I have been with my fella 9 months and we have lived together for 5 months. He will be divorced within the next 2 months (spilt a year ago) and he has 2 daughters who live with us (don't see their mum). I love him and the girls and I want us to be a stable family for them as they have been through so much. He has gone off marriage due to his ex but I really want us to make the commitment together. I came out of an engaged relationship just before meeting him (although I have known him 19 years). I would love to ask him to marry me but I am scared he will say no.
What do I do ?
2007-02-20 05:47:33 · 37 answers · asked by cavviecath 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Why don't you bring the subject up? And you don't need to be married to be a familt, though I know what you mean, I feel so much more secure and save now I'm married.
2007-02-20 05:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong with asking a man to marry you even though it is somewhat less than conventional. However, it sounds like you both need more time to get yourselves together after difficult times. At least wait until about 3 months after his divorce is final. If you are going to be together for the rest of your lives, then nothing is going to change anyway. If he is having doubts about marriage, you need to give him time to work through those and respect his feelings. Take it from someone who waited 3 and a half years for a ring, time only makes it better. When he's ready, you'll know. There is no use rushing him when he is unsure. It will only make him more unsure. He'll respect and love you even more for giving him the emotional support and space he needs at a time like this. Even if it seems right to you right now, and it is wonderful that you love his children so much, waiting until you're sure he'll accept or even ask you to marry him will make the relationship stronger.
2007-02-20 06:00:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as im concerned you already live in a marriage type relationship and apparently youv,e committed yourself to the relationship as though you were married.(You act as his wife and you are mother to his children.)I think if legal marriage is what you wanted from the relationship you should have made sure that was a possibility before committing so much of yourself.but you are where you are so I totaly agree with cheyanne(who had the only answer that made sense) (at the time i read them)the others made it seem as though there were no emotional commitments because you were just living together and I dont think it,s pressuring him to ask for a promise of commitment so you know where you stand or to figure if you can live with an alternative if he doesnt want that kind of commitment--good luck
I just had to come back and comment about how many people were upset about a girl asking a man to marry her ,yet it did,nt seem to phase that many people that you are living with a married man! How goofy is that?
OH! and the truly stupid suggestions about let him be single for a while.They are living together as man and wife ! A piece of paper does,nt make you married or not married it depends on where your emotions and committments are.
2007-02-20 06:18:09 · answer #3 · answered by matowakan58 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him more time, don't frighten him off. With someone 9 months, lived together 5 months isn't long after his heart been broken by someone and just newly divorced. However, he may already be thinking of proposing to you, I wouldn't know. Enjoy the time you are all having now as a family, sounds like it's meant to be but take things east. Both of you have had recent bad relationships and you don't want to make the same mistakes twices.
2007-02-20 05:52:30 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. As sexist and backwards as it seems, the male is supposed to ask the female. That's just how it is. I think you will eventually start to wonder if you pushed him into marrying you if he says yes. If he is commitment phobic, I would have a little chat with him. If he refuses marriage forever, he is not the one for you. You need someone that has similar goals and feelings. He shouldn't have to pop the question right now (It's only been 9 months). But you have a right to know if he ever will and about how long he thinks that may take.
2007-02-20 06:30:09 · answer #5 · answered by FreakyGeeky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it for a while, the relationship is still fairly new, why not enjoy this "first flush of love" stage and worry about getting married later. I only say that as I got engaged and married within 9 months of meeting my ex, and thought I was madly in love with him, but in reality I knew almost nothing about him. From experience I would say that 9 months really is not long enough.
2007-02-20 21:41:04 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well take it from someone who is in your same situation almost. I am living with my boyfriend and have been for 2 months and his divorce will be final in one month. They didn't have any children and I have two. We have all come together as a wonderful family and we have discussed engagement. I waited until one night when we were in bed and I said "Can we talk a second?" of course he said "yeah." And I told him that I wanted to know exactly where we stood in our relationship. And he told me that he loved me and he would marry me one day but he would rather discuss engagement and setting a date after his divorce was final. Which when you think about it sounds right. Its easier for men to start a new task (i.e. a new engagement or marriage) after one is completely out of the way. He could be thinking that it would be wrong to you to ask you to marry him when in fact he is still legally married. I would advise you to wait, or you can discuss it with him as I did with my b/f. But I hope this advice helped you somewhat. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-20 06:28:03 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you move out and gain some independence - really. He should not have been dating at least a year, or longer, after his divorce was final -- and that means taking into account the feelings and situations of his children. He needs some time to decompress and figure out what went wrong in that marriage before getting into another one. You should be leaving him to deal with his girls so he can give them some semblance of normalcy.
2007-02-20 06:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be a good idea to bring the subject up as a suggestion so it wouldn't appaer as though you are pressuring him to propose to you. You've both come out of major relationships not too long ago and i think it's a bit of a rush after just 9 months, wait a little while and see how things go then.
Best of wishes
2007-02-20 06:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by stephanie b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One, I would wait until the divorce is final to say anything to him. And you may want to let things settle down after the divorce is final. Then talk to him about marriage again.....pick his brain about the issue. But I have to commend you on wanting to ask him. I asked my ex husband to marry me and he excepted.....just did not work out in the end. I am def saying, by all means, ask him.....I think thats awesome. Just give it some time and when you do it, do something really special.....Good Luck!!!
2007-02-20 05:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should, both of you need to give your selfs time 9 months isnt a long time your still in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship. Honestly, to me it sounds like you just want to be married. Since you just came out of an engagement. I would give it more time. If your happy now then just leave it like it is, whats the hurry.
2007-02-20 05:54:56 · answer #11 · answered by alex77055 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋