Well im getting married in april and me and my fiance were going to live in a house that my aunt is building behind her house for $450.00 a month. We went and talked to my aunt and told her yes we will live there so she wont rent it out to anybody else. Well now my boyfriend said he wants to live at his parents house but i dont want to. im stressing it ALOT because i want any problems with his parents or siblings. We already talked to his mom and she wants us to live there but i dont want to. What should i do???
2007-02-20 05:40:55 · 25 answers · asked by Happy Mommy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok my boyfriend said it will only be for temp. we will only live ther for 6 months. The parents r fine in health if it were a health issure regrading them i wouldnt think twice i would live there and care for them. We are stable due to financial issues but he is affraid we r not because of my bills.
2007-02-20 06:02:17 · update #1
You and your fiance have to come up with a compromise. Find out why he suddenly changed his mind about moving into the other house. And tell him why you're reluctant to move in with his parents. You want to start fresh once you're married and if you're living with his parents, that won't happen. Good luck!
2007-02-20 05:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Living with his parents - not a good idea. When first starting out a marriage, you need time to adjust to each other. You also want to be the queen of your house, and moving in with his parents will not allow that either. You will always be tripping over them while trying to do your own thing. Find out his objections to moving into the Aunt's extra house. He may have valid reasons for not wanting to live there, as you have valid reasons for not wanting to live with his parents. If you all can't afford to pay rent, maybe you should reconsider getting married. Being financially able to support yourselves it pretty basic when planning a future together. Marriage can be stressful enough without adding financial burdens in the mix. You two need to sit down and figure this out, even if it means not moving into either place and finding a new place all your own.
2007-02-20 05:58:48 · answer #2 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why the sudden change? Are there financial problems you are unaware of? And it's not good for two women to be in the same house unless they both have their own quarters where the woman can run her household the way SHE WANTS.
At one time, families lived together or in close proximity for the survival factor. If the two of you need financial help, or the parents are in ill-health then I might make a concession on this.
Anything else, I raise an eyebrow to. I think your fiance is afraid that you can't make it on your own. If he feels that way, he has no business getting married. And Momma needs to let go.
When said fiance proposed, you became betrothed, just waiting for the legalities by way of a wedding. Your loyalty is now to each other over parents, job, friends, etc.
Before you marry this young man, you need to have a VERY SERIOUS conversation. Otherwise, tell Mom to scoot over.
2007-02-20 05:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You both need to sit down and talk finance. Maybe bring in a 3rd person, (banker or other professional) and clear the air about where you stand with money. Maybe you should put off the wedding for another year, until you get your finances in order.
I agree you that you shouldn't live with his parents. It may be sound advice, financially speaking, but money isn't everything. Do you want them setting rules? It is their house, and you both will be guests, technically. (doesn't matter if you are family) Don't you both want the privacy that all newlyweds should have? At least at your aunt's house, you will have your own place and privacy. Stick to your guns. If he doesn't want to live at your aunts, then go pick someplace else. Good luck to you both.
2007-02-20 06:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Living with his parents is not healthy for a relationship. What is his mothers motivations for you both to live there? This does not sound good. If you are getting married you need your own living quarters, no exceptions. 450 a month is not that bad. If he is marrying you then he should stand up and act like a man or you will be putting up with this for the rest of your marriage. I would really be thinking twice about tying the knot with this guy, he does not sound responsible. Whatever you do, do no move in with his parents.
2007-02-20 05:49:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Trust me 6 months will turn to a year and will turn in two years
You will NEVER get out of there
Stick to your guns. Who wants to live with someones parents. You are grown adults and need a place to call your own and have privacy. That is going to mess up your love life and just one on one time with each other if you stay at his parents
I just dont see it as a good thing IMO
2007-02-20 06:07:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to first find out why he changed his mind. Is it commitment...is it his mom and dad pressuring him...what is it? Until you find that out, it will be hard to lay the blame on just him. Than, I would sit him down and tell him that your wedding is 1 month away and you cannot be living with his family as newleyweds. Coming into a new marriage is hard enough without having other peoples' opinions always on you. Plus, arguing, "being together" and all that isn't easy under his familys' roof. Stand your ground, but also find out what his problem is too. You may be surprised
2007-02-20 06:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by hokeygurl019 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do what you can afford, however, I must warn you that living with the in-laws is not worth it, even if it saves you some money. Two women cannot rule the same house, trust me, it will be hell.
If you can't afford your own dwelling or you are too young to live somewehere else, you don't have any bussiness getting married, sorry, I'm just being honest.
2007-02-20 06:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with living on your own. If you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to move out, pay rent, & live on your own.
Talk to your fiance', let him know you do not want to live with his family. I love my family, but I couldn't imagine sharing a home with them. I hate to be rude, but if he's not mature enough to understand your feelings on this or is unwilling to move out of his parents house, he really shouldn't be getting married. He should wait until he is ready to move out on his own before he starts a family. Getting married is starting a family of your own.
There is nothing wrong with not living with his family & just having healthy boundries with them. That's just being an adult in my book. Express this to your fiance' & see what he has to say. If he refuses to even look at your side of it & demands that you live with his family, I really suggest you reconsidering getting married so soon. Maybe push it back some until you are both mature enough to be responsible on your own and for each other.
Saw that you added details...
What about your bills will change in 6 months? If they are that minor I'm not sure why you can't handle those on your own, without living with his family. If they are large enough to worry him & make him want to live with his family, I really don't see them getting corrected in 6 months. And in 6 months there will be another excuse why there should be another 6 months.
Every newlywed couple would save tons living at home; however, it's just not a good way to start your life together. I'd really stick to my guns out this if I were you.
2007-02-20 05:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by layla983 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
And what did he say when you asked him WHY he does not want to live in the house behind your aunt? If you haven't asked, ask him now.
I would stand your ground and not want to move in with the folks. If you need to move in alone and see if your fiance sees the light and moves in with you.
Edit: OK you say "temporary"... I'd still want to move in to the apt behind your aunt's and not with the folks. I've seen "temporary" turn into a LOT longer than six months or so.
2007-02-20 05:55:37 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋