i am scared my son will be molested?

Question

my 3 year old is very smart and he is a only child i worry about leaving him with any body because i have been molested before i teach him to tell and not to let anyone touch him but i tend to worry so much about and slander him with questions i am afraid i may push him away

Answer 1

I have a thing about that concern too, so don't feel like you are out of place on that one. You are only deeply concerned for the welfare and safety of your very young child, and you are being cautious, so, c'mon, slow down, it will be okay only as long as you know who your child is around, and what he is up against, you sound like a very good guardian, and a wonderful caring mother. Now, here, hopefully is a thought of encouragement: I have never been molested, and sadly, I feel for those who have. I have been in prison more than once. Why do I even bring that up? Because if there is one thing that will get a child molester killed (literally) in prison is going into the main line if he is willing to take that chance of going up such incredible odds. People, the vast majority hate child molesters and, prisoners hate them even more because whatever it is, a child molester in prison out in the open is a killing season for him and, I am strictly non-violent, and if it sounds as if I'm a violent person, no, I'm not, it is just what I have seen in prison more than once, (I was in prison for terrorist threat and I served 8yrs, and 3months straight in case you wonder what I was doing in prison, I told a man so he says that I was going to kill him) the child molester gets a punishment without the judge or D.A. Because when a child molester goes into prison without protective custody, lo and behold, he places himself in a precarious position because if there are two things a prisoner hates is a snitch and a child molester and a child molester will get killed quicker than a snitch. So, in your case, if I could I would be your childs body guard and you wouldn't have to worry about expenses because for a child of that age, 3 yrs. old, that child deserves the best of quality protection, but rest assurred, only if you keep his whereabouts within your focus of your schedule, you needn't worry that much, you seem to be on it and, I think your child being as bright as he is (thanks to you) there should be no problem. Good luck though I don't think you need it because I believe God is with you.

Answer 2

If there's any way you could seek some counselling to help you to deal with what happened to you and how it feels to you now that you have a child, it would be good for both of you. It would help you to develop a way to explain things to your son and to find a way to trust people who are trustworthy to look after him. As your son gets to the age that you were when you were molested, it'll likely become even more difficult for you to feel like you can protect him. A lot of people who were dealing well with childhood molestation have to start from scratch when they have their own children. Some sessions for you now to validate what you're feeling and to help you to deal with it could turn out to be a very positive thing :)

That said, this is a worry even for parents who haven't been molested. There are many things that are around now that can help you to feel a bit better about who you leave your child with. Daycares are available that have mommycams which let you look in from your computer to see how your son is doing. There are also the hidden teddy cams that are cheap and easy to use now. (I've never used one but know someone who installed it for a few weeks and found out her babysitter was better than Mary Poppins... it made her feel horrible for peeking but it made her feel wonderful that her daughter was being so well cared for)

Answer 3

I understand your fears, I too was abused as a child and constantly feared for the safety of my two children as they grew up. The sad fact is there are many many perverts out there just seeking an opportunity to molest or abuse someone.
You have to try really hard not to let it overwhelm you. It is good that you have prepared your son to be wary of the wrong kind of interest from certain ones. Keep doing that. Don't over burden him though. Just casually ask regarding his time away from you. Slip questions in between chatting and asking about other things. That's what I used to do, so as not to frighten them and they would aswer in the same way as they would about anything else in their day.

Answer 4

You're wise to be cautious, but over-sheltering can be a problem, too. Kids need interaction, and they learn from other kids what is appropriate and acceptable. He needs to have friends of his own, so that he doesn't feel like he needs to "do whatever an adult asks him to do" to keep that adult as a friend.

Of course, it's up to you to screen who keeps him, and steer towards family situations, avoid lone male babysitters, or ladies with new or unknown men in the house. Making it a point to drop in unexpectedly on the babysitter is a good way to discourage any unwanted behavior, too.

You probably know the child molestor signs, like lots of photos of kids, toys and games for kids, etc., when no kids live there.

You'd be doing him a favor to get a good man into his life, too. Not only for proper modeling of male behavior, but also because boys need to grow up knowing how to be "brave" and "tough", and deal with interactions with others in appropriate ways. Men let their sons do things that scare the mothers, and that's life. That's another way they grow up sending out signals of strength, instead of weakness and vulnerability that child molestors like.

Obviously, that presents the same problem you mention above, so look to trusted sources, and consider being part of that interaction, for safety.

Answer 5

This is a tough issue because while you have a point, it can be pushed to the point of being overprotective. Then he will have insecurities of not having to learn social cues like saying 'NO'. You should balance your negative experience with reality in that you need to leave him from time to time to do things without him. It's better for him and you. Get to know your sitters. Listen to your instincts. Read his behaviors toward people. That's about the best you can do.

Answer 6

Do not leave him with any one you do not trust. You can not be to careful. I have found from life experience you can not let your guard down with any one when it comes to the safety of your child. It is good to tell your children that no one has the right to touch them without their permission. Tell them also, it is good to tell you if anyone scares them, touches them or tries to touch them. At three they can understand that. I understand you do not want to scare your child but I think they understand you want to protect them. If you warn them there are bad people who might try to touch them in a way they should not, if it happens they are more likely to tell you.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you may need to talk to someone about your fears. It's good to worry about your child, but just because it happened to you (and I'm sorry for that), it doesn't mean it will happen to him. By talking to him and telling him the good touch bad touch thing, you are doing your job there.

Answer 8

You may make him paranoid. Its good to teach hi, however, I'd just be careful about instilling irrational fears, or fears that are much more than normal....If you feel you are being a little to worrisome then you probably are, so maybe take it down just a hair.

Answer 9

Even though your son is smart he is only 3. Don't burden him with your fears...he's just a baby. You also have to learn to trust people.

Answer 10

You need to deal you your trauma, before you can help you child.