I need help with my relationship?

Question

my boyfriend of a year and a half is a great guy but has done out of the ordinary things in the past that i cant seem to let go. hes bad with the phone and doesnt always pick up my calls , mine and everyone elses, lets just put it this way hes done suspicious things that i have called him out on and i said it looks really weird and he denies hes ever done anything like that cuz he knew what i was thinking, and when i ask him why he did it he has an explanation. then when he speaks i truly believe him and that hes being sincere. i would never be with someone who cheated on me ever. he knows how it feels his ex gf did it to him and we always made a promise since i first met him to break up first beffore anything happens. how do i just let go of the past and continue with our future. btw, hes a very sweet caring guy so nice and sweet that i think he could NEVER ever do tha to to me. he tells me im his dream girl and i know he loves me. how do i stop being paranoid. i really need advic

thanks for the answers but thats the thing. i have talked to him about EVERYTHING i even told him to just be honest i need to know for reasons even concerning my health (stds etc) and he swears on everything and everyone even his dead mother that he hasnt. i need to stop feeling this way and i dont want to break up with him and then be wrong that he never did cheat u know

this is not someone i just strarted dating either so just wanting sex is out of the question. seriously so im disregarding that last answer lol

im not going to type every strange thing he has done but i would LOVE to talk about it so if you can email me or im me that would be great nygirlsrdifferent

Answer 1

a relationship contains trust, its the biggest part- but if u cant trust him now u never will, id say either sit and talk with him about it or break it off. no girl deserves to be treated like that

Answer 2

As the only suspicious thing that you cite above specifically is that he doesn't always pick up the phone, but go on to say yours and everyone else's, he isn't screening you out. Does he usually call the people who call him back later? If so, that it is because he wants time to himself or his passive/agressive way of saying he isn't anyone's trained dog that is going to salivate when the phone rings and pick it up on the callers demand; he wants to feel like he has a choice or some control in the matter and calls people back when it is convenient for him, not just because it is convenient for the caller. It doesn't mean he doesn't like or care care about or even mad at the caller...he just wants to do things on his own terms.

Another key thing you mention above is his "dead mother"...that is going to have a huge impact on the way he relates to women in general, depending on what his relationship was with her, how old was he when she died, how she died and what other females have been in his life. He most likely is not used to having to answer to a woman and having to answer to one now in a relationship is very awkward, and will only amplify the passive agressive behavior of "defying" you when he feels that you are acting more like a female authority figure (mother) than a caring, supportive girlfriend. Your being the least bit angry or upset may make him back away from you temporarily because he really doesn't know how to deal with your emotions.

Now if the above is the driving factor for your feeling insecure, it sounds like you may have some deep seated security and/or self-esteem problems that are totally unrelated to him that are making you think he is cheating. Are your parents divorced and/or did one or the other cheat? Have you been cheated on in the past? Have you ever cheated when you were in a committed relationship? Do you think because your relationship budded while he was committed to another girl that he will do the same to you? Those are questions that you need to think about and look within for answers, discuss with a close friend or family member or even see a therapist short-term to sort through your feelings, why you feel the way you do, and what to do about them.

Answer 3

What you really need to do is to sit down and again think about what is happening between the two of you. Not picking up the phone is not that big of a deal - lots of people (myself included) are not centered around the dang phone. However, if you feel that he is doing something more devious than just not picking up the phone, then I always say go with your gut. Nine times out of ten your gut does not steer you wrong.

Answer 4

Well, what are the thing U think R suspicious?

It all depends. If you can't trust him, break it off. I was with a guy that told me everything I wanted to hear from him. I fell so hard. He told me I was his one and only...yadda yadda...he was cheated on and had his heart broken too. (As told to me by my best freind, since she knows him really well.)It turned out she was wrong and he was messing around on me in the town he was working in. It;s funny, because we shared a lot of mutual friends and they all know him inside and out, they said he would never do that and I was scared that he was foolin' around on me... I had this inkling...and I was right and crushed. It still hurts.

Be careful with people, you never know what they'll turn out like. I hope that he is really sincere for your sake.You never know, maybe he is just a genuine sweetheart.

i just thought I'd give you my experience with things like that.

Answer 5

i think that all boys are the same and all girls are the same whether they realize it or not. All girls play @ sex b cause what they ultimatly want is love and all boys play @ love b cause what they ultimatly want is sex. the reason he tells u he loves u may not b the reason u think its 4. i no u probly dont want 2 hear this but thats the way it goes.

Answer 6

it is a thing called trust...you either trust him or you don't
if you don't trust him it will never work
talk to him and tell him what you have said here and get his take on it
communication is the key to any relationship working out


be cool...

Answer 7

SOUNDS LIKE YOUR GUT FEELING IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. IF YOU THINKS SOMETHING IS GOING ON WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND THEN MOST LIKELY IT IS. TALK TO HIM AND JUST KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. IF HE IS UP SO SOMETHING, IT TILL COME TO LIGHT