IM NOW 6MTHS ALMOST 7MTHS PREGNANT WITH MY EX BOYFRIENDS BABY AND I DID LEAVE MY ABUSIVE EX BOYFRIEND BUT I MISS HIM. I KNOW IT SOUND CRAZY BUT I DO. HE STILL COMES TO SEE ME EVERYDAY AND PLAY WITH MY STOMACH AND TRY TO TALK TO THE BABY. HE TOLD ME THAT AFTER I LEFT HIM HE WENT AND GOT HELP FOR HIS ANGER PROBLEM. HE ASKED ME TO COME BACK HOME WITH HIM AND I JUST STARTED CRYING BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO BACK WITH HIM BUT SOMETHING WAS TELLING ME NO. I REALLY DO THINK HE CHANGED. BUT DO U THINK I SHOULD GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE
2007-02-20 01:01:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
This is tricky.
You want to be with him because being alone is scary enough, but alone and pregnant is terrifying.
It's fine that he comes over, goes to Dr. appt with you etc, but DO NOT get back together for a minimum of 6 months AFTER the baby is born. This will be enough time for your hormones to get back to normal and mostly for him to prove himself changed. If, for even a nanosecond he raises a hand to you, you run like hell in opposite direction!!!
Good luck!
2007-02-20 01:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by Crazymom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A tiger cannot easily change his stripes. If he was abusive towards you, why are you so insecure with yourself and your beliefs that you would ALLOW someone to treat you that way? Are you willing to take a chance that he will abuse you again, and possibly your child? Are you willing to risk that while being pregnant, he could harm you, and your unborn baby? Get some backbone girl! Go talk to someone, and have you seen "proof" of the anger management classes, or whatever he "claims" he has done? 6 months is not a long period of time for an abuser to be healed, remember that.
2007-02-20 03:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.. you do not need to go thru that. It takes more than saying he has changed. He needs to go to counseling and anger management classes and this can take a year or more to get actual progress going. You do not need to raise a child with someone who is angry all the time. It is not fair for you or the baby. I know you are missing him I mean you are carrying his baby. But you will have to make him prove that he is going to change.. with professional help. I wish you the best and glad that you did take a stand and left him. Good Luck.
2007-02-20 01:28:04 · answer #3 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him more time. You know how woman say that their man was wonderful and then after they got married he became another person?...Yeah, wait until the baby is here and see if anything changes. Babies can cause a lot of stress when they are younger. I'd definately give it more time. You don't want to go back and then have the same thing start all over.
2007-02-20 01:10:52 · answer #4 · answered by Makayla's Mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with the answer above, and feel that individuals can change with ongoing counseling. I am not sure that you should move right back in with him, but maybe future plans could be made. Ultimately, your responsibility is to the unborn child you are carrying to keep it safe from harm. I would ask someone in a professional capacity to see what they think. If you do move back in with him, you need to have a plan in case of an emergency. Contact a local domestic violence shelter to see what your options are. Be careful, whatever decision you make.
2007-02-20 01:12:09 · answer #5 · answered by exiletheking 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abusive people want to be in control and want to control other people. When you left your boyfriend he was not in control of you anymore. When you left him you showed him that you are in control. Now he is being super nice to you because he wants to be back in control. In other words, he is manipulating you with nice behavior so that he can be IN CONTROL AGAIN. If you go back with him you can expect him to abuse you again as soon as he had you trusting him again. That way, he feels like he can control you.
Your missing him is normal for someone who has ended an abusive relationship. Him "getting help" and being super nice is normal for an abuser who has been dumped. YOU ARE A MOTHER NOW. You have a responsibility to your child. The least you can do for your child is to provide him or her a safe home, which means NO ABUSIVE DADDY.
2007-02-20 01:21:31 · answer #6 · answered by anne p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really got help, why didn't you go with him? My advice is to go to a counselor together. That way, you can tell for sure how he is doing with his anger management. If you go back to him, have plans in place to leave him if it happens again. If he hits you/is verbally abusive, what makes you think he won't do that to the baby? Good luck to you.
2007-02-20 01:08:33 · answer #7 · answered by chelebeee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No body can tell you how to live your life. I have been in that situation and your may not go the same but here's how mine went. He told me he was going to quit and he never did We got back together and he beat me while I was pregnant. If you really think that he has changed see if maybe he will go to counseling with you or you could go to hte meetings he attends with him and see how things really are. I will tell you this PLEASE BE CAREFUL. There are many women who think there mates have changed and right now they are statictistics
2007-02-23 11:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by sstonedfrogg420 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is your decision but i would not take his word for it that he got help if he really wants you back suggest that you go to some sort of couples therapy together you need to think about this alot you dont want him hurting you while you are pregnant or worse yet hurting the child later in life if he cannot control his anger please be careful
2007-02-20 01:09:29 · answer #9 · answered by HOT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie, i know that's your baby's father and all...but don't go back to that. once a beater always a beater...and your going to find yourself making excuses for him...don't do it. you don't want your child being brought up into an abusive family..that would completely destroy your child. they might make up lies oh honey i'm not going to hit your anymore i promise....that's not always the truth. i really think you should let him be in his childs life just not yours...you know? there are good men out there that won't hit you. that won't make you feel little.
take my advice...live a healthy life for you and your child don't stress yourself out.
2007-02-20 01:10:18 · answer #10 · answered by Asia G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋