behaviour problems?

Question

my three year old is becoming very naughty, she has started being very rude, demanding things and when i say no she just screams for ages, she thinks that she can have everything she wants, i think my nan is the problem, she has her every so often when i have a driving lesson, or need to work at short notice, when my daughter has been with my nan she is very naughty when she comes home. my nan gives her sweets even though i say no, she buys her toys just because she wants them, even when i tell her that she need to earn treats and when i ask my nan what my daughter has eaten she never tells me the truth, how can i stop my nan doing this to my daughter, i've tryed telling her but she does it behind my back. thanks

Answer 1

Firstly you need to accept responsibility for your own daughter's behaviour and stop blaming your Nan! Your daughter clearly spends more time with you than anyone else and it's up to you to ensure she's being properly brought up. As soon as she is rude and/or demanding, in any way, take her away from the situation. Start using a 'naughty' stair or corner. Take away her favourite toys and make her apologise for her bad behaviour. Try ignoring her when she misbehaves or screams - just act as though she isn't in the room. Put some of these tactics to good use and I'm sure you'll have a little angel in no time.

Answer 2

i had the same problem. i think your daughter is telling her limits. she wants to see what she can get out of you. you just have to stick with your answer no matter how hard she screams and cry's. i have a carpet that i put my children on which has been working great for me. try not to give to many chances. if it's no than stick to it. she will soon know what she can do at nan and what she can do at home. this wont change in a day but after a couple weeks you will see that she will figure out the difference. as for nan she is helping you and she is her nan she is made to spoil not disapline but still not a reason to feed candy to your child maybe ask her not to do it so often maybe every second or third visit. hope this helps

Answer 3

If she only misbehaves when she has been with your Nan have you thought that she may be having a reaction to something she is getting while she is there - I don't mean the attention , I'm thinking is she being hyperactive because of sugar or additives in the sweets?
Discuss this possibility with your Nan and arrange some things she could have as an alternatve to sweets - fruits, yoghurt etc and see how it goes. All Nan's have this urge to feed children but I think that if you explain that you are really worried about this behaviour and are considering getting her tested for allergies you should be able to get her on your side.
As for dealing with screaming tantrums I agree that you should walk away and ignore her.

Answer 4

I have exactly the same problem with my 3 year old. It is a tough one. If you can't stop nan from doing what she does (& I think that you will find this is the case - they can't help themselves), you ned to explain to your daughter that Nan treats her that way but that it is only a treat and not the general way of things. Whn she starts screaming, explain that she can't have what she's asking for in a very reasonable voice then ask her to sit on a step or something (call it the thinking step NOT the naughty step) and tell her she can get off when she is ready to calm down and listen to what Mummy has to say in a quiet way. She is not being punished and is in control of when she gets of the step. I find this works with my daughters and that a few seconds or minutes on their own in a quiet place helps to calm them down.

Then take her mind off what it is she wants by suggesting you play a game or do some colouring - somthing with her that is happy.

Good luck

Answer 5

I would set some rules at home for your daughter you need to discipline them if you don't they will have problems. I would put her in a corner for 3-4 minutes and if she throws a fit and whines keep her in the corner till she is quiet. It seems like nan doesn't respect your rules. If that kept up i would find someone else to watch your daughter that will follow what your rules.

Answer 6

Maybe you should have a good word with your Nan and mention that if it does not stop then your daughter will have to be looked after by somebody else, its not fair on u or your daughter as you are telling her one thing and Nannies doing another ,so this can then become confusing for a three year old as she wants to please you both, also if nanny lets her do whatever she pleases its no wonder she screams and shouts when you dont.

Answer 7

See if anybody else will look after her for you, if not some driving instructors will let you take your child with you! As for the work bit, the government do subsidise child care - if this helps, or just tell your Nan straight whats happening and tell her that you will find somewhere else for her to stay while your at work (but just make sure you do have somewhere else first)

Good luck!

Answer 8

i went through a very similar experience with my foster child and her father, things got so bad that i could not stand him in the end because he was disrupting our lives so much. for every rule i made he found a way round it. i asked him not to buy her so many sweets when he visited (she's a very picky eater), when she came back from a visit laden with sweets i challenged him and he said the taxi driver bought them! she became very disruptive after a visit and in the end he just stopped visiting, which solved a lot of problems but, as you can imagine, created more for the little girl. he has now decided he wants to see her again but social services are now involved so hopefully he wont be too bad. the only solution i can think of in your case is not ask your nan to babysit. if she's not happy then she has to do as you ask. good luck

Answer 9

If your nan is going to undermind your parenting rules, why bother leaving your child with her. I'd sit down and come to some agreement if she's the only person who can watch your daughter. It's okay if she buys her things occasionally but not everytime she wants something. And she can substitute other healthy sweets (fruits, fruit roll-ups, jello, pudding, etc.) for candy.

Answer 10

all nans love to spoil kids, just keep telling your daughter she has her treats at nans for been a good girl and you'll stop them if shes naughty, tell your nan that's what your telling the little one and if she wants to carry on giving treats to your daughter she'll have to tell her if she's naughty for mum then she wont get treats from her..