I am a stay at home mom. I take care of everything the only thing that my husband does is work out side the home I take care of every thing else including my son is who is 7 months old. My husband works all day and then when he comes home he doesn't help at all with our son. In the 7 months that he has been here he has changed 5 dipers and feed him 2 times. He never wants to hold him or play with him. He acts like I am asking for the world when I ask him to hold him for just a min. I do every thing for my son. I get up with him in the middle of the night, change him, feed him. give baths and so on. Am I wrong to feel this way since my husband does work and I just stay at home with my son. If I'm not wrong what should or could I do to change this?
2007-02-20 03:23:00 · 22 answers · asked by Rhonda B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I am a stay at home mom and I'M ALL with youl!
My husband was the same way, he had never changed one diaper, and because I nursed, never fed our son. Its taken a LOT of time to get him used to our son, and in turn our son used to him, which is pretty sad, so start now and set him straight.
Firsts off you are not wrong to expect him to do that, he is a parent, it is his responsability too. What if something happened to you and he was a single dad? He would have someone to care for the kid in the day maybe but when he came home at night he'd still have to be dad. Thats the truth no matter what your circumstance, when he is not at work he still has to be DAD.
It is important for a dad to do things with their child and help out. First it is bonding time, even changing a diaper a child gets to see his face, hear his voice and get to know him. Playing is especially important for bonding. Even your pediatrician will tell him its important. If he wants to have a good relationship with his son in the furture he needs to start now. Dead beat dads CAN live at home and it sounds like your husband.
Second of all just because you stay at home doesn't mean you don't work. You are on the job 24/7. he only works 40 hours a week, you work WAY more then that, so don't let the pay check get in the way of this. Your son is very important and so both your jobs are important. Don't insult his work because both of you play an important role, but he needs to understand you do too.
Third of all it will reduce your stress and make you a better mom if he can help out and give you a break once in a while. Lots of dads do it, he can too!
I will tell you if he is regularly a good husband and good guy then this problem is not so much because he doesn't like kids or is too lazy but because he's scared. Mother read up on parenting, have natural mothering instincts, and a very close bond to their baby form the day it is born...fathers generally do not. And when they are handed a screaming bundle of joy they freak out. They freak out even more then mothers do. Thye don't want to do something wrong, they don't want to hurt the child, and they just know you are good at keeping your baby happy so he wants you to do it.
The key is to help him along the way. Fisrst start with small things. Sit next to him while he feeds the baby, or ask him to watch your child for small periods while you shower or do laundry. If you are doing something like that he will be more willing. Increase the responsibilities slowly over time as he becomes more comfortable.
The hardest thing to do, and to keep in mind though is, just like you had to learn your baby, trial and error, to find out how to comfort him best, so will your husband. Its so hard to do but don't tell your husband he is doing something the wrong way, or correct him unless its a serious matter or he asks!!!!!
If you keep telling him "oh do this, don't do that" when he makes an effort he will just stop trying to make that effort. He will only learn to take care of the baby if he is given the chance so walk away and try to ignore his small blunders so he can figure it out!
2007-02-20 03:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by slawsayssss 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Remind your ignorant husband that being a mother is a 24 hour a day job. He is gone maybe 10 hours. Tell him, that if he doesn't want to participate in caring for your son, he can pay you for each hour you are caring for him. Your husband may think it's ridiculous to say that, but he needs to understand that being a mother is your "job", and you should be compensated as well. If he thinks you are the nanny, then he should be paying you. Plenty of nannies get room and board and salary and car for caring for children. Why shouldn't YOU? He can't just be the sperm donor, and the breadwinner. Explain to him how it makes you feel less of a person when he pushes all of the parenting on you. Your son needs a male role model in his life. A man that will participate in the day to day activities with your son. If he realizes that he is treating you like a nanny, maybe he will understand that your job never ends, and his does. He needs to come home and at least help with the diaper duty, and feeding. It wouldn't hurt for him to fit some playtime in there too. I mean, what does he do all evening when he gets home, while you are caring for your son? Does he just sit around? He either needs to "get it", or get out. I would not be able to tolerate behavior like that at all. That's why I'm now a single parent. I know how it feels. My ex-husband had no idea how hard it was to be a full-time mother until I was ill one day, and he had to do all of the parenting. He had to cook, clean, change diapers, etc. He ended up handing our 3 month old son to me, saying he couldn't take it anymore. He needed a break. I told him no way! I NEVER get a break. He "got it", but I still left him. Just because he makes money, does not make him more valueable. You are doing the most important thing for your son. Without love and care, your baby could not survive. Leave your son with our husband for a day, and tell him the house needs to be clean, and dinner ready, and he will "get it". Good luck to you!
2007-02-20 03:42:20 · answer #2 · answered by Caelan's mom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong to ask for help. Parenting requires both parents. You work all day by taking care of your son, and you all should share in the caring of your son when your husband gets home. Your son doesn't clock out at 5:00 like your husband does. He needs to understand that being a stay-at-home mom doesn't mean you have to work 24 hours a day and he also has a responsibility for changing diapers, feeding and caring for your son! Good luck!
2007-02-20 03:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right on for wanting help. I agree with the other posters when they said that you should bring it up.
I am a stay at home mom of an 11 month old boy. My husband also works all day. He has helped from the beginning because he says that he would not miss the time he spends with our son... even diapers...
Sometimes men have the mindset of when they come home from work that they have done their jobs, and they should get the chance to rest...
Some times it's more about how they were raised and also cultural attitudes. Maybe their dads weren't around that much or they weren't involved at all....
You have the every right to bring this up, and if needed take him to counseling.
2007-02-20 05:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by trinaisfree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable that you do everything in the home because your husband is out working all day, but he should do something with the baby. It is his son and in a year when your son is running and jumping and playing and your husband decides that he’s ready to be a father because your child is more fun, your child won’t know his own father.
Your husband doesn’t actually have to do anything that is like work. You can tell him to read him a story or to give him a bath at night – something so that your husband doesn’t end up not knowing his own child.
Or, you could make plans to do something with a friend for a couple hours in the evening and leave the baby with his father.
Maybe make plans for your husband to take the baby to his parents place. Then his mom can take over for him, but it gives you a break and helps him not freak out about taking baby out.
I know what you are feeling because my children are now almost 4 and 2 ½ and daddy doesn’t really know them that well. Every time I ask hubby to do something with them or for them he’ll complain or make an exasperated noise which totally makes me not want to ask him. He does do some stuff (like read our son a bedtime story), but usually I feel like I’m totally ruining his night if I ask him to do anything.
Good luck – I know it sucks. Just remember that you’re not doing it for you, you’re doing it so that your son doesn’t grow up not knowing his father.
2007-02-20 04:03:14 · answer #5 · answered by babypocket2005 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is completely not ok to tell a bridesmaid she can no longer be in the wedding just because she is pregnant, however they clearly have already done the damage and I understand you pregnant daughter not wanting to go at all. I don't know how you have treated your son and his fiance for having a child before marriage but honestly in this day and age that is almost the normal thing to do now. Iam old fashioned and am waiting as well but a lot of people do have children before marriage its just a common thing so that has to be something you get over. your pregnant daughter should do what feels right for her and hopefully still be able to have a good friendship with her brother. iam lucky enough that neither of our parents are butting in without being asked but if i were you i would try to back off a little and just let them do their thing, trying to force their decision will only cause more issues and it sounds like you are trying to avoid that. Good Luck
2016-05-23 22:41:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong. You both are his parents and yes he does work all day but you do take care of your son all day. He needs to be there more as a father for his child. Even if he doesn't change him or do all those things he at least should play with him and carry him. My husband works on jet engines with the military at at times his shifts go from 6pm to 6am and he still finds time in between work and sleep to give our son some attention.
2007-02-20 03:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why should your husband have a 40 hour per week job while you have a round-the-clock job? That's not fair. He's being lazy and selfish - and what's worse is that your son will grow up to believe that he has the right to be selfish when it comes to how he treats women. I can't imagine why a father would not want to play with his son, bath him, feed him, and otherwise spend every waking moment with him. You are certainly right, but changing a man is hard. You will have to give him the ultimatum to either pull his share or lose both his wife and child.
2007-02-20 03:39:41 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Lucky♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every mother needs a break. If your husband is not willing to help you out with raising your son, you can ask your parents or his parents to watch the child while you have a girl's night out. I have a 2 year old daughter and I am by myself. Every other weekend I send her to her great grandmother's house for a few hours. Once your husband realizes that you need help and start asking others to help you maybe he will get the picture.
2007-02-20 04:28:36 · answer #9 · answered by Brandi S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely bring up the subject with your husband. But instead of listing how many times he's changed and fed him during the past 7 months, let him know how it made you feel when he did help. Maybe he needs to know that you need him to help. There isn't a real easy way to go about it. I don't think you're wrong for wanting help. It takes two to tango and all you're asking is for a helping hand now and then. Hopefully your husband will feel good that you want him to help.
2007-02-20 03:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by socmum16 ♪ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋