How do you split up with someone who wont take no for an answer?

Question

Thanks all for those who answered my last question, backing up what i was thinking anyway but now i have a new one. How do you split up with someone who can't take no for an answer? I'm a nice guy with a conscience so it's hard for me to do anyway but she really doesnt help.

Last time i did she tried absolutely everything and made me feel really guilty. Eventually she somehow convinced me that i only wanted to take her back because i felt i couldnt make her happy (i know i was a weak minded idiot) but thats just the way i am, i hate hurting people.

Whats the best way to combat anything she might throw back at me or use to convince me otherwise?

TIA

Sorry i should've wrote "the only reason i wanted to end it" rather than "the only reason i wanted to take her back"

Answer 1

You have to start looking at this differently. She's not a poor innocent little creature who just doesn't understand how you could hurt her so. She's a grown woman. She heard what you said and she understands you just fine. She doesn't want this relationship to be over, and she doesn't care what you want. She's just manipulating you - gambling on the knowledge that you're a nice guy who doesn't want to hurt her and so if she puts you in a position where you have to hurt her or give in you'll give in.

Now I'm sure she's not doing it to hurt you, but she IS doing it out of selfishness. She doesn't care about your happiness as much as she cares about her own - she's fine with you being miserable as long as she gets what she wants - and that isn't any sort of basis for a relationship.

It takes two to play this sort of game. Recognise it for what it is, and stop playing it. You don't need her approval before you're "allowed" to finish with her, you don't need her agreement. When it comes right down to it, you don't even need her to understand why.

So don't get drawn into a discussion about "why"! Don't put your every objection out there for her to dissect and argue with. If you do, it makes it sound like you could be talked round, like you're not quite sure, like there's a choice involved that she can influence.

Most of the time relationships don't end for a specific reason or have anyone at fault. You don't have to have ten good reasons, you only have to have one, and that's that when all's said and done you would rather be on your own than be with her.

My advice is to tell her, and keep telling her. Don't answer her questions, just say the same thing over and over again. I don't love you. I just don't. There is no "because", I just don't. No, love isn't like that. I don't love you. I'm sorry this is hurting you, but it's the way I feel. Look, this isn't up for discussion. It's over. I don't love you. I don't love you any more. Keep on and on like a broken record. That is the only way. Don't get her hopes up. Don't get angry, don't get upset, don't fall for any of her little tricks and guilt-trips. Of course you're going to feel guilty - you're doing something that she doesn't want you to do and it's upsetting her. But what's your alternative?

Oh, and when she calls you up the next day wanting to meet "just as friends" or because "we need to talk", tell her it's too soon. Avoid her for a month, if you can. It might not be enough to put her off, but it will give you some much-needed perspective which in turn will help you to not give in. Might be an idea to make sure you take all your stuff with you (CD from the CD player and so on), to prevent her from coming up with an altruistic-sounding excuse to see you again.

Answer 2

Explain to her clearly what you think and feel, let her do the same and let her ask any questions. Be 100% honest every step of the way. Then, every time she goes on at you, simply say "We've discussed that" or "I've already explained why..." etc etc rather than being drawn into the same debate over and over.

It's hard and you will feel bad (you'd be a bit of a bas***d if you didn't) but she will eventually get the message that raking over the same old ground time and again won't change your feelings.

If it gets really bad, and you've treated her as fairly as possible in a difficult situation like this, there comes a point where you have to ignore her calls/avoid seeing her while she gets her head (and heart) straight.

Don't stay with her out of guilt - that will make nobody happy.

Answer 3

She is allowed to stay there until the divorce is final. After the divorce is final, if they didn't have a prenuptial agreement and they own the house, then they will have to sell it and split the proceeds. Or they could buy the other one out of the estimated value. If she was a stay at home mother and wife, and has never worked she will probably be entitled to alimony until such time as she can take care of herself in the same way her husband did during their marriage. Since the father has custody of their child she will be forced to pay some sort of child support, so that may negate the alimony. Not really sure how that works exactly. Im a stay at home mother that has never held a paying job. I can see where it might be difficult to jump into the job market but I can't see just sucking the life out of someone else just so I wouldn't have to work. She needs to grow up a little and be an adult for a little bit. Since the man has custody of the child that shows that maybe she wasn't doing that great of a job at staying home. It kinda sounds like she was just sitting at home with no purpose. At least in my case I care for my four kids, care for my home, and my husband. Hope things end up working out for everyone in this case. The children, sadly, are probably going to suffer the most in this.

Answer 4

This has worked for me in the past. Buy her a card, something from your heart. Don't get one that sends out the wrong message. Insert a note / letter telling her that you think she's a good person, caring, blah blah blah. And that she will always hold a part of your heart that no one else will have, (now that you have her attention), tell her how you feel. At the end let her know the two of you need to sit down and talk. Somethings to think about, If your not in love with her how can you enhance her happiness? If your not happy how can you face each day with a smile? You have got to insert, "ME" "MY" into this conversation as often as you can, she has to get the picture "shes" not the only person in this relationship. All to often when we are faced with a break up we can only see one person, "US" She has to know this affects you to. Tell her if I'm not happy how can I add to yours. And "when" she meets Mr. right where will that leave you? She's just prolonging the inevitable by wanting to stay in a relationship with no foundation for the future. I hope this helps and wish you all the best. But please remember this is your life, you only get one, be happy. You will hurt people as time goes by, this unfortunately is unavoidable. BUT you can do so with class, I know by your words this is painful for you, this tells me your a good person. Hang in there. "time heals all wounds"....

Answer 5

Listen, you sound like a nice guy. But some people cannot take a hint, or even no for an answer. Theirs just some people out there that you have to be assertive with. This girl, woman, whatever, seems to have a problem with rejection. Just be assertive, tell her its over, not to call,ect. After a while it's harassment. Tell her it's over and you want to move on, without her in your life! Good Luck...I bet she's a stalker type.

Answer 6

sleep with her best mate she wont want you then lol, sorry Im just kidding.

The only thing you can do is be firm tell her it is over and dont let her talk you round, explain to her that it is not fair on her that you dont feel the same way about her, Hurt her feelings if you have to tell her you only took her back last time because you felt sorry for her.
You have to be cruel to be kind, and trust be it will be alot kinder in the long run to hurt her now rather than later good luck and be strong xx

Answer 7

well first you have to get her with a right hook then follow through with an upper cut then tell her how you feel, if she still wants to be be with you, you have a psycho on your hands....but seriously i believe there is no way to soften the blow, I'm sure she knows that this relationship cant go on...there is no longer a spark and she is trying hard to hold on to what she has already lost, you will save her much hurt in the long run, dont worry about exactly what you say make it natural, tell it from the heart and if she still doesnt understand then use the fighting combo i taught u above:)Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

Hmm, this is a tough one. i know you don't want to hurt her, but if you want out then you want out.
i think you need to be totally ruthless and say you don't want to be with her anymore, then say you have to go and turn off your phone for days if you need to.
my brother was with a nutter who wouldn't piss off, she would turn up everywhere and he would get drunk and sleep with her, which he always regretted. In the end I had to tell her he was seeing someone else and using her, while my brother was hiding upstairs after she just randomly walked into our house again! she got upset and started crying and I felt such an awful cow because really, he had brought alot of it on himself by using her like that, but man, she was scary too.
Anyway, I think you are guna have to be cruel to be kind. Be firm and then ignore her. Even be a tiny bit mean if you have to, because she is manipulating you, and I think you have had enough of those particular apples no?
So get rid, if she has any self respect she will move on, but she does sound like a nutter, so expect a bit of bunny boiling stalkerish madness for a month or so.
Good luck, keep all pets indoors, and hide your car, your car will be the first victim if she does go loopy!

Answer 9

You can't let people run over you like that. I tried to break up with my boyfriend once, and I really did not want to, but I needed to see other people. I was best friends with his sister, and we went out that night, and I was so sad. He called me the next day, and asked me back out.. I was thrilled! Yeah, it's almost four years later, and we are married..lol. Don't let this person make you feel down. Just tell her how you feel. No matter if it's angry, sad, happy. Whatever, just tell her. If she gets her feelings hurt, then that's something that was going to happen no matter who she was with. You do what you have to do. Good Luck! :)

Answer 10

I know it's easier said than done, but just tell her plainly but very nicely that you no longer want to have anything to do with her. It's over. Then don't answer her phone calls or messages. After a few days I am sure she'll get the message.
Be firm, but nice!
Good luck - it's always the nice people who get the rotten deals lol.