Who should get the bedroom?

Question

When my boyfriend and his wife divorced, she got custody of the kids. She took all of the kids stuff with her. When I met him, all the bedrooms were empty (not even a bed) except his. I have recently moved in and my children were each given a bedroom. His 12 year old son is that he does not get to keep his bedroom. His dad tried to talk to him but the boy is too angry to even try to understand. What is your opinion?

Answer 1

My opionin is that who ever needs it the most gets it, thats just how it goes. If he wants to make that room "his" room then he needs to move in with his dad. It sucks that a child has to face those kinds of choices but no one can change it or make it any more appealing to him. But on the other hand you or your boyfriend should try to give him "his space" for instance at least have a bed there that is his. Hopefully one of your children are boys because that would make it a heck of alot easier, Just go out and get a bunk bed and let him have his own bed. Im sure he just wants to feel as though he has "something" and the other kids arnt getting everything that was his.. So let him cool off and then when he comes back have a bed for him *you can get them cheap* and invest a little bit of time with him to see how you can him ***IMPORTANT YOU AND HIM*** can make his newly shared space comfortable for him. :) Just let him know hes not getting shoved out

Answer 2

I totally can understand why his son is upset. He probably feels as though these new kids have taken over his house and is wondering how long before they take over his dad too. It sounds as though you're trying to justify each of your kids having their own room by blaming the ex wife for taking all the furniture. If the children live with her most of the time, of course their bedroom furniture will go with them. It's theirs.
Why not make the son share a room with one of your children. Or if you have only girls, make them share a room and let the son keep his old room.
My husband had a daughter when we got married (she's now 9), then we had a daughter together (she's 3) and we also had a son whose 1. Before my son was born both girls had their own rooms. When my son came along, we moved my stepdaughter into a bedroom with my daughter and gave my son his own room. This works out wonderfully. My daughter has her own room except for the time my step daughter is here.
Give the son some credit though. He's dealing with a lot. He's had a tough time lately with his parents splitting up and then having to move. He's only 12.

Answer 3

This is a tricky one.
If it was me I think I would be tempted to keep a room especially for the step children. I know it seems a little extreme as they probably only visit occasionally, but at one point the house was their home, and it must be hard to go back and not even have your old room,especially when you are 12!
Sounds like he isn't just angry about the room, but the whole situation, which is understandable, maybe if he had his own room he might visit more, and the relationship with his dad could begin to improve.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 4

His priority should be his kids, and his son probably feels like he's been replaced by new kids. Think of all that kid has had to go through. I know this from experience. Why can't 2 of your kids share a room, so that there is a room for his son. His son should always feel like he's part of the family and has a place. Sleeping out on the couch would make him feel like he's just a guest.

Answer 5

Wow sounds like a difficult situation. I like the idea of him sharing a room, if it is possible. Or if you guys have a basement, maybe you guys can set up a "cool" area for him. Let him decorate it the way he would want. You can buy really nice convertible furniture now a days so that it would blend in nicely. I feel bad for his son and I can understand why you guys didn't anticipate his reaction. Give him sometime and hopefully he will come around. If you put yourself in his shoes you might find a good way to discuss the topic with him.

Answer 6

I can understand why he would be so upset, because in his eyes he is being replaced at his dad's house and he no longer has a place there. In my opnion, I would say that somehow it should be made that he at least gets to share a room with one of your children. Its not really fair to him. My boyfriend has a daughter from a previous marriage and when we do move into together we will be getting a 3 bedroom house. That way his daughter has her own room, my son has his own room, and of course we have a room.

Just because he doesn't live there doesn't mean its not his home too.

Answer 7

I think the kids need to have a bedroom (his) to share, and your kids have a bedroom to share. All kids need stability and its not fair to hae his kids sleeping on the floor or anything like that. Get them beds and have a room set up for them when they come, they need to know they still have a home wen they are at dads house. Thats what we've done with my step kids.

Answer 8

It sounds like there is a LOT more to this situation, than you let on.You did not say how many kids you have or ages (if boys or girls). Can they NOT share a room. You gave NO specifics. So, I am probably making some assumptions.
When you moved in, the father had NO sleeping arrangements set up for his son?
Sounds like you either jumped into a bed that had not yet cooled down. If the father had not yet set up a BED for his son.Or he's too busy.
Why did he NOT set up a room for his son? That would sure make me feel hurt and angry, and UNWANTED!!! And DON'T tell me that he couldn't afford to... because if he couldn't afford it. He has NO RIGHT taking in you and someone Else's kids, when he is NOT taking care of his own.
I can not believe how selfish people can be. Thinking only of their needs, and NOT the needs of their children. Children need TIME to deal with situations like this. It is equivalent to losing a loved one for the, but worse because they have NO ONE to sympathize with them or cry with them because the other parent has replaced that LOVED one. The child DOES NOT NEED A REPLACEMENT GET THIS....
THE BOY STILL LOVES BOTH HIS PARENTS. To the child it's like the parent is having an affair, and YOU are expecting them to accept it.
I know this sounds harsh.... but I have been there trying to raise YOURS, MINE, and OURS.
Think of YOUR children, and how you would expect their father to treat them in this situation. YOU can help. First of all remember the boy is a CHILD and you are supposed to be the ADULT.
PLEASE... talk to the father and make sure he provides for HIS son, that HE created. He CAN NOT just push the boys needs aside. REALIZE the boy is going to have a LOT of issues with the situation, and is going to be sensitive, and will test you, and his dad.
PLEASE get some counseling for the ENTIRE family. It is NOT EASY to blend families (like the Brady's wanted us to think). It was the hardest thing I EVER did. and I think you will be a "MIXED" family for a long time. We have 6 kids, and one of his children NEVER did come around. But we offered ALL the children the same LOVE.
You have to sometimes PRETEND that you feel love when you don't. AND you have to make sure you GUARD your words.
Make sure you and your boyfriend DO NOT say things IN FRONT of the kids. Take it OUTSIDE!!! The two of you have to agree on how to handle the situations first. AND then go to the kids as ONE. AND you need to CONSTANTLY be reassuring to the boy that you love him.
I personally do NOT believe in living with someone outside of marriage, because I am a Christian, and that is my beliefs. But that's what's right for me. You have the right to to your own beliefs, and therefore YOU are not under the same law as I hold myself to, so I am NOT judging you, but trying to give you usable tools. You also did not say where you are from, but there are MANY FREE programs in many states if money is an issue... SEARCH THE INTERNET.
Good luck, hun... Strap on your seat belt cuz YOU are in for a RIDE!!!

Answer 9

You shouldn't be shacking up if you have kids. You're setting a crappy example for them, and actually putting them in danger. What if your boyfriend's 12 year old son decides to take all this anger (anger that he has every right to feel, by the way, you're basically invading his home) out on one of your children?

Do everyone a favor and wait until your youngest child is 18 to date. It's better for EVERYONE. Your kids should be your priority right now.

Answer 10

honestly that sucks. the 12 year old feels hurt, left out.
my aunt just divorced her husband and moved and her ex moved someone in and she has 2 kids.. i dont know what they are going to do but honestly.. i would be pist too.
how many kids do you have? is his son older ?
maybe he should have kept 1 room for his kids .. but honestly..
maybe your boys/his boys share a room and his girls/your girls share a room? (like the brady bunch)
where did his son sleepwhen he did come over? he probably wont want to come over anymore, what did his ex wife say? maybe you should all talk about it .