And try to keep it clean, please. Best one gets 11 points from me before the day is through.
ready...set...GO......
2007-02-20 02:47:24 · 9 answers · asked by F-1 says KISS IT! 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
m m...You (could) get 11 points from me if I give you Best answer and a thumbs up. Sorry your snide comments just cost you those. I only asked for a good laugh, not snotty remarks!!!
2007-02-20 03:06:35 · update #1
CIA Test
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill her!!!".
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the e same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
If you want some more, click on my 360... my blog has a couple that you might enjoy, some are PG13 but none are X rated, have a great day!
2007-02-20 03:32:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
2007-02-20 11:03:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with stress:
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"
I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
2007-02-20 10:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by Curiously 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught
a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed
him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.
2007-02-20 12:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ivy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As u like clean joke. Here it goes:
1. Sad Johnny
The first day of school was going good for the new teacher and in an attempt to "break the ice" with the little second graders, she began to ask each student what their fathers did for a living.
"Mary, what does your father do?" asked the teacher.
Mary replied, "My dad is a mailman".
"That's great Mary. Every town needs a mailman to deliver the mail," said the teacher.
"Nancy, what does your father do? asked the teacher again.
"Oh, he is a mechanic", replied Nancy.
"That is really great Nancy we need mechanics like your father to keep our cars running," said the teacher.
Looking in the back of the room she spotted a rather sad looking Johnny. "And, Johnny, what does your daddy do?" asked the teacher.
"W-well, my daddy died last summer", said Johnny in a broken voice.
The teacher really felt bad and wondered how she could get herself out of this one. "Well, I'm ah, really, um, am sorry to hear about your daddy Johnny," stammered the teacher. "What did your daddy do before he died?" she asked.
Johnny calmly replied, "Well, he turned blue, then he **** in his pants."
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Very good!
U r intelligent
Tomorrow we will learn A.B.C....
3. Golden Urinals
A man came home VERY late, drunk as a skunk, to find his wife waiting for him at the door. "Where have you been?" she screams. "It's 4 in the morning!"
He says, "Aww, I just stopped at this bar, I was only going to have one drink...but this bar, it was incredible. Everything in it was gold-plated. They had a gold rail under the bar, gold ashtrays, they served the drinks in gold shot glasses, the table posts were all gold-plated, even the mirror behind the bar was gold. The cash register was gold. I was so amazed by all this gold, I just kept ordering drinks, and so I could stay in the bar and look at it. Hell, even when I went to the Men's Room to take a leak, they had gold-plated urinals...man, I want to tell you, it was wonderful."
"I don't believe that story for one goddamn minute," his wife said. "What was this place called?"
"Hell," he replies, "I can't remember...I got too drunk, and I forgot."
"You're gonna have to prove it to me tomorrow when you sober up, or I'm going to divorce you!" she said.
The next day, the man looks through the Yellow Pages under "BARS", but none of the names ring a bell. He decides that he'll call all the bars listed, and ask the bartenders about the decor in their establishments. He's called about 50 bars so far, and still no luck. Finally, he calls one bar, asks his question, and the bartender says that, yes, they are the bar with all the gold-plated stuff.
"Here," the man says, handing the phone to his wife. "Ask this bartender if I'm lying!"
The wife gets on the line, and begins to ask the bartender about all the things her husband had told her about on the previous night...the rail, the shot glasses, the mirrors, the table posts, the cash register, etc. etc. Finally, she says, "Now, this may seem like a strange question, but my husband says you even have gold-plated urinals...do you?"
The bartender puts the phone down on the bar, and she hears him yell, "Hey Mike!! I think I know who pissed in your saxophone..."
3.6)Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you........... Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR
2007-02-20 11:11:12 · answer #5 · answered by || SMI || 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
~A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "how did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom.
~If you are going to try and start cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
~There are three kids sitting outside a principal's office. The first girl says "I'm here because I said the "S-h word". The second boy says "I'm here because I said the "F" word". The third kid is sitting there all crunched up and says "I'm here because I said "Christmas".
2007-02-20 10:59:38 · answer #6 · answered by Emma Chica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A butcher is on a diet and is 5' 10", what does he weigh?
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MEAT!!!
How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb? Five, One to change the light bulb and four to sing about how much they miss the old one!
2007-02-20 10:53:56 · answer #7 · answered by kellring 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How can u get 11 pts.? i thought it was 10. I aggree look in a mirror
2007-02-20 10:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by it's me 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
look in the mirror
2007-02-20 10:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by cjordan23 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋