2nd child - 6years difference - what do you think?

Question

We are debating if we should have a second child. If so, then we will be trying in the new year (2008). That means that my first child will be 6years old by the time her brother/sister is born.
what do you think of that age difference? would you rather just stick to having one child as the age gap might be to big or would you still try for a 2nd child??

Thanks :o)

i would really like to have a second child. i am the only child. my husband is the youngest of 4 and had a hard life. he is scared that he might not have enough to support both in the way that he wants to....
it's more difficult for him than for me... what do you suggest??

he is such a great dad. I am so proud of him.

Answer 1

i would still have another child, 6 years is not really that big of a gap, there is 6 years between me and my sister and we get along fine, you do what you feel is right for you and your family

Answer 2

No debate about age is necessary, kids/babies are great, such fun, so much laughter, any age gap, that's ok, it's your life, that's how you are leading it, if you want another child, have one.
So many folks can't have any, and it's all very well saying, we could try for another but, it could take longer next time to actually get pregnant.
I have two boys, one is 1 and the other is 9. The 9 year old is from a previous relationship and when I got together with my current partner he was 4. We thought we should try straight away for a child as we both wanted another and it could take a while, and it took 4 years to get pregnant!!
There are many benefits from having such a large gap: think, imagine, you want to do a poo and have a shower. Your partner is at work still but your 6-7 year old child is home from school. Suddenly spending 10 mins in the bathroom is an option, the baby sleeps on, the eldest keeps watch. Safe. This example can be stretched in many ways to suit many situations.
And this is especially good with my 9 year old. He adores his younger brother, holds his hand in the car, at the park, playing chase, tickle, giggle, faces, noises, love, cuddles, toys, the list goes on. And he will play with him etc..whilst I nip upstairs to get the laundry/get changed/brush teeth etc..Fan-bloody-tastic. It is a huge gap, but the benefits of having children at all, far out way any other considerations. I hope this has been helpful. xx

Answer 3

There is no reason not to go for a second child.

My hubby and I have a boy each from previous relationships and they're both 7 now. Our daughter is 19months and our son is 7 months and the two boys both think that their little brother and sister are the best thing since sliced bread.

We actively encouraged them to ask questions and told them all about how big baby was stage by stage and obviously why my tummy was getting bigger etc and when it was a bit nearer the time we all went shopping and they helped us pick out some new-born baby stuff.

It has to be said that they were a bit disappointed that baby wasn't up to playing football straight away but other than that there have been no problems with sibling rivalry, jealousy or repercussions such as bedwetting on their part.

Both boys help out-they quite happily fetch nappies/baby grows and now their sister is older they read and play with her too.

The other bonus is that because they are permanently talking(as 7 yr olds do) their sister's speech is way ahead of the game, she was building blocks etc very early and she's very robust in comparison to others her age.

The only thing that we decided to implement in advance was that we would always make a point of greeting the boys before the baby(on the basis that baby doesn't know whether they're 1st or 2nd but the boys would) and asked that our guests/relatives did the same so that they didn't feel like they were being usurped by the baby. Now she's bigger though it's not an issue-they all race for the door together.

If you're prepared for the awkward questions that she'll ask-like 'how did the baby get there?', (which was followed in our house by 'but how did Daddy's egg get in you, Mummy?' -took some careful explaining that one!), then you're half way there.

Your daughter will think it's wonderful-just wait until she's watching your bump move about and feeling her brother or sister moving about in your tummy-those moments are priceless.

Having a baby growing up and starting to crawl/walk/talk etc when you're 6 is like a permanent learning experience(expect lots of questions starting 'why')and with the right encouragement and plenty of cuddles on your part you'll have no problems, I pretty much guarantee it.

Go for it with a clear conscience. Good luck!

Answer 4

HEY MY SISTER IS 6 YEARS OLDER THAN ME!!! i have enough information for answer your question :)

First, 6 years diference could be hard for the second child(if the brother if a pain in the ***), but live is hard right?, Second, have an oldest sister/broder makes the younger one grow faster, i mean mature more than others ones at their age. Also its good for the oldest to feel like its an example for the other, it would change the way of act, its gonna be more responsable.

On my opinion, being the youngest in my family (we are 2, my sister that is 6 years older than me and me) made me what i am now and im proud of what i im. HAVE THE KID!

The best ages for them its gonna be when the youngest grow, like 19 and the broder/sister 25 or 20 - 26. The hardest time for the youngest is 8 and the oldest is 14.
The oldest would love to have a sister/brother, so do it!

Answer 5

I have a six year age gap between my first and second children as they are from different marriages. The gap worked incredibly well because our oldest child had his own life well established and the baby didn't threaten that in any way. He loved holding his baby brother and playing with him until the baby was about three and then Big Brother decided he was a nuisance because the little one wanted to join in with anything and everything! But even though he took less notice of him he loved him dearly. Now they are 18 and 12 and the best of friends. It's the 12 year old and his 10 year old sister who fight!

Answer 6

Wow you lucky thing - if you want to extend your family - go for it!
My partner's children have a 6yr gap and are intensely protective of each other. I have 3 children from my marriage - 23, 21, & 16 and now have a 2yr old in my new relationship. All the older children adore him. I would even have another if I were a bit younger. I also think the larger age gap is beneficial on a day to day basis. If there are only a couple of years between children, they'll want to play with the same toys at the same time and fight over them. When the gap is bigger, this doesnt happen and so there is less conflict. I love having a 23 year old and I adore having a 2 year old, and they worship each other. Six years? Nothing, really............
Very best wishes, remember - grab life with BOTH hands!

Answer 7

I don't think an age gap matters much either way,my eldest and second child have a 5 year age gap and growing up they were not close but now they are inseparable and there is a 11 month age gap between my second and third child and they almost hate each other however they are still young 15 and 16 years,go for it ,good luck.I also think its fantastic that you are actually taking the time to think about creating another life unlike some people who just pop them out regardless on their circumstances,you must be great parents and your kids will be very proud of you.

Answer 8

I have two girls and there is 6 1/2 years between them. I love the gap my eldest was so involved with the pregnancy and wanted to help with everything when her sister came home from the hospital. They have a very close relationship now they are 13 and 7. Yes they argue but don't all siblings. Being older myself when the second child came along I was alot calmer and relaxed than with my first. I would say go for it, do not let an age gap put you off you will love it.

Answer 9

Well I ahve a four year old daughter from the relationship I had before I met my husband. We want children, but not for a few years at least, which will pit us in the same boat you are.
The age gap did cross my mind, but then a six year old is likely to cope a bit better with a new baby because they can be reasoned with and spoken to as a person, whereas a younger child you pretty much just have to keep saying 'no', and even shouting it sometimes. I don't think it's a problem really, I am going to do it, and I really don't know how people who have three kids in as many years cope, they must take drugs or something!

Answer 10

Really hard, but I wouldn't change the fact that I chose to have more children. Depending on the maturity of your older child they may even help out more, but they will resent the new addition if they have to share a room or if the baby when crawling destroys their things. We've had to make sure our daughter (5.5 years older than her brother) had her own space and that he wasn't allowed in it until he was old enough to respect her things. We also had another child 2.5 years after our second child and I think that made a difference for our middle child. He doesn't mind so much that his older sister is allowed to do so much more than him because there are things he does with his little brother that their sister isn't interested in. There are also the occasional complaints from the younger kids that their sister gets to do things before them, stay up later then them, etc. I've put an age requirement on things to make it easier. So they know that at a certain age they'll get to stay up half an hour later, and then an hour later, etc. Makes for a few less arguments and also helps them to know when they can do the things the older child is doing. It also helps you to write down the age requirements because it isn't something you want to forget. You need to be able to remind them when they ask why they can't do something. Because believe me, they'll test you! It helps if it is an open book exam :)

Answer 11

My brother is one year younger than me and we've always got on really well and played together all the time when we were little. Then my mum had my other little brother when I was nearly six and my younger brother nearly five. My two brothers really hate eachother half the time. I think this is because the older one was very jealous of the younger especially because they're both boys and the older had just started school. I'm okay with the youngest.

I think it'll be okay having another child because you're first will have been in school long enough to cope. As long as you don't have three(like me and my bros) i think they'll get on well. Two is the best number by far and I think it'll be good for your older son/daughter to have some company.
So I'd say yes.