is this depression?

Question

My aunt's fiance died about 5 years ago. Since then she won't clean her house, (it's pretty disgusting), does almost everything on impulse, can't stand to be around loud noises or children, is extremely judgmental and can't seem to see why some people don't like to be around this. She's also going through menopause. Is this just laziness and her true colors coming out or is a form of depression. She makes her son do everything for her and is now obese and getting a gastric bypass because she thinks it's the easy way out. I'm not sure how to help her see what's really going on. She seems to be clueless about what her life is really like. She favors her daughter and worships her while she treats her son like a slave.

Answer 1

natural events are cyclical
always changing from one extreme to the other

imagine a bow and arrow
as the archer draws the bow
the two tips of the bow
which were far apart
come closer together
the narrow space between string and wood becomes wide
the bow string
which was at rest
becomes taut

when the archer release the arrow
once again the process reverses itself
as the tension relaxes

that is the way of nature
to relax what is tense
to fill what is empty
to reduce what is overflowing

but a society based on materialism and the conquest of nature works to overcome these cycles. if some is good, more must be better, and an absolute glut seems best. at the same time, those who have little get even less.

your aunt needs to follow the natural order of events and not take the consumer society for a model.

she needs to serve others and be generous, she knows abundance.
she needs to be selfless and allow those around her to realize themselves.

you on the other hand can not afford to be a disinterested faciliatator, unconcerned with praising your aunt, you must be potent and successfull with your relationship with her.

your behaviour will work to her benefit and those around her because your behaviour is based on an understanding of opposites and cycles.


effectivfe behaviour only seems backwareds.


(you asked the question: is this depression? and offered examples of your aunts behaviour. to stick a label on your aunt?

that is the way with nature: to relax what is tense, to fill what is empty, to reduce what is overflowing.

i would call it simply: CYCLES)

Answer 2

This does sound like it could be a cousin to some type of depression... However, her real personality disorder is exacerbated by the fact that she has people around her who are enabling her. The fact that her son "does everything for her" is child abuse (no matter what age the child) and is harming his life and future. If he is a grown person and is willing to do everything for her, he is as sick as she is, and also needs help.

If others who care about her see the situation the same way you do, perhaps you'd be willing to do an intervention. It doesn't have to be a big hairy deal, just people who care enough about her to "speak the truth in love." If she is too harsh and judgemental, perhaps people would be (3 or more) willing to write her letters which confront in an honest yet loving way, (ONLY) what they personally have experienced with her. And have all of them be encouraging of her to seek professional help.

If you care enough, maybe you could even include the name of a counselor/therapist/minister who would be willing to see her, and what his fees are, whether it's covered by insurance, etc. Do the work for her.

You might then state, if she is unwilling to do this, you will continue to love her, but that you really felt a need to help her see how her behavior was affecting those around her. Let her know that "if you truly could see it the way I do, Aunt Marge, I know there's no way you would want to be perceived this way. It is very painful, and I am writing this to you only because I do care, and because I know that there is help available to you."
Good luck

Answer 3

Sounds like depression mixed in with a few other problems. If she is having a gastric bypass done I am sure the doctor has checked her over completely and if he felt the need for depression help, maybe she does not want to accept that. One way or the other her true colors will shine Thur when she has the bypass so be ready for a lot of mood swings and a not so happy person for a while.

Answer 4

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 5

This is a phase----watch it carefully, because you might be like this someday! You CAN make a decision about some things in your life, but some behaviors/delusions/issues creep up on you---so don't judge her.
It's also really easy, if you're a woman and your significant male love is out of the picture, to let your looks and surroundings deteriorate.
But---let your Aunt make her own choices about life--she may need this time and space to "veg out", because she couldn't do what she wanted to years ago. Her children understand, and they also find worth in being needed by her.
YOU, as her neice, might help the situation in some way---if it is appropriate (and doesn't interfere with your life or committments), volunteer to help her with some house-related chore. Let HER specify what she needs done. If she insists she likes things as they are, leave her alone, and give her the dignity of making her own choices. Also, just a visit to her, letting her know you love her and like visiting with her may be all you can give her without making the situation worse.

Answer 6

Sounds like it may be depression. But it also sounds like she might just be lazy no because she has lost the will to live since her fiance died. And she may treat her son like crap cuz that's for some reason how she is trying to cope or she might just be really badly screwed up.

Answer 7

I would say it most definitely is depression. The thing is, if she refuses to recognize the problem there's no way she will seek out the help she needs. Prescription antidepressants are amazingly helpful, but getting a person to see a Dr. and request that would mean they have to see the problem within them self. Perhaps you could sell her on the benefits of St. Johns Wort. It's an herbal remedy for depression but also may have other benefits you could sell her on. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like it goes far beyond depression. She needs therapy. Sounds like she resents her son, has major anxiety & probably is in poor physical health. Can the family do a sort of 'emotional intervention'? If she doesn't know that she has a problem then just one or two people talking to her will probably just anger her...
Good luck. This situation sounds serious.

Answer 9

Was she this way before the death of her fiance? If not, then I woulsd say that she needs to speak with someone about her feelings.......she may not know how to grieve properly. You should talk to her about it. Just sit down with her and ask. Good Luck!

Answer 10

It is a behavioral disorder.the tragedy has faded out in 5 years but due to hormonal changes she will not be normal.get her treated for menopause,she will be alright