she has lived with me for a year now and is eight, how do i love her as much as my 2 year old. i am finding it hard to share the bond
2007-02-20 08:21:00 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
you dont have to love her the same way as you love your 2 year old.
She's a completely different person, and has completely different needs and qualities that make her who she is.
You can't make it a competition, or expect to hold her dear to your heart in the same way as a child who is "from you".
What you CAN do, is love who she is, how she is and what you can help guide her to become. You can appreciate her, bond with her, get to know her, and share a special relationship with her.
You need to remember that there are many levels and types of love, and that they still all equal love in the grand scheme of things.
If you're genuinely worried about this, I would try to maybe spend some one on one time with her, giving her special time with just you. Take her shopping and let her take the lead, or start doing matinée movies for her on the weekends... have a special night at home and kick everyone else out. Things like that.
2007-02-20 08:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by sweetnytmare 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're not expected to love your step daughter as much as your own 2 year old. Where did you get that idea? Bonding isn't automatic or instantaneous. You love your own daughter because you were there through the birth, nursing and diaper stage, not just because she has the label of "daughter." It's going to take a lot of earned trust and shared experiences to form a bond with your step daughter -- and sometimes it just doesn't happen, no matter how hard you try, even with your own natural child.
Go easy on yourself. Marriages and step kids are very stressful. Be patient with yourself. Just treat her with affection, dignity and respect and expect the same in return. If you wind up loving her, too, that's a wonderful bonus. For now, loving her is hubby-to-be's responsibility, not yours.
2007-02-20 08:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand this because my ex had 3 children though my daugther is deceased it was a different bond we all shared..but for some it may take longer but the love u have for ur own will not be the same as the love u carry for a step child even though deep down u love that child unconditionally but as long as u love her/him it shouldn't matter as long as u don't treat that child as if he/she is any different then ur own..its hard because there are somethings that the other parent may not allow strickly because u are not that childs parent but i just recommend that u spend equal amounts of time with all the children and the bonds will grow and stay strong as well as the love that u carry for the child
2007-02-20 08:35:21 · answer #3 · answered by Shawty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is natural that you love your own child more. You have to spend some time alone with her and create a bond between you. Find out what she likes to do, where she likes to go, ask her friends round for supper or a sleepover at the weekend. You have to work harder to create a bond when it is not a natural reaction. Stick at it and it will soon become natural to treat the little girl as your own. How do you think adoptive parents manage? Hard work, show they care and always be there for her.
2007-02-21 03:22:04 · answer #4 · answered by ELIZABETH M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard when they aren't yours. Try and take her out just the two of you every now and then and do something you both enjoy. You may never love her in the same way as your 2 year old, because you didn't give birth to her. But that doesn't mean you two can't share another bond. When my dad got married, i was too old to be my step mom's "second daughter", but i wasn't too old to become her friend. I respected her as a mother, and she respected me for who i was. Just spend one on one time with her, and you will get the bond that is meant for your relationship.
2007-02-20 08:28:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi!
I don't think you will ever love her, never mind love her as much as your 2 year old.
I don't think you'll ever share the bond either, I'm afraid.
This is from experience I had as a step daughter. You ALWAYS know that the step parent doesn't feel anywhere (if any) near the strength of feelings for you as they do for their 'own'.
Step parents simply just 'put up' with their partner's kids for the sake of their relationship.
I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, as you have no control over this.
I'm sorry it's not a really positive response to your question, but I'm just letting you know my point of view.
I wish you the very best of luck!
2007-02-20 08:33:21 · answer #6 · answered by Moofie's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same thing going on in my life.
I just try to be fair.
Try my best not to treat my own better than my step - daughter.
My problem was I was always trying so hard with my step-daughter that I was neglecting my own daughter. I ended up getting really annoyed with that.
Now it's 50/50 all the way.
2007-02-20 08:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Caelia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never love her as much as your own. Do not put pressure on yourself, it is hard... I know! The relationship will develop over time. If you are tense about it or trying too hard you will only get frustrated and angry which is the last thing you need. It will all work out. I have three step children and its been hard but well worth it.
2007-02-21 02:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by monkienutz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think it is possible to share the bond. But maybe with time you can create your own special bond with the 8 year old. Im sure she wont want you to feel the same exact way about her as you do your own.
2007-02-20 08:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by Holly G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be hard for some people to bond with a child that is not their own, but you will in time, just give her a chance as Im sure she loves you. Try and do things with her to get that bond, take her shopping and do the things every little girl likes to do and im sure a bond will soon start, you just have to try
2007-02-20 08:25:50 · answer #10 · answered by crazyicklepwincess 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋