How can I make this stop?

Question

I do NOT have a good relationship with my Father. A lot of the times I've had conversations with him he either gets into a fight with me, or gives me a sissy attitude. So What I usually do is just give him the littlest answers I can. Because I don't like talking to him just to start off! I have been doing this for about the past two months.

Since my "atttitude" with my Father has changed, he is VERY suspicious of me. He tries to spy on me. Last night I blew up him and said: "What do you want!". He said he wanted to know what I was hiding. I'm thinking: What would I had from my Dad?

Then I asked why he was suspicious of me and he said: "Well, because you don't really talk to me, and you hang out in your room a lot."

You'll never believe what he thinks I'm doing in my room! He said he thinks I'm doing illegal drugs! Where in the world wold he get that from! I am BIG TIME against drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes! And I definitely am not doing them! What can I do to get my Dad stop!?

When I come to choose the best answer it is going to be hard because their are a lot of REALLY good answers here!

Answer 1

oh I know how you feel! I have a terrible relationship with my father as well. He always wants to know everything and gets upset with me when I don't tell him. I hang out in my room a lot just to avoid him... I really dislike him. I think you should just tell your father to get a grip and stop accusing you for things he knows nothing about. Tell him that if he wants to know what goes on in your life he has to act like a normal person. Or move out fast, that's my plan. Wish you luck!

Answer 2

You'll only have one dad, so having said that...sounds as though he doesn't know how to communicate well w/ you nor do you w/ him so just approach him in calm matter and put into words what you've said in your question..."why are suspicious of me using drugs or doing something else in my room?" Maybe you need your alone time away from him and whomever else in the house...or maybe "dad you get very argumentative w/ me, is there something i can work on so our conversations may not always turn out negatively?"
Bottom line you two need to talk and communicate... if you don't feel talking w/ him will go nowhere, then write how you feel and what needs to happen etc... leave it somewhere he'll be sure to find it and you all won't have the opportunity to argue and he'll really see and hear what it is that bothers you about your relationship. I wish you luck b/c having a dad who is remotely interested in your life is rare these days!

Answer 3

The other perspective:
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"I do NOT have a good relationship with my son. A lot of the times I've had conversations with him he either gets into a fight with me, or clams up completely. I know that because he's a teenager it's tough to get along with him sometimes, but I just want to still be a part of his life.

What really worries me is that lately he's been barely talking to me at all, giving me one or two word answers. He hangs out in his room constantly - it's like he's hiding in there.

I've heard a lot of stuff in the media about how when you're kid changes like this it can be because they've started doing drugs, and I'm worried that might be the problem here. I tried to sort of "check this out" on my own, and my son totally blew up at me. What can I do to be sure, even though he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me anymore, that he's OK and hasn't fallen in to some bad habits or bad friends?"
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The answer for you and your Dad is to communicate enough that he maintains his trust in your choices. If he knows you're making good choices, he'll back you and support you 100%. How lucky you are to have a Dad who gives enough of a d*** to worry about what you're doing and how it's going for you.

Answer 4

Sit down w/ your dad and tell him that your behavior has changed not b/c you are hiding anything but b/c you feel that you two do not communicate well. Tell him that you don't like the fact that your conversations usually end in fights and that you are willing to change your attitude if he makes an effort to communicate w/ you differently. I do think it's significant that you both make an effort to mend your relationship given the fact that he probably won't get off your back and make your life even more miserable if he perceives the continuance of your "attitude" problem.

Answer 5

Hi...as a father myself and as have been somewhat in the same position as a kid a few things you should know and understand about Fathers.....firstly that he loves you very much or wouldn't be concerned and you should let him know that you know that...secondly you should talk to your Dad about what he was like at your age....this could be a big clue as to why he is so suspicious of you especially if he sees himself in you.....it could be a reminder of the things he did and the mistakes he made and his fear you'll do the same.....I found my own Father and my relationship changed after I took pen in hand and wrote him a letter about how I felt about him..how proud I was to be his son, that he had always been a role model for me, and that he had always been my own special hero and how much I loved him.....our relationship changed dramatically and he kept that letter till the day he died.

Answer 6

Do you like your dad? Did you use to love him? Maybe you could try to spend a little bit more time with him. Ask him if he wants to go see a ball game or a movie or something like that. My dad lives far away and although he drives me crazy, I miss him and when he'll die one day, I'll be very sad. Talk to him. Maybe not about yourself and your feelings, start with something you both might like. Good luck!

Answer 7

All you can do is show him by example as you have been. It sounds like he is having difficulty letting go of you. Cat Steven's song 'Cat's in the Cradle' sounds fitting here. Talk to him about this and tell him you really don't want to fight. That you just want to know what's going on with him. Just like he does you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well, if you don't talk to him, he is going to jump to conclusions. Thankfully, the wrong conclusions. You don't have to tell him about every little thing in your life, just give him enough that he'll know you are quite normal. Believe me, this parent-kid relationship stuff is not easy, but don't blow it off. You will come to appreciate him later in life.

Answer 9

Your dad is a dysfunctional father. I think you should stop with the attitude and go back to trying to talk to him.

Answer 10

let your dad know that he raised you better than that and that you thank him for that but lately he has been hard to get along with and to avoid confrontations you just avoid him, and that's the reason you don't talk much and stay in your room. but that you wish things can get back to normal.