How do I make my 5-year-old understand lying is not good?

Question

My 5-year-old recently started to lie to me about little things, like if he snuck a cookie, took something away from his little brother, etc. I tell him that he will get into more trouble if he does not tell me the truth, but he continues to tell little white lies. I am concerned that this will become a bigger problem and want to hear from fellow parents who have ever dealt with this and what effective tools they used to overcome it. Thank you!

I do not put fear in my child when he lies, I am a calm and rational parent, so please don't insult me by insinuating otherwise.

Answer 1

your child is smart!! think of it like this. He has already figured out ways to avoid getting into trouble. I had the same issue but when I saw a specialist about it, she told told me just that. Kids who lie are very intelligent. Don't encourage it but just tell him how happy it makes you when he is truthful.

I was very careful not to punish but make lying seem less attractive to him. When he tells the truth even tho he has done something wrong, tell him why he is in trouble but focus more on how proud you are that he told the truth. Ultimately kids want mum to be proud of them and will keep doing what gets them the most attention.

Answer 2

It's very natural to be concerned about it getting out of hand, i fear the same thing with my 3 year old. I have actually read about it online. They claim it is normal developement for a preschooler which is concidered ages 3-5.They state dont focus on the lie but try focus on solving the problem that they are lying about. Example: Your child tossed their food all over the floor and they said they didnt do it. try focusing on getting them to clean it up. Or when he actually admits to a wrong doing praise him tell him how proud u are he told the truth and it makes mommy happy. Its good your are explaining what a lie can do and how he will get in trouble and this discourages more lies in the future. I tell my daughter all the time how lies are hurtful and it seems to be working but keep in mind their conversation with you is very limited as a child so take it easy on him most likely he will grow out of it. They wont stop completely lying but the best influence is you as a mother to not lie and to keep encouraging the truth.

Answer 3

We just had this problem with my two step kids. With our 8 year old he got grounded big time with no video games or playing with friends when laying. It took him three weeks and he has stopped lying and manipulating. Our 6 year old though picked up the habit three months after he stopped. We placed an honesty teaching poster in her room, which she really hated, because she didn't want to be reminded that she doesn't tell the truth. We also started taking away her favorite toys, and her play time everytime caught in a lie. When she got to her peak of laying and getting in trouble for it, we explained to her we could no longer trust her as a big girl and that she would be followed around like the baby or 2 year old she is being. After a few days of exhauting following her around for EVERYTHING. She got the point and did everything she could to show she wouldn't lie and could be trusted again. When she gets to the point it looks like she is slipping we remind her that we can always follow her around again but we are giving her our trust right now and how great she has been doing. It usually strightens her right back up for now.

Answer 4

If you have made the boy think that every his mistake will lead to punishments or spanking,of course he will lie to you.Most children(and most adults) lie from time to time.If we want our kids to be honest with us,we have to be willing to listen to them and refrain from punishing them or ashaming them.We have to look for solutions to the problems.
Parents should explain to their children why is it important to tell the truth and what is trust.A good way to avoid the punishment is to ask the child "What do you think happens when you lie about something?"(this way is successful only if you ask with the aim to understand the child's point of view,not to read lectures).Continue with the questions(asked kindly) - "How do you feel when someone lies to you?","What do you think is the reason children to be afraid to tell the truth?","What would help you to tell the truth without being scared?"
When the boy lies to you and you spank him(or punish him) or ashame him,he will probably make some bad conclusions.The punishment helps for the moment but the long lasting effects aren't the one which the parents has tried to make.And of course one child won't learn to tell the truth if he sees you lying - "Yes,chief,I'm sick and I'll be home for 2-3 days" while you want to go skiing.
There are some effective ways to react one child's lying.
1.Accent to the probable conclusions to the problem.Instead of asking "Who has crushed the egg?",offer your son to help him in cleaning and ask him if he thinks the problem may be solved another way.
2.When you think the child is lying,say that "That sounds me as a lie.I wonder what the truth if?"
3.Imagine you are the child.Ask him if he is afraid to tell the truth.Make him sure that everyone is afraid sometimes.
4.Explain him that he has to take responsibility for his actions."Everyone can make a mistake but when you blame someone else you are not less responsible for your action"
5.Explain him what trust is.Help him make the connection between honesty and trust which people have for us.

And finally one personal advice.There is one really useful book for parents,for discipline and other things like that which may help you a lot.The book is "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Jane Nelsen.Her eis the site if you want to take a look - http://positivediscipline.com/

Answer 5

This is a stage ALL children go through. And is actually a sign of intelligence.
Simply tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf.
With my children we now differentiate between a story (something they made up) or truth. So if I suspect them of lying I ask if they are telling me a story or is it the truth. And they will tell me which one it is.
I dont really think there is a need to punish him as he is just figuring things out and has just realised that his mouth can say something different to his actions.
Just explain the difference between truth and lies(stories) and the importance of truth.

Answer 6

that is very normal. Almost every child will figure out.. oh, I can get out of getting in trouble here. With my daughter i talked about it. i punished it, etc. I even tried being a spy... checking up on everything she did and said she did (that worked for a little while, but wore me out) Nothing worked. For her the punishment was worth the 'in case she wasnt' found out'. So I had to step it up. I had to make it totally not worth her while to lie anymore. I expalined that lying wrecks relationships. Lying breaks trust. Etc. Then one day she lied and I was ready. The next morning when she got up I annouced that evening we were going swimming with friends. She asked who and I said it was a surprise. All day I mentioned how much fun we would have that night. I was feeling bad and didn't even make it till evening. So at 3:00 I told her to get her stuff, we were going. She was so excited and dropped everything she was doing and ran to get her bag. When she got to the door I told her we werent' going. that I lied to show her how that wrecks relationships. She ran to the bed and cried herself to sleep. She didn't ever want to talk about it so i told her just to liseten (about an hour later). I kept it short... about trust and that's how I feel when she lies to me. She has never lied since. In fact she is quite careful to be exact in answering my qeustions and when she even thinks of lying she gets this really really guilty look and tells the truth.

Answer 7

I am not a parent, but I have gotten kids to quit lying before by explaining what happens to other people when a lie is successful. The whole world revolves around lies, and lies are disrespectful.

Answer 8

When he sneaks a cookie do you put fear into him for doing it. If you do, then the next tome he sneaks it he will feel he must lie so you won't get so mad at him.

As parents we have to be more considerate about a child doing something wrong or we the parent, will make our children become liars.

THINK ABOUT IT !

Answer 9

with my children when they learned how to lie first i found the person they learned it from my oldest learned it from my teen sister i punished my sister in front of my daughter so she would understand everyone gets introuble for lying (watch yourself see if you tell any in front of the kids ) then i explained trust to her what it is and how important it is and that when she lies i cant trust her any more and how sad that makes me then ask silly questions like do you have your shoes on when she says yes you look and then tell her you had to make sure because you cant trust what she says

it worked for my 4 kids and my nephews and it is now working for my 3 y/o niece

Answer 10

When you catch him lying, Does he get in trouble, or do you just keep saying you WILL get in trouble?..Idle threats mean nothing to children.. Try a controlled smack on the bottom and take away some priviledges.. he will get the message.