in being a mom, a stay home mom. I have done this for the past three years, my husband works out of town alot and will not help with daycare cost so I can get a job (catch 22 there). I am becoming more irritated and angry everyday, I feel like a loser since I havent done anything with my life and when I see someone else my age driving their new BMW and enjoying life I get internally angry. I was lied to and thats how I got pregant (long story) he knew I wasnt on BC as condoms were my BC for 8 years and they never let me down. Anyways, I feel like my life is going no where and I dont know where to start to even get one, I have no friends I can vent to as I have lost them all to appease my husbands insecuirties. I am a dependant too, and I dont want to be depending on a man when I am 30. But due to owing 8000 in student loans (bad timing) I cant even go back to school. My husband said 3 years ago he would pay it off if I stayed home and I did, and nothing. I dont know what to do
2007-02-20 09:24:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Yes I DO LOVE my kid, thats not the issue.
2007-02-20 09:25:11 · update #1
The thing is most of my friends are in the late 30s to early 40s and ALL of them work nightshifts as I used to before this, and the only time I cansee them is at coffee usually at midnight and a 24 joint...I always get accused of fcukkking someone cause the only tim eI see them is at night. I am made out to sound like I abandon my kid...while his dad is at the house!
He says its weird and not normal...but he is no expert on normalcy. What do I do about this, I have gone for coffee that late long beofre I knew him even. And he still see's his friends.
2007-02-20 09:49:46 · update #2
I know how you feel. I'm a stay at home mom with three kids and my husband works out of town. He's home on the weekends. He goes out with his friends on the weekends and I'm at home . We just moved so I don't have any friends around here. I hope it gets better for you.
2007-02-20 13:23:58 · answer #1 · answered by crevels23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I had my first at 21, my 2nd at 23 and I am now 29 and have a 3rd on the way. Being a stay at home mom is not all bad but sometimes you feel the need to be around other adults. All my close friends moved outta state so most of the time when I do go out its with my kids and my mom. My kids Dad is a pain in the butt too. People have told me to seperate from him but I don't want to take my kids Dad away and somtimes I feel that I need him in my life. Its just confusing as heck.
Hopfully things will work out for you in the long run and you can be happy again. Good Luck!
2007-02-20 18:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by Angel V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you are going through. a lot of people will say "being a stay at home mom is greatest thing ever," but i am a young stay at home mom, and i feel like i could do more. it's not a question of whether or not you love your kid, it's just that you want to feel like your own person, not just a mom and wife.
if your husband doesn't make too much you can get the state to pay for your daycare costs, or getting a job just to pay for daycare might even help. just something to get you back into the working world and your foot in the door. even if your whole paycheck goes to daycare, in the very least, it's gets you out of the house and lets you met new friends. hope this helped.
2007-02-20 17:32:47 · answer #3 · answered by that girl joey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to start maybe you can start getting some things that are laying around the house and put them on ebay. Keep saving and you can find a job and enroll your kids in daycare atleast parttime and if your husband doesn't like it too bad. You need to live your life the way you want to live it and not have someone controling you. Get out of that house asap!
2007-02-20 18:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is ruling over you and that is not fair at all. You need to stand up for yourself. I hate to say this .. but you may want to find a way to leave your husband and give him a wake up call on your life! You could start putting up alittle money here and there.. cause I am sure he monitors the funds, call around to find a daycare and get one lined up and then find a job and get it lined up as well. Do you have anyone in your family you can rely on.. if so maybe they can help you out some as well and help you get from underneath your husband.. this is not fair for you and you need to be able to breathe and move around like you want too.
2007-02-20 17:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel. i am 19 and a stay at home mom to my 3 month old, i already feel like i am doing nothing with my life. my boyfriend works out of town all the time to support me and our daughter, and i hate that i am not contributing to the household. but the way your husband is controlling you is messed up, youd be better off on your own, at least you would be happy. just do what you need too so that your baby has a happy mommy
2007-02-20 17:52:26 · answer #6 · answered by baileysmommy06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question tells me several things:
1. You feel like you have not done anything with your life.
2. You are still, three years later, blaming your husband and your pregnancy for the fact that you have not done anything with your life. (Maybe because this is less painful than dealing with being angry at yourself??)
3. You are blaming your husband for the fact that you are not currently doing anything with your life.
4. You are blaming your husband for the fact that you are dependant on him now, and anticipate depending on him at age 30.
So the first thing I would suggest is to stop blaming your husband for your current situation, and accept responsibility for the choices that you have made that have led you to this place and time, and the consequences of those choices. Deal with the anger, accept that maybe you've made choices you're not happy with, but the consequences are here now, and that's what you now have to deal with.
One of the consequences is a child who looks up to you to provide for everything from boo-boo bandaids to an understanding of their place in the universe. You ARE doing something with your life - you are nurturing and raising a child - the single most important and demanding job on earth. Could your issue stem from the fact that this is doing something for someone else (the child) not yourself?
Should you decide that you need to separate from your husband in order for your child and yourself to have a better life, you will still have to put your child first, and make all your decisions based on what is best for both of you, not just you alone.
Should you decide that your child's future is best assured by remaining with your husband, your choices for what you do with your life will still be based on what is best for your child.
Either way, the first thing you will need to do is take responsibility for the choices you have made up until now, and perhaps seek help in brainstorming what your current options are that will satisfy your need to feel valuable without sacrificing your all-important commitment to parenting, or your relationship with your husband.
Getting off the blame-game wagon is the only way to get your feet on the ground so that you can choose a path and walk it.
Good luck. Approach everything with love and respect for yourself, your child, and your partner each as unique and special individuals, and you will see positive results.
2007-02-20 17:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by JS 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait....
"he will not help with daycare"...they are his children too. Get a job, make him deal with it.
"I have lost them all to appease my husbands insecurities, I am dependent too"....stop feeding his ego and insecurities.
" I don't want to be dependent on him when I'm 30"...you better make changes now.
If he will not compromise, you need to decide if you will put up with this the rest of your life, or if you will stand up for yourself. Screw the bills, divorce him, get the job you want, he'll HAVE to pay half the child care costs PLUS child support. Use that money to pay your student loans.
Read up on "passive aggressive" personality, it will explain why he does these things.
2007-02-20 17:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well to start off think about how your kids are and wat a good job you have done rising them then you can look for a part time job and take a course they usually don't cost much and they are only a few hours a week. and stop thinking of your self like that its not good. you know if you want something good in life you have to plant the seed first. hope I could help more
2007-02-20 17:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by bskylue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to see a counseler or have some sort of better support since your hubby wont help, and thats sad. they're his kids too. you really need to talk to someone soon. and hey, im 26, but i dont have no new bmw. guess im not privliged either. your hubby should help with day care, its only fair. maybe try talking to him and letting him know you want to start working. even if its just part time, thats fair. you didnt make thoes kids by yourself so he needs to be responsible and help pay for things
2007-02-20 17:32:00 · answer #10 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋