship grow together and help the rebuilding of the relationship but i would at least tell him that he hurt your feelings and that he should just tell you the truth so that way you have an open communication between you two. hope ever thing goes well!!

Answer 9

I think it's ok for you to feel bad about it. No one wants the person they love out with someone else. He did tell you he wanted some space. That means he is having mixed feeleings. You shouldn't be mad at him because he backed off the relationship before he did it. It's not easy for a guy to tell a girl he kinda likes someone else. You need to find a way to understand why he didn't tell you. Was he just selfishly lieing? Or did he not tell you because she was noting to him and didn't want to hurt you? You have to know why before being mad. Either way you are going to feel bad about it for awhile.

Answer 10

Hi Dear,

well, whenever a guys take a break he is saying something.
Do you fight, argue, curse, yell at each other? then its a rocky relationship. You need to find someone who will love you for what you are and not what he wants you to be. I am clear! I hope so. I don't you should take him back. If it was me I wouldn't be going on another date just bcoz we have a rocky relationship.

Hope that help you! hit me up if you need more information
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