In-laws always coming over.......?

Question

It's a typical complaint, I know. But we moved 100 miles away to give us a nice buffer zone from our parents and yet, my husband's parents come over at least once a week! Half the time they don't even call before. Sometimes bringing over other family members without telling us. I would understand if we lived in the same city but there's no excuse for a 100 mile difference. They are driving me absolutely mad. How can we tell them that we need some space?

We don't have any children, so it's not like they are coming to see their grandkids (although I can only imagine how the visits will increase when we do) and we are newlyweds so I think it's acceptable to want some time for ourselves.

Answer 1

I would say it's easiest to have your husband talk to them. If that doesn't work, pack an overnight bag and put it next to the door. Then next time they just "pop in" point to the bag and say you two have romantic reservations and are just on your way out. Gush over how if they had called first you could have warned them and then grab the bag and the two of you go. It doesn't matter if you end up at a motel 6 or the Hyatt, just get out and spend some time together while driving home the point.

Answer 2

I totally agree with you, especially since you're newlyweds. I think the best way to gain your privacy is tell them that this week you and your husband want to spend time along with each other, therefore, please don't come over, and then tell them when is the perfect day and time to visit.

Once you have verbally inform them, support it with a written letter as a reminder, but include that for now on to call before coming over and let you know will be accompanying them. Place a copy of two months in the envelope and mark the days they can come and visit! Make sure that each family member receives the same letter.

Perhaps this will help you and your husband to control their rudely or untimely visits. Good luck.

God Bless

Answer 3

You answered it yourself..... Mom, Dad we need some space. and please give us the courtesy of a phone call prior to a visit to assure we have no other plans and are available to visit.....that's providing you can talk to them...otherwise , every time they show up unexpected grab your coats and head out the door saying you have some plans, sorry , wish we could have visited longer , maybe next time if you call it won't be a wasted drive....they will eventually get the hint....by the way none of this is rude , obviously the family loves you guys and enjoys spending time with you maybe you could even set up a schedule to keep regular visits , just with a bit more time in between. Try not to hurt their feelings , but it is your life so speak up.

Answer 4

Yeah, I agree that it would be best that your husband tell his family. If it were your family, you would be the one to speak to them. Just make sure you and your husband see the situation the same way and just have him sit down on the phone with his parents and tell them as kindly as possible that you would appreciate that they call before dropping in. What if you were gone or had plans that they'd make you late to? What if your house is a mess and you want time to pick up? You certainly need to draw the line (and I don't mean it harshly) now, before grand kids. It's just common curtousy to call before dropping by anyone's home, even family. Especially if they plan on bringing guests. Best of luck!

Answer 5

This is a hard one - someone needs to cut the apron strings and that would be your husband... this is not your problem to deal with. You need to voice your concerns to him and let him take care of it with HIS parents. You would want to do the same if it were your parents doing this. This will be your first major conflict of married life.... if it does not work - look for another job around 500 miles away from them.

Answer 6

what do u do when they are there?? Do you play hostess and feed them, be nice etc..on those un announced visits?? I guess I wouldnt be so nice..i would nt be rude..but start being a bit more forward..or maybe just not answering the door..how does your husband feel about these visits?? My in laws used to do that some also..we started not answering the door and when they would show up..i would go to bed etc..or even go to the bedroom and read until they left..it may feel a bit rude..but what they are doing is rude also..total violation..good luck.

Answer 7

You should tell your husband to pass the info along to his parents that you folks want some time to yourselves right now & when they do come visit, they should call first just in case you have plans or whatever. It's best to just deal with it maturely, let your husband tell them with the hopes that they won't take it personal or make drama out of it.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

it is a dilemma faced by many newlyweds. if your husband can't bring himself to talk to them, and in his defense i know it's difficult to have to say something to ones parents and risk hurting their feelings, then you may have to talk to them yourself.i would try speaking to his dad rather than his mom. mom's tend to be more defensive. diplomacy and respect are a must. after all, this is their son. dad's sometimes just seem to "get it" easier than moms. explain to him, nicely, just what you said here. you need space to start your new life with you new husband. the first year of marriage can be tough even without the added distraction of in-laws. either set. best of luck to you.

Answer 9

What does your husband think? Maybe you all should sit down and talk. Let the inlaws know you need warning when there comeing over and that sometimes it won't be the right time to come over.

Answer 10

It is your husband's place to tell them this. He should say-we're newleyweds, and we would really like some private time for ourselves--no offense to you and dad, but we really don't like you guys just popping in without calling-what if we're out for the day or what if we've made our own plans?

I'm sorry, that's just totally rude of them.