Ever since I was a little girl I've never really felt feminine or masculine. Sure, I knew I was a girl, but I've never truly felt 100% girly. I'm not gay or anything... its just I feel kinda neutral. I don't feel like a boy. I wear dresses, jewelry, makeup, I just don't wear them all the time, nor do I have a desire to get dressed up. I do have my girly moments, I played with dolls as a child (but not in the sense of a normal girl.. nothing very maternal) but at the same time I also raised toads and had a desire to play boy's games, but nothing too masculine either (like wrestling or football). Its like, you are either one extreme or the other, and I fall in the gap in the middle.
I'm completely straight... I've been around, I've had a boyfriend, I'm female, but I don't feel like one gender or the other most of the time. I usually feel flattered or suprised when someone refers to me as a "she". In my mind, I'm more of an "It"
Does that make any sense?
As far as puberty goes, I was ashamed to grow breasts and have boys pay attention to me... I felt odd and out of place. When the other kids started dating (around middle-school), I never had much of an interest until I was about seventeen (my parents didn't help, whenever I had a male friend over as a child they would always tease me horribly and try to get me to like him). I'm now used to being a full grown woman, and I'm comfortable with it, and I am comfortable with guys (in fact, I love guys)... but I still can't really identify with girls, or anyone for that matter, especially in a social setting. While most girls have crushes on guys, it takes me a good while to find anyone I'm interested in and I usually have to befriend them first and get to know them, I can't pick a "good looking" guy out of a crowd and automatically have a crush on him like my female friends do. And once I like someone, thats that.. I like them, and then I get to know them better and I start loving them.. and it sounds weird but I don't have any desire for anyone else around me.. which is weird, because while my other female friends are in a relationship and they see another guy, they daydream about him, giggle, discuss how cute he is, and sometimes they can't control themselves and have flings. Once I find a guy, I'm set.. I have no desire for another person (romantically) in my life.
What is wrong with me? Am I normal, or is everyone I hang out with different? Is this a hormonal imbalance?
2007-02-19
23:57:22
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11 answers
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asked by
Shelly Smith
1
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Singles & Dating