terrible 2's already?

Question

My 14 month old daughter has started hitting me when i tell her no. If i pop her hand she hits me back. she gets worse and worse when she doesn't get her way she throws the worst tantrums. She was such a good baby she never cried she was always happy and now she's like a monster. What do i do?

Answer 1

"My 14 month old daughter has started hitting me when i tell her no. If i pop her hand she hits me back"

Wow, your daughter is spoiled and has anger issues. She needs discipline.

I'm sure she's very selfish. At this age, they are. They only care about what they want RIGHT NOW! Be the authoritative figure and PARENT the child. When you mean no, and she hits you, hit her back (which is what you did), but don't do it hard. I think we all have our own way of disciplining our own children, but it's all up to you.

You know your child more than us here. My grandma who babysits for this one 1 year old is a perfect baby because even if he has his flaws, there are things you as a PARENT, or babysitter can do. You know them more so do what you think is right and will solve this tantrum problem.

Answer 2

lolllllllll my girl is the same she looks angleic..but....a little devil....if she hits you dont hit back it defeats the purpose of it,she thinks its a game....its my first reaction is the same thing it worked with her older brother but her OMG a little diva,what works(70% of the time)is after she wacks you one tell her(believe me she will understand)that it is not nice and tell her to be soft and take her hand and make the soft motion on the place she wacked you....do it every time.....I am still in the process she is 2 and a half but with the help of daycare and using the same words they use it is getting better.....
now her tantrums lollll there are a solutions...my girl is funny when she does that but what worked is I whisper in her ear that if she continues to do that she will continue it in her room...... also divert her attention it doesn't always work but it is worth a shot....if you can let her cry it out also that works too....now for store tanturms leave the store...my son did one I told him that if he did not stop we will leave well I did leave....I left a basket full of groceries behind he never did that again,also when I go into a store that I know there is potientail for tantrums tell her that if you plan to buy her something or not by warning her of what will happen it will help.....last thing that helped with my diva is a routine with a routine she knows what will happen next...I am not a person that normally does a routine my older one is like me on that so I had little problems there but her I need it otherwise it is the tanturms believe me I inevertenly tested it and I regreted it......PLEASE DON'T GIVE IN......I beg you it will only make it worse she will throw bigger ones and longer ones in the futur,imagine a 6 year old that does that you will have trouble controling her...ohhhh think of it this way this she is standing up for what she wants,thats great that means in the futur she will not be a doormat and she will break down doors...I understand it is us that are suffering and being tortured but if you keep that in mind it will help you get threw..it helps me daily because she is still doing them(maybe one a day when before a lest 5 times even more)....oh I just hope that they wont be too much of a hand full when they reach the teenage years...lollllll

Answer 3

I feel your pain! I have a 3 1/2 yr girl and 2 yr boy and both started the "terrible 2's" early. The boy is quite strong and a hitter as well. I found that the more he was spanked the more he hit. Now when either of them hit (NO WARNINGS) they loose what ever they were playing with for the rest of the day (put out of reach, but in sight), is removed from the play area and I move them out of line of sight and have them sit on my lap, me having my arms crossed over them and say no hitting, hitting hurts, hitting makes me sad. We sit like this for about 1-2 min with the boy and 2-3 min with the girl (due to age) and then ask if they will hit again. My son sometimes says yes, then I ask if he will be good and I usually get a yes again. He understands the message but does not always know how to answer.

The first few times were a nightmare - screaming, kicking, and struggling. But if I stayed calm and did the same thing over and over, and the hitting is happening less and the timeouts are less stressful (for me).

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would try timeout, and try just squeezing her hand instead of poping it, she may not understand the pop. Also, when she is throwing a tantrum put her in the corner until she stops. Then tell her she is not allowed to act that way. Be cosistent with whatever discipline you choose and she will eventually get the idea. Whatever the situation make sure she knows you are in control not her. She is not to young for this.

Answer 5

Hitting is just showing her aggresive behaviour. Don't hit your daughter. Use a calm voice and tell her that hitting is not nice. Give her time out, she is not too young for that. One minute in a timeout chair. Gives you a little control and lets her know who's boss.
Terrible twos started that early for my son, I thought, well at least by the time he is two he'll be out of it, but he's not. It's just constant challenge after challenge.
She's testing her boundaries and your patience, just be calm and relax. If you raise your voice or smack her hand, she's getting a reaction..not a good one, but a reaction nevertheless.
The best thing for you to do is be calm and give her time out. And get down on the floor and play with her. Chances are that she's acting out to get your attention, so give it to her before she has a chance to behave badly. Try and keep some sort of routine for her day. Playing with certain toys at certain times, and coloring and drawing. She is not too young for crayons, just buy the nontoxic washable variety.
Good luck! Your baby is not a monster, she's just craving your loving attention!

Answer 6

Some kids start the terrible twos early-my sister-in-laws kid was worse at 1 than he was at 2. My daughter is 18 months old and she started throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her own way about 2 months ago. We have a time out chair. When shes being bad we sit her in her chair until she calms down. If she gets out of it we just plop her back into it. We dont allow her to get out until she stops being a brat. It usually takes about 10 minutes. Now when she starts a tantrum, we get down to eye level with her and ask "Do you want to go sit in your chair?" Works 9 times out of 10.

Answer 7

It sounds like it's time to turn her around and get a little of the backside instead of just her hand. You don't have to pop her hard, but you do need to let her know you mean business. After you get that rear-end a couple of times real good, she'll quit that rebelious mess, but it may take a few times to get the point across to her. Don't let her get away with it, or you will have problems later. PS. You can try the time out meathod, but I never had much luck with it. A good old pop on the butt always gets the point across.

Answer 8

its hard when they are that age and still quite dont understand the difference between right and wrong. You need to be firm and let her know shes being naughty. Really she is still a baby and in time will grow out of it, but for now you just have to try and make her understand that she is not allowed to do it, how you choose to punish her is your call, maybe try putting her in her bed or on the lounge without toys or her favourite toy.

Answer 9

She's old enough to try time out. At the minute per age rule, I wouldn't keep her there longer than a minute and a half though. I did this at first when my son started that and was reminded by someone that when you pop their hand, you are only showing them that it's OKAY to hit. I stopped and so did he. Good luck!

Answer 10

First, the terrible two's can happen at any time. It's not like children go from being saints to demons somewhere between 23 to 25 months. My older son really hit his stride when he was about three years old (just in time for baby brother to see what he was doing and for some reason think it was really cool).

With the hand-popping, I do it occasionally, but not as a reaction to a tantrum. I don't think it's evil to do it, I just reserve it for when they're about to do something dangerous or will ruin something (like wanting to play with Grandma's curio cabinet). The naughty corner has worked well for us for behavioral issues (my three-year-old reminds me of Willie Olsen from Little House on the Prairie, the way he would just automatically go to the corner on his own), and we let our kids know early on that everywhere we go, the naughty corner follows us. We'll be at grandparents' homes, or a restaurant, or Wal-mart, or wherever, and when they would act up, we'd tell them "You know, there's a naughty corner here, too" and point to the nearest out-of-the-way corner. Then, if the behavior doesn't improve, we've actually had to enforce the mobile naughty corner, so my kids have had to stand in the corner in the supermarket, or On the Border, or a relatives house. As far as how long they should stay, I've heard either 1 minute per year, or age + 2 (meaning your daughter would be in the corner for 3 1/2 minutes). Talking back FROM the corner, or leaving it before it's time, starts the cycle over again.

One of the hardest things for most parents to do is to truly ignore a tantrum. We either give in because the screaming is driving us up the frikkin wall, or we get on to our kids before ignoring them. Practice your poker face, because that sweet little baby can read you like a book (if she could read a book). Freaking out and THEN trying to ignore the tantrum is ineffective, since you're kind of giving her a taste of attention before snatching it away, plus that way she knows she's getting to you. When she throws a fit, subtly make sure she's not in a place or situation that could be harmful, then shrug, turn your back, and walk away. The fit will get worse from there, but if her tantrums are consistantly met with not getting what she is going for (either getting what she wants, or getting your attention), they'll slow down before too long.

Something that worked well with my younger son was for us (my husband, other son, and/or myself) to be doing something fun that would catch his attention. He was welcome to join us -- WHEN he stopped the fit. That actually stopped him in his tracks most of the time. It wasn't really a reward for stopping the tantrum, it was just more of a distraction and an invitation to join us if he could act like a big boy.

Since tantrums are often triggered by a child not knowing how to communicate what he or she is feeling, getting them calm and trying to get them to use their words to say what they want is probably the best thing you can do. It got to the point where we could tell when Colin was working hard to find words to say what was wrong, instead of throwing a fit, and he was rewarded for his efforts.

Toddlers in general have a real inner struggle between power and control. They want to make their own decisions, or do things by themselves, and a lot of times it's either impractical or impossible for them to do so. Allowing her to make as many of her own decisions as you can might help with the tantrums. With kids that young, usually the best way to do it is to offer two appropriate choices. There was one day in July (we live in Texas) when the temperature got up to around 101 degrees, and Colin wanted to wear a coat for some reason. Letting him make that decision was neither practical nor safe. He did get to choose which one of two short-sleeve shirts he wanted to wear, and getting to make that choice took his mind off the coat thing.

He's also fiercely independant, which is both good and bad. He learns things early because he wants to do them himself, but he also gets frustrated because there are things he either can't or is not allowed to do. One thing that had been a struggle for us was getting him ready. We kept hearing "I do it!" then he'd ask for help, and the moment we touched him, "I DO IT!"... It got to the point where I let him do it for a while, and yeah, he went to daycare in mismatched clothes, or occasionally had his pants or shirt turned around backwards, or his shoes on the wrong feet, but HE did it, and the teachers were all very understanding.