I'm 24 and currently engaged to a 20 year old. He is the most understanding and loving person. I had 2 abusive relationships in high school and was raped 4 years ago. I have been through therapy and according to my shrink I am at a very good place to start thinking about my future with my Fiancee. I, however, find myself freaking out about his 21st birthday, and the bachelor party. (I have trouble with drinking because it can lead to so many things.) Now I find myself having nightmares and loosing my train of thought because I'm afraid he will "do something stupid" or have a stripper there. I know it sounds weird but I can't imagine what I would do if I found out about a stripper. The real trouble is I don't know any of his friends. I have no idea what they are like, if they will respect my wishes or his. I was wondering, am I being illogical...or is it okay to be worried about this stuff?
2007-02-20 07:58:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I feel it is okay for you to be worried about this stuff. I do understand the concerns you have and I would defintely express them to your fiancee. Have a talk with him that you both will respect each other as soon to be husband and wife and refrain from drinking and having strippers at any pre-wedding bashes. My husband and I promised each other we wouldn't do that, and if someone were to surprise us with a stripper, we agreed we would just leave the party to get away from it all. While strippers and drinking are typical at bachelor/bachelorette parties, not everyone is okay with it and that is totally okay. Especially explain to him the difficulty with those circumstances you would have due to your past, he should love and respect you enough to understand those are sensitive areas and to not participate and or ask for no booze and chicks. Don't worry too much about his friends, ask your fiancee if he would let them know he doesn't want that kind of stuff and maybe just stick to a nice guy's night out.
Don't beat yourself up because you may think or people may tell you that you are being illogical or not having any fun, it is your desires and wishes and just because someone doesn't want to be surrounded by, or have their fiancee/husband around alcohol and strippers doesn't make you a prude or anything. My husband and I did it merely out of respect for each other and because we were getting married, we felt that keeping out temptation would make us a stronger couple, plus as you mentioned, it is better to be safe than to have him or you "do something stupid". Good Luck hon, don't fret, talk it over with your hunnie and have a good time at all the pre-wedding celebrations and congrats!
2007-02-20 08:17:14 · answer #1 · answered by maldmb03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to do is talk to him about all your concerns. I had doubts about my engagement with my fiancee...i thought i hadnt dated enough and wanted to take a break....amazingly he was totally understanding about where i was coming from and we talked it all out. His understanding about something that must have been hard for him to hear just made me realize how much i love him. So tell your fiancee what you think but be open to what he says in return. I am sure you can make a plan that both of you can be happy with. You may have to give a little on your end to but you will feel better once you talk it out and see where he is coming from.
And hey you could always see if him and his freinds are down for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Then his freinds would have all your hot friends to hang out with...much better than strippers huh?
2007-02-20 09:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by Courtney C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're that upset about it then you do have valid concerns. I think the biggest concern is you're marrying someone you seem to know nothing about. You've never met his friends? That's a huge red flag to me.
The age thing is irrelevant, I'm getting married in a few weeks and my fiance is 22 and I'm 30. We've been together for almost 3 years, and the thing I've learned is it is a bit different being with someone so young.
I've had to let go on lots of things like strippers, getting loaded and all that good stuff. I think he should do things other 22 year olds do, like go to strippers. He might look at them but he's coming home to me in the end.
I don't want him to look back in 10 years and think he's missed out on things because he's getting married.
Maybe you and your fiance should consider couples counseling before you get married.
it might be worth it in the end.
2007-02-20 08:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by duvalicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised you don't know any of his friends, and you're engaged to him! Sit down and talk to him about your fears. If he is aware of your past, he should be sensitive to your feelings. He's very young, so hopefully he can be mature enough to handle things when it comes to his birthday and the bachelor party. You have to be able to trust him, and if you don't, you should be questioning whether to marry him. Meet some of his friends before his parties rolls around, so you can feel more secure in their decision making. Invite a group of them over and see how they act, party, etc. I hope everything works out for you two, you're both so young. Good luck
2007-02-20 08:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being worried is one thing, obsessing over it is another. Strippers at bachelor parties are fairly common, would it be such a bad thing? Aren't people allowed to let loose once in a while?
2007-02-20 08:05:41 · answer #5 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How are you going to marry someone and not know any of his friends? I think it is a good indication of what kind of person he is by who he hangs out with. Don't you think it's kind of an important thing? What happens when your married? Do you have to stay home when he goes out with "his" friends?
2007-02-20 08:06:25 · answer #6 · answered by KP 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your concerns are valid but the only way you can fix it is by talking to him.
2007-02-20 08:02:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋