I love my bf so much. He's the perfect boyfriend, except he gets jealous all the time and it can be really annoying, but it's never really bothered me because we always talk it out and he realizes I don't care about any other boys but him. EXCEPT I have a best friend named Matt. We've been best friends for 4 years and he's like a brother to me. We have absolutely no feelings for eachother in that way and I have never looked at him as anything but a friend. And even though Matt has a gf too, and my bf knows I love him, I can't help but realize how jealous he is about Matt. He gets upset when I talk to Matt on the phone. And when we hang out. Even though he knew me and Matt were close and best friends when he started dating me. Plus matt and my bf are actually friends too now and skate together sometimes. Now I'm confused. I feel like I should choose bettween my boyfriend and my best friend. And I'm NOT doing either one, so I just want some advice on how to make the situation better!?
2007-02-20 09:34:36 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would not give up the friend just because the man is insecure and jealous. I'd give up the man if he had issues with trust. I would not go overboard trying to prove trustworthiness to him either. It's not about control, or changing yourself in ways that don't feel right just to satisfy the other person's insecurities and needs and demands. It's about being friends with each other above all, accepting each other for who you already are, and enhancing each others' lives. If that isn't happening, then you may need to consider the actual quality of your relationship with BF. I do understand insecurities. But if there really has never been an ulterior motive between your friend and you, then your BF is being irrational to expect you not to continue your friendship with your friend. He should like you just how you are instead of trying to mold you into what he wants.
2007-02-20 09:48:17 · answer #1 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to both Matt and your bf separately. Then maybe your bf will understand why and how you like both him and Matt, but you'll never have loving feelings for Matt as you do with your bf. And same with Matt. Tell him that you love him in a way that is for friends only. Not intense love like you have with your bf. They'll then understand the situation better. It may be bad that your bf and Matt are friends now. One might be trying to set the other one up. You need to make it sure or just make it that something bad happens.
2007-02-20 09:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken to him about this as yet? If not, it's something you need to discuss. And try your best to be tentative about it because your b/f might get quite defensive. You should not have to choose, because if you are truly loyal to your boyfriend, he should trust you, and bury and burn all his jealousy issues. However, you also need to be respectful of your boyfirends time and presence. even though you have been friends with matt for yrs, your life has changed somewhat and you now have someelse that matters and u have to consider. So the two of you cannot carry on like ole times as though nothing has shifted. Avoid having length conversations on the phone with Matt if your b/f is around. Understand that it is his time and not Matt's...Matt also needs to understand this. And be careful with how touchy you are with Matt...kisses and hugs in front your b/f WILL make him feel uncomfortable and there is nothing about that you should not understand. Just put urself in his shoes for a bit. If he had a best girl friend, what are the boundaries that you would like him to establish? All in all..just talk to him about it..respect him and let him understand that he needs to trust you. Good Luck...and hope everything turns out ok.
2007-02-20 09:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by Mel-Kae . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your bf is very insecure in himself. My advice is move on there is no reason you should have to choose between your friend and bf. If your bf is jealous of your friend how much more jealous would he be if another guy talks to you. My ex was the same unfortunately I learned the hard way and was bashed senseless by my jealous ex because a guy asked me for directions. You cannot change other people no matter how hard you try but you can change yourself and your circumstances. Be safe and good luck plenty more secure guys out there.
2007-02-20 09:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by ang_23el 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your boyfriend has a little bit of insecurity issues. The cause of jealousy for many people. Talk to him about this, see if you can find out what exactly makes him feel this way - not just Matt but more specific. Then work it out from there.
2007-02-20 09:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by Romie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your situation will not get better. you cannot have a serious relationship with a man and have a male best friend.
your boyfriend should be your best friend.
doesn't matter how long you've known each other or how much he's like a brother, you will have to make a choice, or it will be made for you.
you may "NOT" be doing either one, (meaning choosing), but you're gonna be mad as hell and hurt, when the choice is no longer yours.
2007-02-20 09:41:44 · answer #6 · answered by wickedladyredd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, ive been in the situation b4,, first off, if your bf cant control his jealousy, then you need to leave hi, bc that means theres no trust, and no trust means no REAL love. Think of it this way, would u want a jealous husband 4 the rest of your llife? would u want to have to stop talking 2 your bestfriends? u need to do sum real soul searching
2007-02-20 09:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by Jeremy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should just tell him to deal with it or get lost. if he can not respect that you are friends with this matt guy and that nothing is going to happen and that you love your bf and only him he is not the right one for you.. sexy_momma_of2 at yahoo
2007-02-20 09:39:57 · answer #8 · answered by rebeccajsmith25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your boyfriend is insecure...I think that is mostly what jealousy is. Insecurity. Anyway, seems as though the ball is in your court...do you continue with this "jealously" crap or give your man a ultimatum. Tell him to Knock it off!!! or else...He obviously don't trust you.
Do you deserve to feel uncomfortable with your friends? or are you NOT ALLOWED to have boy-friends? Take a look at that...
2007-02-20 09:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Kamm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, if he trippin over u and ur best Friend there has got to be a reason, he is so jealous, maybe there's somethin wrong with him that hes so self-conscious about, u should ask him if there's anything bothering him bcuz ur buggin out when hes gettin jealous.
2007-02-20 09:44:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋