My boyfriend and I have had the perfect relationship for the last 2 yrs. I found out last Sept. that he was texting 2 other girls. He said it was like a mid-life crisis, he wanted to see if he still had it, that the attention gave him an ego boost but he knew he would never pursue it. After a lot of talking, i gave him the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again in any way, shape or form it is over. He used to make me feel safe, confident and loved unconditionally and now I almost feel like I need other people to fulfill that for me because he crushed my ego and I wonder why he had to look outside this relationship and what that whole texting thing did for him, i need to understand to resolve this. In Dec. he proposed in front of his whole family..it was very romantic and sweet. We are engaged now and I love him but this issue still haunts me...I am scared it is still going on, chatting,im ,texting, trading emails. It may not be but if it is..I want to know before the wedding. help?
2007-02-20 04:04:55 · 15 answers · asked by electra4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not that strong. Once the trust is gone I would not be able to get it back. I suppose you could just try trusting him and he must try to upfront and honest about everything and he should understand if you need to question him on things that you would have trusted him with before. Also, you could just hire a private investigator to see what he is up to exactly. But don't tell him about it. That is not the best answer but at least you will know if he is telling the truth. After that all you can do is trust him.
So basically its a choice, you either choose to trust again or choose to walk away.
2007-02-20 04:11:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i first got with my boyfriend three days later I found out that he had not totally broke off a relationship he had with this one girl. He told that he didn't know how to do it cause he didn't want to be mean. He didn't cheat on me, he was just talking to her making her feel like their relationship was still going. After that situation I still forgave, but everytime I see him with another girl i would get really jealous and mad, just because I think about that one girl. Well a year later that jealousy (which was for nothing cause he never cheated on me) killed out relationship. Were trying to work things out now, but I wish i had just let things go from the beginning. So the moral of the story is, after two years I think he deserves your trust. Thats the least you could do for him.
2007-02-20 12:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by tiff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about this. Trust is EARNED and he has betrayed that trust. It's (speaking from experience) to trust again; those doubts will always remain and you need to bring it out in the open and let him know how you feel.
To me it sounds like you should not have accepted that proposal, done in front of the family or not. You two have a lot to work out - and you feeling like you need to look elsewhere to feel safe & confident should have told you something.
Talk to him or leave...in my opinion, those are your choices.
2007-02-20 12:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by Enchanted 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should of found out this info before you agreed to be engaged! If you feel you have doubts, those feelings are not going to change because you are married! They will get worse!
If you both have talked about this and you both agreed to move on, then you need to do so. If you made the choice to forgive him then you need to make the choice not to dwell on it! Since you are still having feelings of doubt you should talk to him again about how you feel!
2007-02-20 12:13:04 · answer #4 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the trust is not for you to find but for him to earn.
as for what he did men can and do sometimes need to know that we are still attractive to the female, im not saying what he did was right or acceptable but is just a floor in men.
if you truly love him and want it to work first talk to him about it, ask what it is he needs and if you feel you can give then try and see what happens.
let him see how you feel and tell him what you need.
in the mean time talk about maybe moving the date back so you can see how it goes.
2007-02-20 12:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by ukshropsguy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about it. Tell him to tell you the truth. Maybe he's just like that, and he didn't think you would take it that seriously. But I think its safe to say that he loves you, since he just proposed to you! If he had something going on with other girls, he wouldn't have asked you to marry him! Trust is something that is really hard to build back up. Only time and experience will help, so just go with the flow.
2007-02-20 12:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by julia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DO NOT TRUST ONE LITTLE 'OUT BREAK OF CRISIS'.
Put it this way. If you go through crisis of food, and your diet is dropped down, then surely another week after months of diet, you will again get out of it, beause you haven't got the 100% will power.
This is with him. If he did first drop, I think he will definely do the second drop, and this time in the toilet. I myself wouldn't want to see it, so would leave another girl so he could break their hearts, and remember me, how I was, how good for him, better than himself.
One day he'll croll on his knees for me, and i won't be there, cose i'll find a better man. This is all written as 'YOU'. not Me.
I don't go after guys who's one eye is popped out to other ****.
I keep only for my ****, and tighter than he wants, so he'll be choked.
2007-02-20 12:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by Spark S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you give him the chance, and if you really love him and you're committed to him u definitely need to be understanding of him. Men aren't the same as women, they tend to go through their mid life crisis and a weird need to have other women, but women normally dont. So just try to help him work through that time, he will see you will forever be supporive of him and don't take it personally! Goodluck!!
2007-02-20 12:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by M&U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Tell him he needs to give you reassurance. If he becomes all defensive, than he's deffinatly still cheating. If he asks you what he can do to make you have more confidence in him, than tell him what it is you need to feel comfortable. If you cant talk to him about your feelings or he's an jerk about you bringing up this subject again. I would run as fast as possible
2007-02-20 12:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jenny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no way you can really know other than to INVESTIGATE!
snatch his phone bill one day when he is sleep or in the shower.
put a key stroke program on his email.
(they have them like the ones that parents get for kids)
As long as you have doubts you can never truly be happy wiht him
2007-02-20 12:08:58 · answer #10 · answered by lisa s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋