OKAY!!! I am not a childish teenager so I need ADULT and SERIOUS answers. My finance cheated on me last year. Within the past year we have worked things out and seem to be doing great! He still aplogizes almost everyday for doing it and I DO beleive him. I just think about it almost everyday. Is there something I am doing wrong to not make myself forget this. Does anyone have any advice to help someone like me forget about this and move on with my life because I really am happy and I do forgive him.
2007-02-20 05:38:57 · 33 answers · asked by Sammy G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
People are not being nasty. It is a fact that someone who has had sex out of a relationship are apt to be repeat offenders. 60% of men reported cheating..In relationships which the women forgave him he repeated it within 5 years. Sorry does not mean it will happen to you. Just be careful. I don't know you or him and am not passing judgment.
2007-02-20 05:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by E-Razz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be able to answer specifically about your fiance. Perhaps he will never stray again. That said, he also may be someone that is not naturally monogamous.
With men cheating 60% of the time and women 40%, I don't think it's for the reasons people assume (just sex or for the thrills, etc).
In fact, I assume that, contrary to social opinion, monogamy isn't normal for all people. Unfortunately, society isn't accomodating to those who want to be both honest and are not naturally monogamous. Open relationships are seriously frowned upon.
Most guys or girls don't cheat to get sex. It happens, but not to most people, IMO. Most fall into a relationship unexpectedly and only have two options they see open to them. Leave the new relationship, which is brutally difficult, or cheat. Society has shown them only those two choices.
I am polyamorous. I am very open about my feelings and non-monogamous nature. I always make certain everyone involved is aware and OK before I enter into a relationship (their significant other, if they have one, and my wife). Though sex is a component of these romantic relationships, it's no different than anyone with a girlfriend or wife. They are long term and very loving relationships.
For those who are not monogamous, but not interested in long-term romantic relationships (i.e. sex is the more important aspect) and want to be open and honest with their partner, there is swinging. I"ve never experienced it, so cannot talk about it much.
I've always wondered why people find cheating (breaking the rules) more acceptable than open and honest non-monogamy.
2007-02-20 05:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im married, and my wife cheated on me last year. I know how it feels. First things first.. Postpone the wedding. Cheating is such a trust killer. You will be tieing your lif to this person. Be sure of what you are doing. A year is not a long time. I am still teatering on divorce and it is devistating. If you can still stand the test of a few more years that fantastic, get married. But dont get married just because everything is good now. Take it slow. Once your married and have kids it will get messy. Good luck. I would never wish this kind of thing on anyone. It is very painfull.
2007-02-20 05:47:27 · answer #3 · answered by Lost 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you are expecting this answer.But you did said you have accept his apology.Try to do something Else that take your mind of it.You are doing yourself wrong,just by telling him that you forgive him,but on the other side you think why you,why did he do this to you,he`s suppose to love you,not cheat on you.But i tell you this everyone deserves a second chance,not just a second chance but an acceptable one,so nothing is holding you back girl go for it and do your best to get your mind of it.Show him that you are not angry anymore and that you truly forgive him.Try something out like if that taught come up go for a long walk or swim if that don't work think of the good times you`ve shared together,not bad times.
2007-02-20 06:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by wayne m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were honestly happy, then you wouldn't be thinking about it all the time. When someone cheat's a piece of your trust for them is broken. You will always wonder if they will do it again or not. If I were you, I would have broken it off when I found out what was going on. Due to the simple fact, I wouldn't wanna think about what they did all the time. I really wish I could say more, but unless you can stop thinking about this can you sit there and honestly say your happy, Now that is something to think about.
2007-02-20 05:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by Amber Vance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be apologizing everyday because wen u find out he is cheating again, he thinks u will prob take it better then u did the first time and forgive him. The reason u dont trust or feel confident about what he says, is because deep down and unconsiously u know that he is lieing to u . The reason u try not to believe he is lieing to u because u love him and want to keep things the way they r.
2007-02-20 05:54:54 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Star*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still able to trust him - you need to put the past behind you and move forward. This means that you can't bring it up anymore- during an argument or whenever. There will always be a thought at the back of your head that he is cheating, and there will be future 'triggers' that will bring you back to how you felt the first time he cheated...so it's hard to say you can get past it.
One way would be to see a counselor and talk through it.
You are more courageous than me! I would never be able to trust him again. good luck
2007-02-20 05:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for about 7 months now we got married in August. In March my husbnad (fiance at the time) admited to me that he cheated on me. To add insult to injury this girl was at his house every single day all day right in front of me and i never even was able to do anything about it. He was staying with another guy and they always had people over the house so he would just chalk it up to her being there just to hang out with her friends not that she was there to see him. I had my suspicions and when he finally told me I FLIPPED! After a few days i realized that whole time period was just bad for us and that we needed to start over. Five months later we got married and now everything is slowly but surely getting better.
My husband apologizes every day for what he did and you better believe that i make him remember that he owes me the world for taking him back. Now he's always great and i have no doubt in my mind that he is being totally faithful. He doesn't even dare talk to a female unless i'm ok with it.
Bottom line you have every reason to feel the way you do sweetie. What he did to you was not only wrong but a betrayal. It's untimately up to you whether you take him back or not. Remember that you don't have to necesarily forgive him right away and you certainly don't have to forget about it. Just take it one day at a time and if you ever get the feeling you made a mistake with your decision you can always get out.
Good Luck!
2007-02-20 05:48:15 · answer #8 · answered by ~*~BelAnge~*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater not always a cheater. Only someone who cheats all the time would say this. If he realizes he was wrong and he is still apologizing I would believe him. It's natural for it to be on your mind and it's going to take time, but you'll get through it. Good luck.
2007-02-20 05:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by voodoo man 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a better person that me, because I couldn't get past the cheating. But, realistically you say you DO believe him, but if you still think about it daily, you're really not over it. Your mind isn't letting you forget it, it's protecting you for some reason. But, you probably don't want me to say anymore.
2007-02-20 05:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋