My husband is Air Force and has to go to Kunsan AFB, Korea for a year....help!?

Question

I always knew there was a possibility he would have to go somewhere, but iwe have a 3 year old, 2 year old, 1 year old, and I am due to have a baby in June. He leaves in july, I have no family to run home to like most women, no one at this base to help me, and no programs here to help me out, I already called the chaplain and family support center. I don't know how I am going to go to the grocery store when 3 of my kids have to be in a cart, or to the dr office (I have to go once a month for a medical condition). The child care providers on my base can NOT be trusted and our CDC is always full. What am I supposed to do? Whoever said the Air Force is family-friendly is full of crap, they don't care if we make it ok or not. Sorry but I am sick of these people who claim the Air Force is so great for families. my husband didn't volunteer for this and I am afraid after a year of not having to take care of me or kids, he won't want to come back to us! How do I get him out of this!!!???

In response to an answer that was given, I guess I do live in a "vacuum" I just moved here you jerk, and just because you don't cARE about what your wife had to deal with doesn't mean that my situation is easy. It is people like you at this base that make the military SUCK!

And also I wouldn't have three kids if the military properly trained their medical personell, I got pregnant TWICE on the IUD because and Air Force doctor put them in wrong. Why are you all such a$$'s?

Answer 1

You received some VERY comprehensive and solid answers from a few of your "sister" military wives. Two of them in particular were loving and compassionate--from people who have quite literally been where you are. E-mail the lady who offered you that option. Support is what you need.

The AF equivalent of the FGR is called the Family Support Center. They can help you find any other assistance, organizations, or services you need.

Join a spouses organization (officers/enlisted spouses clubs). There you will find more ladies like those who spoke so kindly to you in this forum.

Don't completely discount the comments and advice of those who were rude to you. A few of them (although they need to work on their tone and presentation) made some good observations. This year will go the way YOU make it go. You need to decide that it is YOU who is in charge of how you react to things. It will be a challenge, but if you face it bravely and kick it in the pants while he's gone, you will be a better person a year from now because you will have grown.

If you are truly worried your husband won't come back to you...PLEASE sit him down and tell him that. You can't afford to take on all the responsibilities of a solo-mom during his short tour if you have marriage-related worries like that. Discuss your worries with him. He may be able to lay some of them to rest before he leaves.

PLEASE don't ask him to pursue a humanitarian reassignment or assignment freeze. Unless you have a legitimate reason to do so (other than you will miss him and are worried about taking care of the kids), it will damage his career--if for no other reason than that the paperwork is challenging and it will take him from his assigned duties with appointments, etc.

God Bless military wives. Mine has been serving 22 years and I love her more than life itself. I know she cries when I'm gone--and she's never told me that. Please be strong for him. I'm going whisper this very quietly...so don't tell anyone I said it okay? <>.

Answer 2

Farkas419 gave an excellent answer. I agree with most everything she said. I'm not sure about asking for the compassionate reassignment in this case though. Those are granted only for unusual circumstances. Your circumstance may seem like the "end of the world" to you, but it's actually quite common. Yes, even with your monthly doctor visits for a medical condition, it's still quite common. If it isn't granted (which is likely) he's killed or at best severely damaged his military career and gained nothing.

Micmac also gives excellent advice.

All military wives do complain at times. The good ones just don't let their husband hear most of it.

BTW, FRG means Family Readiness Group - the support system for Army families. Like Farkas, I don't know what the Air Force calls it.

To the person who said it's impossible to put an IUD in wrong - you're wrong!!!!!

When the IUD failed you once, why did you trust it again? Or at least use a condom in addition to the IUD?

And yes, your husband did volunteer for this. You did too by marrying the military. Your attitude will have a great deal of influence on what happens to your relationship while he's over there and when he returns. If you're whining to him (and I strongly suspect you are) you need to stop. Now.

Answer 3

You poor thing. I feel your pain. I WAS a dependent to a navy man. Now divorced. My babies are 6, 5, 4 and 2. Five years ago, I was struggling to handle life on a new base without the help of my hubby. I suffered from deep depression and many issues. His command didn't give a ****. I never could find proper day care, and the Peeds clinic would never schedule the appointments together. It sucked and this did ultimately have an impact on our relationship.

My suggestion is to reach out to other women on base and off base. Suck up your pride and ask as many people as you can for help. I wish I did! Hindsight is 20/20. Make friends (easier said than done when you have lil ones), and most bases have a list of mothers who run daycare in their homes on base. Also, try going out into the community and checking on those resources.

This is exactly what your husband signed up for. To follow military orders. If that is to go to Korea, so be it. Sad to say, but it's true.

Email me if you want some moral support, and also what base are you located, I may be able to assisst in helping you find resources.

Take Care!!!

Answer 4

Lady, grow up. You've got 3+ kids now. Time to be an adult and start taking care of yourself. Otherwise how are you going to raise children?

You don't get your military spouse "out" of their duties. He volunteered -- and so did you, when you married him.

Best thing you can do is accept reality, right now. It WILL happen, regardless of anything you say or do. It may seem like the end of the world now, but you will survive and probably (depending on you, really) you'll be stronger for the experience.

A surefire way to have a very miserable year is to be negative about it. Just consider yourself lucky to be an Air Force wife, where your medical and dental care is free for yourself and all those kids.

Answer 5

You don't "get him out of this". I've been to more military bases than you can count in my 26 years of service, and each and everyone of them have a program that helps out moms while their husband is deployed. But you have to seek them out, they don't come looking for you!
Meet other AF wives that are in the same boat, believe me, there are plenty of them.
What about HIS family helping out? Since they now have 3, soon to be 4 grandkids.
BTW, he DID volunteer for this. The military isn't a welfare or social program. The bottom line of the military, all branches, is to kill people and blow things up. Just because someone has created a large family doesn't excuse them from their duties. Maybe talk to his Command and see what the chances are for a hardship discharge. That way he won't have to deploy, but then thats the end of the "bennys" too.

Answer 6

Kunsan will not be bad at all for him, and he will want to come back. I do understand about the CDC always being full. Where I am there is like a 5 month waiting list. Retarded, that whole system needs to be redone. The child care providers that work at home do have hourly care which you do not have to register your kids for.
Or be put on the waitin list.
so that seems like best option.
Good luck.

Answer 7

Actually he's going in as "Security Forces", but basically the same thing. Hate to burst your bubble, but your husband's ASVAB test scores, have zero to do with him getting "base of preference" as it's known in the USAF. Your recruiter was puffing-a little; if they are hurting for SF recruits-then he MIGHT and I stress MIGHT get a choice. His performance at BMT and in SF Tech School at Lackland WILL help determine if he gets BOP. You can choose, but keep in mind-Needs of the USAF come first. So don't be disappointed or get mad at the recruiter and USAF when it doesn't happen. Bases in FL: Hurlburt Eglin Both in Ft Walton Beach Tyndal Panama City Patrick Coco Beach MacDill Tampa Other "Family bases", Offutt AFB NE Peterson AFB CO McChord AFB, WA Mountain Home AFB, ID Hill AFB, UT (though taxes, especially property and school taxes are going up-considerably) where cost of living is tolerable for an E1-E2: FE Warren AFB WY Malmstrom AFB MT Dyess AFB, TX Ellsworth AFB, SD Grand Forks AFB, ND PS: It's actually Nellis AFB NV. McCarran is the name of the commercial airport in Las Vegas.

Answer 8

As a military wife myself, I feel your pain, I really do.
What you can do is have your husband ask for a compassionate reassignment. The only problem is, this is the one and only time he'll ever be able to ask for one, and there's no telling whether he'll actually get one or not.
I'm sorry you don't have any family to go to. Are you involved with your FRG? (Not sure what it's called in the Air Force though. In the Army, it's FRG.) If not, GET INVOLVED! You'll find other women in similar situations, and any one of them would be willing to help you. I know if you were stationed anywhere near me, I'd be willing to help.
Do you have something there that's similar to ACS? (Army Community Service) If so, that might be a good place to go to. They can advise you on childcare, and how to get some help just in case your husband absolutely HAS to go.
The most important thing for YOU right now is to get it through your head that there's a possibility that he absolutely will have to go. You need to be prepared for that. FRG and things like ACS can and WILL help you, if you let them. Sometimes, though, you have to tell them exactly what you want and need, and keep telling them until they do something. You know what they say about the squeaky wheel. Well, you need to SQUEAK!
Again, I'm very sorry you have to go through this.
As for the guy who said that his wife doesn't complain, I bet she does. ALL military wives complain, it's just that the decent ones try not to complain to their husbands. We just smile, and say, "It's okay, baby, I love you. Just come home safely. I'll be fine," while we're crying inside.
If your husband really loves you, he'll go to Korea with a heavy heart, but come home to you and the kids just fine. Maybe he's just as worried about you living it up as you are about him. I'd be willing to bet that he's wondering if you're going to cheat on him while he's gone. Most military men do worry about that.
Anyway, I wish you luck, and PLEASE email me to keep me updated on the situation. I'll be worrying about you, and no, I won't forget.
My email is [e-mail].

Answer 9

My wife and I are active duty. It can be very hard to be seperated. However he can't really get out of it unless he also wants to get out the airforce. He an decline the orders but he will not be able to reenlist. He has one other option, he can get someone to switch with him but thats harder than it sounds. There are a lot of things that have to get evaluated before that kind of thing can happen. One last thing to throw out there When i was in Korea One of my co workers brought his whole family over with him and they stayed off base. However it is going to very expensive.

Answer 10

You can't "get him out of this." Somebody has to do it and this time it's his turn for a remote tour.

I spent 22 years in the navy deploying for 9 months at a time every thrid year. I did it with a wife and six kids. So don't try telling me I don't understand.