Mother Sleeps With Child?

Question

This is a case of my four year old nephew, who has his own room and bed, but every night, when the child inevitably wakes up, my sister goes in his room and sleeps with him for the rest of the night.

During the day, the child constantly seeks attention from my sister. He even tries to forbid her from talking with others. "You will not talk to mommy," is a frequently heard phrase uttered at relatives and friends, even our mother and father. Another is "Mommy, don't talk," when my sister is talking to someone. He will also sometimes punch my sister if she is not paying enough attention to him. The punishment for this behavior is almost non-existent. Oh yeah, the kid is barely potty-trained at age four.

My sister knows this is a problem but won't deal with it. Her husband will not, either, and he is about to be deployed to Iraq, making the situation worse. They are trying to have another child and I don't want to see this happen again. Any suggestions to straighten them both out?

Answer 1

since mom and dad knows there is a problem, back off and stay out of it. if they want their son to have help, then they will set-up some help for him. as far as the family getting in it-back off and let the parent's do that.

Mom of B & D

Answer 2

Mommy needs to set ground rules. She could try sitting next to home until he falls back to sleep, then leave. Reassure the child mommy will always be there for him even if she is busy, in the other room, or sharing her attention with someone else. I would not recommend having another until he is more secure in himself.

Answer 3

Your sister is probably not correcting these problems because she doesn't want him to cry. She's taking the easy way out but parenting is a very hard job. Shes got to put her foot down and leave him alone at night when he cries and take him back to bed if he gets out. Shes got to discipline him if he punches her (just not physical discipline that will teach him hitting is OK-i recommend timeout) and shes got to teach him interrupting and telling people they cant talk to her is not OK. If she doesn't want to deal with these problems now shes going to have bigger problems on her hands in the future especially with 2 children instead of one !!!

Answer 4

confident, i've got seen pupils with emotional issues through such issues. i does not say it destroys their existence is she's nevertheless a robust mom otherwise, even though it relatively is a risky element. enormously in the event that they're relatively little, little ones many times like the help that they sense while they have 2 mothers and dads who love eachother, or a minimum of do no longer love human beings. playstation - Serene's factor approximately pedophiles is a robust one. i've got heard a number of situations wherein little ones claimed to be abused via their mom's boyfriends (and vice-versa via their father's girlfriends), considering pedophile rapists many times see it as a foot interior the door. the mum (or father) many times loses objectivity while the youngster complains approximately abuse.

Answer 5

As far as the sleeping in the same bed goes, I don't have that big a problem with it, except that I think it's a good idea for kids to learn early to sleep on their own. I do know a lot of perfectly well-adjusted children who slept with their parents well into elementary school even.

On a side note, potty-training can be a sensitive subject. My oldest was 4 1/2 before we could get him fully potty-trained, and in all that time, I heard from his doctors and preschool teachers that the "normal" time these days for boys is anywhere between 3 to 5 years old.

While I don't think those two problems are major issues on their own, when you add everything up, it sounds like your sister is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that her baby is not so much a baby anymore. It sounds as though she gives in to his verbal demands ("Don't talk") in the same attitude mothers of infants respond to their crying babies with.

The mother needs to see her son as old enough to occupy himself at times (she should be able to have a conversation for a few minutes or do something for a short time that does not revolve around him). She also needs to start defending her right to have conversations or do other things. Right now, he rules the roost, and that's not a great dynamic (well, you know that, since you are posting the question).

The thing is, the situation could get SO much worse if she has another baby AND her husband is deployed, since that would mean he'd have to deal with the normal stress a small child would have with these two life changes, AND he'd have to share mommy full-time. If he's not equipped to handle that situation, both he and your sister could lose their minds.

Almost everyone in our family (both sides) has a general understanding of what is allowed with our kids, and we have a general understanding of what is allowed with theirs. It's amazing to watch kids react differently to adults other than their own parents. For my kids, the main thing is that during dinner, they'll keep wanting to get up and run around and come back and eat a few bites, a trick they don't attempt at home. Then my sister turned the tables on them and took their plates away when they got up. They don't get up and run around during dinner when Jessica is around anymore. Similarly, my brother-in-law has a beautiful little 2 1/2 year old daughter, who my husband and I are crazy about. However, the child will throw fits like we've never seen over almost anything, and her parents would stand over her going "What is it? What do you want, baby?" while she's hitting or kicking or just screaming at the top of her lungs. She pulled that funny business with my husband and I ONCE, and we turned around and started playing with Barbies without her. When she tried to play, we told her we'd love for her to, just as soon as she could behave. She still threw fits for other relatives, but that was all it took for her to behave when we were around.

I would suggest you try to find out from your sister how far she's comfortable with you going. If she knows there's a problem, and she's just at a loss for how to fix it, having another "special" adult (aunts, uncles, or grandparents) step in can make a difference. In our family, I spank my kids occasionally, and I know my sisters spank their children occasionally, but we won't spank each others' kids. That's about it, though. When my sisters see my kids do something wrong, they're allowed to issue time-outs or losses of priviledge to my kids, whether I'm there or not. I do the same with their children. Try to tactfully ask your sister if it would bother her if you stepped in and tried to explain to him that his mommy can talk to anyone she wants to.

As far as "seeing this happen again" goes, this first kid is pretty used to being Numero Uno in the family, but a second child will have to share the spotlight for his/her entire childhood. By default, this will probably be LESS of a problem (won't go away completely, but at least she won't be able to give in to every single demand they both make) since the second child will never have had the opportunity to monopolize all of Momma's time, attention and energy.

Answer 6

express your concerns with her. have her son enrolled in a daycare or preschool. this will get him to interact with other children. when he wakes up in the middle of the night, your sister needs to just stay in her own bed. if he comes in the room, she needs to just put him back in his bed and go back to her own. repeating this might be the key to success because he will try it more than once in the night. patience is key to this exercise. hope things get better and good luck.

Answer 7

I suspect it's a modeling issue. Does your sister's husband treat her badly? Does he disrespect her in front of their kid?

Answer 8

If the parents don't do anything to change things the way they are there is nothing you can do.

Answer 9

he is insecure and they don't like to share their mommies at this age, he should be told to be quit when adults are talking and she should correct him for hitting her,

Answer 10

It really isn't any of you business how she chooses to parent. It isn't abuse.