My friend has been suffering from a mental illness and has been telling me that when she tells people why she is the way she is...they become dismissive and tell her to get help..she does get help from qualified people...and she feels her friends should be more accepting and supportive...I am about the only one who doesnt shun her so to speak...except her family...what Id like to know is..why do people do this to their friends...it upsets me a great deal to know that her supposed friends suddenly get weird and walk away...opinions appreciated........
2007-02-20 04:42:31 · 10 answers · asked by Buttsmear 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
She aint asking for help from friends...only that when she is feeling better they dont keep her out of things...like she is something to be embarrassed of..I know her and when she says she feels better...she is nothing to be embarrassed of...or when she's ill... a lot of "sane" people act more weirdly then her...it just seems so unjust and unfair...
2007-02-20 05:30:17 · update #1
This is just a guess, but when dealing with people who have mental illness the natural response is to "get help" because most people don't feel qualified to deal with someone like that. It's great that you accept her for the person that she is, and I imagine a lot of people would shy away just because they feel like they don't know what to say to someone like that and they wouldn't know how to react if that person did something "weird" as a result of their illness. There is also a stigma surrounding all mental health issues, so it's always a red flag in the eyes of many people if you say you're seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist. So it appears your friend is caught between two groups of people: one that doesn't know how to deal with her, and another who would prefer not to deal with her, so good on you for standing by her.
2007-02-20 04:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by sarge927 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people really do not understand mental illness. They think the cure for depression is to "just get out of bed and keep busy" (I am quoting one of my family members to another family member who is clinically depressed). Her friends are probably scared and confused and don't know what to say. Remember, on television today 'crazy' people are always dangerous. Mental illness is still something many people are ashamed of. Twenty years ago if a person said they were gay, people reacted badly and were shocked. Now they do the same to people who announce they have a mental illness. (No, I am not saying gay is a mental illness, just that 20 years ago people thought differently than they do now.) When those friends grow up ( they may be 50, but they are not grown up) then they will be supportive. Good for you for being there. Just do your best and hope they learn from your example.
2007-02-20 04:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by mrslititia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they are advising her to get help, that isn't completely dismissive..... but extra support is always helpful. I think most people likely are uncertain about how to handle mental illness, and are afraid that a person might be offended if they show extra concern, so they chose to ignore it, to make the person feel less different. You sounds like a very compassionate and concerned friend, and she is lucky to have you :)
2007-02-20 04:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
True friends do the best they can, many people can not cope with anything that is not usual. Tell her not to worry about their reaction to her there is nothing she can do about that, she needs to concern herself with getting better.People are people some can cope others can't or don't want to that is just the way it is and has always been and I don't think that even she will ever be able to change that. She needs to surround her self with the kind of people who are willing to try to understand and help her.
2007-02-22 20:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this one. Because I have done it before. I (used to) feel that because I am not a "qualified professional", anything I say to them could cause potential damage as opposed to help them, as I had intended.
Think about it this way, if someone comes to you with a medical question involving their physical health, and you are not a health professional, do you feel comfortable giving them advise that could cause them to be in worse shape than they are already in?
I used to think that way, but now I am more confident giving advice to people whom I feel that I know really well, because I do know them really well and that makes me feel comfortable to think that I am in fact qualified to give advice or listen to their problems.
So, basically, only the people who know your friend best (ie: you and maybe a close family member) should be the ones who are going to be able to feel comfortable being her council and not the friends whom she occasionally hangs out with or considers anything less than a really really close friend. I wouldn't even bother trying to be serious with the other friends...they have their place in her life, and it is obviously not her council.
2007-02-20 04:53:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They just don't understand mental illness and aren't trained to deal with it. It can be very stressful for them because they don't know HOW to help their friend. Also, most people do not understand that she is this way not because of her character, but because her brain is not functioning properly. It is a physical thing which affects her mental and emotional issues.
It is best for your friend to talk to a therapist to deal with her mental illness and how to properly deal with it with her friends, so she can have positive interactions with them rather than burden them with something they don't understand.
Kudos for you for being kind and understanding - please try to help your friend focus on the positive parts of life though - it is more beneficial for her mentally. That is partially what a counselor does anyway. Listen to her troubles and be sympathetic, but try to help her reframe her life into something more hopeful...
2007-02-20 04:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by beach 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats why you can choose your friends not your family. They dismiss her because now she is no longer on their level in other words her sickness "gives them the right" to think they are better then her and therefore no longer want to be her friend. Its probably for the best becasue at least now she can see who she can depend on. Thank goodness she did not depend on them for any thing besides the support, she may have gotten screwed.
2007-02-20 04:52:52 · answer #7 · answered by holykrikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are scared of things they dont understand. Well done for standing by her, i know how she is feeling and with support like yours she is more likely to get through this hard time.
2007-02-20 04:50:30 · answer #8 · answered by Emmylou82 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think people mean to be cruel, they just don't know how
to handle mental health problems. If it was a broken leg or arm
well that would be easy, but a broken head - panic!!!!
Just carry on doing what you are doing, she is lucky to have
you for a friend.
2007-02-20 04:56:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the answer to your question, but thought I'd comment on your screen name.
Did you know the name of the UGA Football building is the Butts - Mear, building? Are you THE Butts-Mears who built this building?
2007-02-20 04:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by Amish Rebel 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋